Sober evenings - what do you do??

[tactum]

I'm 2 weeks into a sober phase. Not sure yet if it's permanent, or just a post lockdown reset, certainly seeking to reset drinking behaviour at home.

After drinking more than a bottle of wine a night since god knows when, I'm actually pretty chuffed with how it's going. I look, better, I sleep better and I feel great.

But, fuck me, am I bored!!!! Evenings drag and I just seem to watch the clock until I can go to bed and tick another day off.

Evenings used to mean a glass or two cooking dinner, another couple with dinner, and then slumping on the sofa with the rest watching mindless crap on TV, in a haze of numbness.

Now I'm just bored stupid!!!! Dinner done n dusted early as there's no point dragging it out, everything cleared up etc then it seems there's nothing to do by 7.30 and the TV is crap!!

Please give me ideas or tips as to how to get through the long sober evenings! During the day I'm busy, I read, do sport, walk, see friends. I guess I need to create new things in the evening but I am knackered and used to slumping - and drinking! Any help gratefully received!!

Just posting to say well done. I am taking note of the suggestions here too.
Small steps build up to make a difference over time.

You’re not alone. I’m on Day 2 of a sober journey; so hats off to you for being theee weeks in.

I hope your confidence picks up.

Enjoy the crocheting.

three

Now you are not comatose - you can go out! I now do 3 evening bootcamps a week. It's lovely being out in the fresh air getting fit whatever the weather, watching the sun set between the trees. Way more fun than slumping in front of a rubbish scandi noir.

If you have local friends who are up for it, go for night walks - great way to catch up and get fitter.

Or start a couple of projects you can break down into small chunks - upcycling furniture, restyling a room in the house, writing a book or just keeping a journal, some self-care evenings of pedicures, facials etc.

You could start a sober book club: tea and books.

You could do a free online course or sign up for Masterclass.

Get lost down Reddit rabbit holes trying to solve unsolved mysteries.

This is what box sets were invented for!

Also, try a new film every now and again, one you wouldn't normally pick.

Loooooong baths are lovely too...

You could start a sober book club: tea and books

I’d join that! Is there an online version?

I listen to audible stories when I'm too flaked to read. I start up whilst I'm cooking, then find often I want to pick up again afterwards. For me, the alcohol was about marking the end of the active day. I try to replace that with something else - either a bath, getting changed into comfy clothes and making a nice soft drink. A friend has even set up some optics in her kitchen with those lovely bottles of cordial (can't remember the brand but they're lovely), so it feels indulgent to have one with a sparkling water.
Well done on ditching the booze.

@Perriwinkles

You could start a sober book club: tea and books

I’d join that! Is there an online version?

Dunno. Just thought it up. I'd join too. All our local book clubs are excuses for massive piss-ups. I would be the square in the corner wanting to talk about the actual books!

@robotcollision
Ha ha! Until two days ago I would’ve been there for the piss-up too! It’s a good idea…although I find book clubs tough as I never tend to want to read the books that are chosen: my inner rebel!

The thing a lot of people don't tell you about being sober is that you do spend a lot of time being bored, or "getting through it" in the early days. It doesn't mean it's not worth it, it doesn't mean it's not a better life; but it does mean having to deal with unpleasant feelings like boredom rather than being able to have a drink to make them go away. It can be tough to face this, in the early days.

Well done for being 2 weeks sober, that's brilliant.

It does get better and easier. Fun looks different when you're sober.You have to put a bit of effort in to having fun, which I still find weird. No more opening the wine and letting the good times roll! Which is harder, but also great. You can have an authentically good time rather than getting numb and stupid (if you're me.)

Things that I find help in the long evenings - meditation is great. If you think it sounds wanky, so did I, but it actually helps you find a lot of enjoyment in simple things and is really pleasurable to do. Jeff Warren's "How to Meditate" course on Calm is really good.

Lovely food!! You're getting sober, this means you're allowed to stuff your face with anything you want. Sugar provides a similar dopamine hit to booze so hitting the sweet stuff will make you feel happy and content without reaching for the gin.

Move!! Exercise or clean, if you have the energy.

Or, be bored. Accept that your emotions and feelings are coming back thanks to ditching the alcohol. This mental space of boredom can cause you to push yourself towards things you really want to do, without alcohol plugging the gap. So what have you always wanted to do? What small goal have you always wanted to achieve but have never done? Use your boredom as a motivator.

