No money for the month. I have to stop now

Meezer2 · 2022-10-03T09:12:24+00:00

So it would appear I've hit my rock bottom. Got paid on Wednesday and have drank my way through my wages since then. Bills are paid but I have nothing left for anything else that occurs. I've tried to give up for years to no avail. I sadly just love drinking. I'm 55 and in a 'professional job' which is very stressful. How do you change a lifetime of heavy binge drinking? I feel so ashamed that it's got to this. How do I start and maintain an alcohol free life? Thanks in advance for any help

Bookaholic73 · 03/10/2022 10:15

How much are you drinking? It may not be safe to quit cold turkey without some support, so I would recommend going to your GP or Alcohol support services.

Original poster

Meezer2 · 03/10/2022 10:32

Bookaholic73 · 03/10/2022 10:15

How much are you drinking? It may not be safe to quit cold turkey without some support, so I would recommend going to your GP or Alcohol support services.

Hi bookaholic. Thanks for responding. Drinking heavy from Friday after work, Saturday night and Sunday lunch
Occasionally a couple of days in the week
Socially in the pub and not at home.

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Onceuponawhileago · 03/10/2022 10:40

You need to recognise you are a functioning alcoholic. See your GP and then join AA to gain sponsor support. It absolutely can be overcome but only when you realise you are an alcoholic.

Original poster

Meezer2 · 03/10/2022 10:51

Onceuponawhileago · 03/10/2022 10:40

You need to recognise you are a functioning alcoholic. See your GP and then join AA to gain sponsor support. It absolutely can be overcome but only when you realise you are an alcoholic.

Thank you once upon. That's something I've never tried.
I definitely fit the functioning alcohol label.
I will search for AA groups in my area

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TheFuckingDogs · 03/10/2022 10:55

There is also a lot of quit lit and self help out there.
AA is good for some people but there are also many other online options now too.
be kind to yourself, take it easy over the next few weeks and do things non booze related that make you happy.

you can do it

Original poster

Meezer2 · 03/10/2022 17:22

TheFuckingDogs · 03/10/2022 10:55

There is also a lot of quit lit and self help out there.
AA is good for some people but there are also many other online options now too.
be kind to yourself, take it easy over the next few weeks and do things non booze related that make you happy.

you can do it

Thanks the dogs... very helpful.
I'm going to try my hardest

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Dillydollydingdong · 03/10/2022 17:27

Just realize and understand that what you are doing is potentially likely to kill you. My dsis died at the age of 58 due to her fondness for alcohol. That affects her DC, myself and wider family. I miss her.

theemmadilemma · 03/10/2022 17:34

It doesn't sound like you're physically dependent but look up your local substance abuse centre you should be able to self refer but can go via your GP.

They should be able to offer support.

The below is re detox but might still apply to accessing any help re CGL.

substance abuse centre, and self referred, which you should be able to do too. You can find them here www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/find-an-alcohol-addiction-service/location Avoid CGL they seem to direct to Detox UK who will charge. You do not need to pay, this is available on the NSH (bar usual prescription charges) and if you struggle to get free help, these can help: Dear Albert can help: www.dearalbert.co.uk/nhs-alcohol-detox/. I did around 3 months counselling once a week prior and again after. 10 day at home detox

theemmadilemma · 03/10/2022 17:35

I'm 47, was high functioning but physically dependent. I'm 3 years sober. You can do this!

clowerina · 03/10/2022 17:36

I think if you're going to give something up you need to replace it with something else - a hobby of sorts - to distract and replace the time with something more positive. sport? running? yoga? these are good because after a short while you get endorphins. even gaming (easy to sit down and game of an eve and you get really into some games) or something to look forward to.

Original poster

Meezer2 · 03/10/2022 21:11

Dillydollydingdong · 03/10/2022 17:27

Just realize and understand that what you are doing is potentially likely to kill you. My dsis died at the age of 58 due to her fondness for alcohol. That affects her DC, myself and wider family. I miss her.

