Think ex partner has serious liver disease

[BritInAus]

Hi all. My ex partner is an alcoholic. We split 9 months ago. We have one child, who resides with me full time due to safety issues/alcoholism.

I sense my ex is getting towards the pointy end in terms of their liver. They have recently turned yellow (eyes and more recently, face) and their belly is enormous and suggests ascites. Can barely walk. Lots of other symptoms - alcohol related neuropathy diagnosed 18 months ago. Multiple DUIs, hospitalisations, loss of job.

I am lucky to have wonderful friends, family and a therapist worth their weight in gold!

Two specific questions for anyone with experience in these areas:

1. What have you done to support your child when one of their parents is an alcoholic? My DD is only 6. I have bought/borrowed appropriated books, talked openly (but age appropriately), talked to her teachers, am considering asking my therapist to see her. Is there anything else I could do / shouldn't do / haven't thought of?

2. I know it's 'how long is a piece of string' - but does the ascites / jaundice suggest it's 'end stage' liver disease? Ex DP won't seek any medical help at all. Still deep in denial, sadly their parents are in denial too. Totally delusional and unhelpful. Do we realistically potentially have weeks / months / years left?! It's so hard to support my child without an actual diagnosis / idea of time potentially left.

Thanks in advance for your support. x

@BritInAus

I saw you had commented about your ex on another thread so wanted to come back and see how you are?

@BritInAus sorry to see your update. I hope things calm down soon. Wishing you & your little one peace of mind.

Hi all, just checking in to say thanks so much for all the lovely supportive comments. What a sad time. My little one thankfully seems to be doing really well - obviously sad, but coping, and her school have been wonderful. I'm so fortunate to have great friends, family and an amazing GP and psychologist! Yes, it certainly is a complicated kind of grief. Thanks to you all again.

Hi @BritInAus
i’m sorry if my commenting brings back sad memories for you and hoping you and your little one are doing well.
i’ve unfortunately found myself in a similar position to you, and i’m trying to read as much as i can to prepare me and DS for what might happen. I share a nearly 10year old DS with ex, son has autism. Ex has a drink problem, been like it years, i left when DS was 2 years old because of it. Ex is now early 40s and 4/5yrs ago he was hospitalised for about 6 weeks with pancreatitis caused by drink. He was told not to drink again and hasn’t listened. He has now developed jaundice, been like it 10 days but only saw GP yesterday who sent him to hospital and he has been admitted. I know jaundice means his liver is quite badly damaged but i’m just trying to understand what might happen next and what the prognosis looks like, i know nobody but the doctors can say this but i’m just wondering if you know from your own experience how bad this is? I’m not sure if he has ascites as he always has a hoodie on when i see him. Thank you in advance

Hi, so sorry to hear this. From what I recall I think my ex died about three weeks after becoming obviously jaundiced. Her eyes were very yellow and skin too. Two of those weeks at home then 5 or 6 days in hospital before she died. Her ascites was very obvious, even in a hoodie or dressing gown. I'm sorry you're in this position and you are very welcome to chat here or message me privately.

im sorry for what lies ahead but promise you it will be ok. It doesn't seem appropriate to say on this post, but life 'after an alcoholic' can be all kinds of wonderful. It's likely you've already done a lot of your grieving for the relationship xx

@BritInAus thank you for replying. He probably doesn’t have ascites then as i’ve not noticed it as i say. He isn’t telling me much which is frustrating as i’m in the dark, he did say yesterday he was coming home Tuesday at the earliest but when i asked what the treatment plan was and what state his health was in he said it was between him and his family. It makes me wonder if it is a sinister outlook and he doesn’t want to face it which is understandable but also him all over. Our son clearly isn’t classed as family then either by the looks of it! I’ve again offered yesterday to support him in recovery and be here for him but the door just gets shut in my face.

So i guess he’s either coming home to recuperate and been told never to drink again or he will come home and deteriorate like your ex did. I just wish i knew so i could prepare myself, DS doesn’t know whats going on at the moment he thinks his dad is just full of cold, i don’t want to have to bring him home from school one day and tell him he has died. I’d rather know the outlook even if its bleak so i can start preparing DS.

So sorry to hear @Bunny2607 - my ex was also secretive, defensive, cold and shutting me out until the very end. It's so so hard. They cleared don't want to be supported in recovery, please focus your efforts on you and your son. I would be honest in a way that's age and developmentally appropriate. Does your son know his father has an alcohol problem? Does he know he's been very ill before?

Hi @BritInAus yes have decided this morning to just focus on me and my son now. I have tried to find out whats going on last night and just got the door shut in my face so i’m not making any contact now. I’m trying to think practically too, have spoken to my husband and he is going to apply to adopt my son if something happens to his biological dad. He has been in my sons life 8 years and has brought him up from being 2 and a half years old, so should something bad happen i don’t want to be the only one left with parental responsibility as if something happened to me there wouldn’t be anyone with PR for my son.
i have this morning told my son whats going on as he was asking when he can see his dad and i honestly don’t know the answer, so i just said daddy is in hospital he has drunk too much beer and made himself poorly, the doctors are trying to make him better but i’m not sure for now when you can see him. I tried to sugar coat it abit but whilst still being honest but also keep my explanation age appropriate, although he is nearly 10 because of the autism he doesn’t act like a 10 year old his brain seems younger so its tricky.
thank you for replying 🌷