Your problem is your evenings were boring to start with, but you didn't notice! On the plus side this is great chance to find a new interest.

Some ideas.

• learn an instrument or a craft
• try out some new recipes
• find a good series of books
• see what's on locally - meetup.com, book groups, board game club, sports clubs

It stood out to me that evenings with your friends are quite alcohol based. I think friendship groups tend to segregate based on alcohol consumption, so maybe you could look to find people who aren't bothered about alcohol? Or notice which of your friends are the lighter drinkers, and suggest a walk or other outdoor meetup. A typical evening meetup with my friends would involve soft drinks, or perhaps one beer for those who fancy it.

You need to find a series that has lots of episodes that you can lose yourself in. I've just started watching Lost (after being told to watch it for years!) and I love it, me and DP have been watching 5/6 eps a night, and the time just flies. Or reading, I do a lot of that too, if DP wants to spend a bit of time gaming or whatever.

It's also good to find something to do with your hands - maybe think about buying a fidget toy, or taking up diamond painting or colouring or something like that. I do that to stop me eating in an evening and it works like a charm.

@tactum I've been lurking around alcohol support for a while and came across your thread. Have name changed.

I feel like I could have written it his post, the time line, the drink of choice, the amount ive been drinking! Everything.

I'm on day 9 of no alcohol, having the same feelings as you around the evenings!
I've been going to the gym where I can but I do have the same feelings around just waiting for bedtime to tick off the day.

I'd just had enough. I was embarrassed about the amount of bottles I was going through a week. I really didn't think I'd be able to go more than a night or two without even a glass of wine, something has switched in my head and I've had enough. Enough of being 2 stone overweight that is ALL caused in the last 18months of wine consumption, and all sitting round my middle.

Well done you. Keep going

@Comingout0fmycage

something has switched in my head and I've had enough
Yeah me too. I’m on Day 3 so I know it’s early days but I too have had enough!

Go to bed much earlier, then you can get up earlier. Find some great TV series / comedies to watch. Yoga in front of the TV. Hobbies - art etc? Read a great book. Plan a holiday!

I always go for a walk after dinner. Usually out between 8 and 9pm walking and then I'm quite happy to watch TV for an hour before I go to bed and read. I do have dogs though so I don't have much choice but to walk, however it's nice to walk on your own too or with your teens. Waling does something to teens where they suddenly open up and you will have great conversations, at least that's what happens with mine. Or you can walk with a friend.

Thanks all for your continued support and suggestions. To @perriwinkles and @Comingout0fmycage - welcome and well done to you too! Small steps make bigger ones!

It's really useful to hear a couple of people say feeling bored is firstly normal, and secondly can actually be a useful and necessary part of the process. I feel possibly more able to acknowledge the boredom and accept it now. It will pass - I'm not the kind of person to feel bored for the rest of my life! And actually in itself it's quite a novelty to be sat at 9.30 feeling bored rather than pissed!

I like the idea of evening walks - although don't walk in the dark so that may not last long! - I can shift those from day to early evenings.

I've ordered crochet stuff which will arrive today and I am weirdly excited by that - like the idea of being able to make presents down the line for friends and possibly blankets for NICU or some other charity. And looking forward to learning something new.

Thanks all - I have a potentially very stressful afternoon taking my Mum to a hospital appointment which may be fairly traumatic for all concerned as she has advanced dementia - this would normally have me reaching for the bottle at the first opportunity. Interesting to see how I cope...

I used to be exactly the same! I'm pregnant now and therefore having sobriety fully enforced on me and yes the evenings do drag!

Things that I do - read (so much easier when you're sober, I could never be bothered to read when I was drinking and if I did I would forget most of it!)

Yoga classes either in person or online.

Mindless scrolling of MN or Tik Tok.

Films and series.

Let me ds stay up a bit later for company lol.

An evening walk on nice evenings. It's the best time to be out.

How are you getting on @tactum ?

[quote Perriwinkles]@robotcollision
Ha ha! Until two days ago I would’ve been there for the piss-up too! It’s a good idea…although I find book clubs tough as I never tend to want to read the books that are chosen: my inner rebel![/quote]
That's the other reason I have never joined one. I love reading but have no desire to wade through some politician's biography or a novel by an author I know I don't like.

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