So sorry to hear what happened to your sister and the impact to your family.
I'm trying to sort myself out now so things don't get any worse for me than they are now.

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Original poster

Meezer2 · 03/10/2022 21:13

clowerina · 03/10/2022 17:36

I think if you're going to give something up you need to replace it with something else - a hobby of sorts - to distract and replace the time with something more positive. sport? running? yoga? these are good because after a short while you get endorphins. even gaming (easy to sit down and game of an eve and you get really into some games) or something to look forward to.

Thanks for those suggestions Clowerina. I'm looking at trying to get fit, that would be a good distraction from drinking. I've always fancied trying yoga

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Northernsoullover · 03/10/2022 21:14

I quit drinking by using the audible version of Alcohol Lied to Me by Craig Beck. I was drinking harmful levels and had tried to quit for years. It was like someone had flicked a switch and cured me overnight. I'm nearly 4 years free of alcohol.

Original poster

Meezer2 · 03/10/2022 21:15

theemmadilemma · 03/10/2022 17:35

I'm 47, was high functioning but physically dependent. I'm 3 years sober. You can do this!

Thank you for responding. How did you start your journey of abstinence if you put don't mind me asking? Also how did you maintain sobriety once achieved?

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Northernsoullover · 03/10/2022 21:22

I know you didn't direct your question to me but just thought I'd add. I tried to quit for ten years. I tried AA but I didn't stick with it because I honestly believed my life would be joyless without alcohol and didn't want to stop. I just wanted to be 'sensible'. My life is far more joyful since stopping.

Original poster

Meezer2 · 03/10/2022 21:38

Northernsoullover · 03/10/2022 21:14

I quit drinking by using the audible version of Alcohol Lied to Me by Craig Beck. I was drinking harmful levels and had tried to quit for years. It was like someone had flicked a switch and cured me overnight. I'm nearly 4 years free of alcohol.

That's so encouraging to hear. I am aiming for this too. I need to find out what works for me.

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Original poster

Meezer2 · 03/10/2022 21:42

Northernsoullover · 03/10/2022 21:22

I know you didn't direct your question to me but just thought I'd add. I tried to quit for ten years. I tried AA but I didn't stick with it because I honestly believed my life would be joyless without alcohol and didn't want to stop. I just wanted to be 'sensible'. My life is far more joyful since stopping.

That's part of my problem at the moment northern. I can't imagine life being 'fun' without alcohol in it
I started drinking at 17 and only stopped during my 2 pregnancies.
I simply can't visualise life without booze in it, although I really need to now.
I've got so much learned behaviour around socialising for example with alcohol being the main focus.

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Onewildandpreciouslife · 03/10/2022 22:28

I'm 6 months sober, and about a year younger than you. I would recommend reading some “quit lit” - The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober is a good start. As are The Alcohol Experiment and The Sober Diaries.

It will help you to question some of your assumptions around alcohol- although you say you love drinking, how much do you really love it? For me, I eventually realised I really loved the moment just before my first glass of the evening, and possibly the first couple of sips - after that I was just thinking about how much I had left, and when I could get my next glass. And then there was the 3am anxiety, followed by a morning feeling “off”. I was enjoying 5 minutes, but spoiling the rest of my day.

Since stopping, my mental well-being has improved massively, as has my fitness levels, skin and hair.

And I haven’t gone to AA, although I have joined a couple of the Alcohol Change Facebook groups.

Good luck

LovinglifeAF · 03/10/2022 22:43

I’m just over 13 months sober, I’m 49.

after various half arsed attempts, trying to cut down, reading quit lit etc I realised I had to stop altogether. That what I had viewed as my friend was a huge act of self harm.

I kidded myself on that I was high functioning as I held down a good job , everyone fed and clothed, roof over our heads, 2 cars in the drive…etc.

but inside I was a mess. I thought I loved drink but I also hated it. I wanted to live without it but also just to die to rid me of the torment. And I felt so guilty that my family would have the embarrassment of me having died of alcohol abuse.

AA was not for me but that doesn’t mean it won’t be for you. I quit with quit lit books, Instagram influencers, social media groups, podcasts. They helped me realise I was not alone.

if you are spending all your wages in a few days on drink you are moving away from being “functioning” any more IMO. You don’t have to hit a rock bottom. Let this be it.

life is not perfect sober because life never is. But it’s much better and more honest without the physical and mental burden of alcohol

good luck x

Stircrazyschoolmum · 04/10/2022 09:12

Wow! So many positive and inspirational stories on here.

I have been round and round the revolving door of quitting, moderating, drinking, binging, multiple times - with my longest alcohol-free period being around 9 months. (High functioning, two kids, stable relationship and own business, on paper all good but a complete mess inside.)

Having ended up in A&E last Thursday, I've resolved that I've got to quit and quit for good. I've learned the hard way that it's a progressive thing and reading the shared experiences on this thread and others has made me realise that if I don't stop soon I'll end up dead.

Obviously, I'm at the start of my journey (again) so there's only so much 'advice' I can give. But I wanted to share something I found on one of the quit lit sites (poss sober diaries but I can't remember!) It said that basically - finding a substitute for your time is very useful, if you take something away you create a vaccum and ultimately feel deprived. However, the mindset work is really, really important. Otherwise, you are doing the equivalent of choosing what paint colour to decorate your walls whilst your house burns down. Yes, definitely build a toolbox of distractions and self care techniques, but simultaneously look really hard at why you drink and what you need to change in your life to help sobriety stick (job, relationships, lifestyle, location, unprocessed traumas or history to name a few) This really resonated with me, since having my kids (now teens!) I feel like I lost quite a large chunk of my independence and identity that no amount of running or yoga would compensate for. I'm now trying to find ways of returning to my old self (or perhaps finding a new improved version!) Because alcohol is no longer serving any positive purpose.

Best of luck, there's so much warmth and support on this board, I believe you can achieve anything you set your mind to.

Original poster

Meezer2 · 04/10/2022 18:25

Onewildandpreciouslife · 03/10/2022 22:28

I'm 6 months sober, and about a year younger than you. I would recommend reading some “quit lit” - The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober is a good start. As are The Alcohol Experiment and The Sober Diaries.

It will help you to question some of your assumptions around alcohol- although you say you love drinking, how much do you really love it? For me, I eventually realised I really loved the moment just before my first glass of the evening, and possibly the first couple of sips - after that I was just thinking about how much I had left, and when I could get my next glass. And then there was the 3am anxiety, followed by a morning feeling “off”. I was enjoying 5 minutes, but spoiling the rest of my day.

Since stopping, my mental well-being has improved massively, as has my fitness levels, skin and hair.

And I haven’t gone to AA, although I have joined a couple of the Alcohol Change Facebook groups.

Good luck

Thank you Onewild.
That really resonates with me. If I break it down, and like you say ask what it is about drinking I love, It's definitely the first drink, anything after that I'm already thinking about the next one, and so on. It's the anticipation and build up to what I associate with stress relief and relaxing. The old phrase 'one is too many and a thousand is never enough' seems to be my style of drinking.

I did 7 months around 5 years ago but thought I'd 'treat' myself to a drink on a summer holiday. Soon escalated back to the weekend binge pattern.

I do suffer with anxiety, insomnia etc which I know is exacerbated by alcohol.
I am so wasteful of my weekends because I'm either drinking, recovering or sleeping. So unproductive of my time.

I think if I can avoid picking up that first drink on Friday night then that's mostly the battle won.

OP posts:

Original poster

Meezer2 · 04/10/2022 18:27

By the way, thank you all so very much for commenting and making suggestions.

I feel so much less alone and I'm really taking on board all of what has been said

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Original poster

Meezer2 · 04/10/2022 18:38

Stircrazyschoolmum · 04/10/2022 09:12

Wow! So many positive and inspirational stories on here.

I have been round and round the revolving door of quitting, moderating, drinking, binging, multiple times - with my longest alcohol-free period being around 9 months. (High functioning, two kids, stable relationship and own business, on paper all good but a complete mess inside.)

Having ended up in A&E last Thursday, I've resolved that I've got to quit and quit for good. I've learned the hard way that it's a progressive thing and reading the shared experiences on this thread and others has made me realise that if I don't stop soon I'll end up dead.

Obviously, I'm at the start of my journey (again) so there's only so much 'advice' I can give. But I wanted to share something I found on one of the quit lit sites (poss sober diaries but I can't remember!) It said that basically - finding a substitute for your time is very useful, if you take something away you create a vaccum and ultimately feel deprived. However, the mindset work is really, really important. Otherwise, you are doing the equivalent of choosing what paint colour to decorate your walls whilst your house burns down. Yes, definitely build a toolbox of distractions and self care techniques, but simultaneously look really hard at why you drink and what you need to change in your life to help sobriety stick (job, relationships, lifestyle, location, unprocessed traumas or history to name a few) This really resonated with me, since having my kids (now teens!) I feel like I lost quite a large chunk of my independence and identity that no amount of running or yoga would compensate for. I'm now trying to find ways of returning to my old self (or perhaps finding a new improved version!) Because alcohol is no longer serving any positive purpose.

Best of luck, there's so much warmth and support on this board, I believe you can achieve anything you set your mind to.

Hi Stircrazy.

Thank you for responding.
I've been doing the feast and famine, stopping, bingeing , feeling great temporarily, back to drinking.. ad infinitum for more years than I care to remember.

You've raised some very interesting points re thinking about why I abuse alcohol in the first place?

I've got lots of things I need to work on, improving self esteem, Self worth and I suppose, fundamentally liking myself and wanting a future where I'm no longer harming who I am with poison every weekend and pressing the self destruct button.
Heaps of unresolved past trauma to work through for me.

I'm going to give this time my all, I so don't want to slip any further down

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Original poster

Meezer2 · 04/10/2022 18:43

theemmadilemma · 03/10/2022 17:34

It doesn't sound like you're physically dependent but look up your local substance abuse centre you should be able to self refer but can go via your GP.

They should be able to offer support.

The below is re detox but might still apply to accessing any help re CGL.

substance abuse centre, and self referred, which you should be able to do too. You can find them here www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/find-an-alcohol-addiction-service/location Avoid CGL they seem to direct to Detox UK who will charge. You do not need to pay, this is available on the NSH (bar usual prescription charges) and if you struggle to get free help, these can help: Dear Albert can help: www.dearalbert.co.uk/nhs-alcohol-detox/. I did around 3 months counselling once a week prior and again after. 10 day at home detox

Thank you very much for the link Theemma

I don't think I'm physically dependent either it's definitely habitual/mental dependence.

I just get to the weekend and it's like all my best intentions get hoofed out of the window and it's 'pub time'
I need to create new 'reward' systems really

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theemmadilemma · 04/10/2022 19:09

@Meezer2

I had to start with a detox. If you mean what got me to that point? I was fucking ill. I was waking up at 5am with withdrawal feeling sick and sweating. I would shake so much I couldn't function until I got the first few drinks down, but that meant drinking and throwing it up a few times first. I would stand in my shower and sob because I was so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I couldn't eat and was under weight. It was just time. I wanted a life back more than one with alcohol in it.

What keeps me sober? Fucking joy!!! It was a big, dark hole I was in, for years. And those first days post detox not feeling anxious, scared and sick was amazing. Suddenly the world was vibrant and full of every day joy! I love my life now. I had to be really honest with myself that although I wasn't physically dependent the whole time, I was never able to control my drinking. If finish the bottle and start looking for the next. Even if it took 20 more years, I'd end up back in the shit. My life is considerably improved since I got sober. 10 x better in every way.

I do not miss drinking. Maybe I'm one of the lucky ones, but this life? Not trading it for alcohol for one second!!

I won't lie that the counselling I had was very helpful too. I did have a breakthrough moment and being able to talk frankly with a counsellor that was also an ex addict made a huge difference.