I’m so fed up with alcohol controlling my life

[MyLifeNow20]

For the past 18 months I am drinking a bottle of wine a night. I’m a single parent to 3 children.
It’s now making me unhappy, the constant thinking about wine during the day. Waking up in mornings feeling like shit. Getting ratty with my kids. I’m so fed up. I have done the odd day here and there not drinking and I felt proud I’d done it but then the cycle starts again....
I want to lose a stone and eat healthy, I used to be like this. 😩

I've NCd for this because I'm a coward, but I'm right there with you. I'm so sick of waking up feeling groggy and rough every morning, and having lower back pain from my kidneys at age 36. I don't drink every day, more like 3-4 times a week. Sometimes I'll drink 2 bottles a night.

Shit isn't it.

Do you know why you drink? Is it to relax? To feel happy? Because you're bored? Because you don't like tea? How did you cope before you started drinking alcohol? Are you rewarding yourself with it?

Have a think about these questions, and for example, if you're drinking to relax, then find another way to relax. If you're drinking because you're bored, find something else. If you're rewarding yourself with it, find another reward. A bottle of wine a night must be costing you a fair bit - could you spend that money on something else?

Finally, if you can't kick it yourself, find some help. There's lots of help out there and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Alcohol is a very addictive drug and it does cause problems for people.

Thank you.
I drink because its now habit, its a reward (single parent to 3 girls, 2 are teenagers and its hard work) It used to make me happy but now it stresses me out. Its a reward which I would rather have than eating a load of chocolate like some of my friends do.
Ive got a knitting project going on that I need to get going on, Ive got a puzzle that ive never completed...

Okay, so we need to find another reward that doesn't involve either eating or drinking! Do you have something like Netflix? If not, could you reward yourself with a subscription to an online streaming service using the money you'll be saving, and enjoy some good films? If two of your girls are teenagers, could you get out of the house one evening a week for an hour or so for a pilates or yoga class?

The only thing is that alcohol will make you sicker than chocolate in the long run and probably contains just as many calories. It's all sugar, after all. Many people find that when they give up alcohol, their bodies are still craving the sugar they were getting from it, so they initially find themselves replacing the sugar that the alcohol gave them with sugar from chocolate etc. But at least you can still drive after a bar of chocolate and it doesn't give you a hangover!

For info, there are 600 calories in the average bottle of wine, and 230 calories in a Mars bar.

Thank you so much for replying to me.
I go out once a week to a fitness class. Ive got my own horse now that ive had for 3 months, I had said to myself that the money I dont spend on alocohol would pay for her livery fees but ive never done it!
I guess chocolate isnt such a bad thing, I could reward myself with some. Once I had a cup of tea and an ornage twirl and then got into bed at 10 and read my book, felt amazing but slept rubbish!

I was drinking a bottle a night (a bit more at weekends)
I just quit cold turkey, replaced the wine with other treat drinks.
I focused on
financial savings
health benefits
my children not seeing me with a glass constantly fused to my hand.
Not being grumpy
not having a permanent hangover
benefits for my skin.
Weight loss
Better sleep.

I’m almost 30 days sober
That’s a saving of at least £150!
My skin looks fab, I feel great
I’ve lost 6 pounds.

It was really easy, surprisingly so. I read lots of positive stories to motivate me. If I can do it, so can you.

Oh, this is me - i seem to be finding a natural hiatus and not drinking quite so much but really, i need to stop. Ive got a stressful job and life stressors i take ADs so alcohol is not great.

I find myself looking forward to wine/beer/gin during the day. Lockdown didnt help.

Im too knackered after work to DO anything in the evenings and tv is crap so its alcphol/phone.

I also need to lose weight.

Ive tried posh soft drinks, doesnt work-

Posting to pick up ideas

Go for it!!! You are treating yourself by giving up. Read some quit alcohol books/podcasts.

I am 10 months alcohol free. What helped was some nice soft drinks and thinking about why I drank.

You can read some of the sober diaries for free.

It’s funny and honest. Every word resonated with me, I could have written it.

Hi op, same boat here. I've been able recently to get a little on top of it, just a little though! So for me the days when I've succeeded I've noticed it's very much about getting through 530-630, the rest then falls into place. We would ordinarily open a bottle at some point up to 6pm so it's almost like once that window is gone, my brain moves on. If i didn't have kids I'd probably also throw in a quick walk around the block around that time, again to break the pattern.

Of course it being December doesn't help but Jesus i was the same in July, aug, Sept, Oct and erm, November so that puts paid to that excuse!

Yes, I think what ShameMacGowan says about making excuses for the time of year etc is true - there's always something - it's the school holidays, it's just after Christmas, it's coming up to Christmas etc.
Eventually you have to say to yourself "If not now, then when?". There's never a good time. Good advice about getting through the 'window' of bottle opening too.

Hi everyone thank you so much for replying.
I have got several books
The unexpected joy of being sober
The sober diaries
This naked mind
Kick the drink easily
Which one is best to start with?

I dont concentrate very well watching tv, I need to find something on netflix.

Try Alcohol Lied to Me too. It's basically the same philosophy as Annie but it's got a handy list of all the vitamins you should take on day 0. I quit without and I wish I'd known about the B vitamins thing. Also come to the long running sober thread on here, it's brilliant, everyone encourages one another. Finally online SMART meetings are super helpful - I do a few a week. You do t have to talk or turn your camera on, you can just listen to the tools and tips. It's CBT based so very practical.

Good suggestions on here!
I found Alcohol Explained and the Unexpected Joy the best quit lit.
It isn't easy with the long winter evenings but is it possible to get out and go for a run or walk at your trigger time? Or find something to do to get you over that period?
I was similar to you, on my own with 2 teenagers. I managed to moderate (one bottle of wine a week over Fri - Sun evenings) for 18 months and lost weight and saved money. I broke the habit of drinking whilst cooking and felt a lot better for it. The Club Soda groups on Facebook were very helpful. My house became exceptionally tidy too!
Then age 53 I got married and it all went tits up as DH likes wine too and it is sociable to drink with him.
I can't drink as much as a bottle in an evening now without feeling pants and have at least 2 AF nights a week, other nights maybe 2 small glasses, other nights more, but it still adds up to too much.
Am watching the thread for more ideas!

I need to stop too. If I was on my own I’d find it easy. But DH is a drinker too. And doesn’t want to stop. He used to work away quite a bit and I wouldn’t drink the nights he was away. He’s retired now so here all the time.

He has said we will have a week off in January. So I’m planning on doing that and reading a few books coming up to it and during and I also have a book on willpower I want to read. I need to take responsibility for my own intake.

I don’t want to give up totally but I want to stop drinking at home. We don’t go out much so I’d like to be able to just have a glass of wine if we go out for lunch or dinner.

@NewSpark thanks for the book recommendations I've just ordered the Annie Grace one.

@MyLifeNow20 I struggle with alcohol too and it's not made any easier that my DP is a high functioning alcoholic and likes to facilitate my drinking. I'm currently gearing myself up mentally for quitting drinking after Christmas (my new year resolutions are usually quite successful). I'm 47 with a 5 year old ds and I want to stick around in good health for him. I've stopped smoking 5 years ago, I've sorted my fitness and diet (work in progress but getting there) and now I just need to sort the demon drink...

Oh God isn't it hard when you have kids! I would find it easy if I was on my own too. But with a tantrumy toddler who doesn't want to eat her dinner and keeps throwing food on the floor etc etc etc, the long evening routines are just a bit less stressful with a glass of wine or three :-D

When I was pregnant, I never touched alcohol and it was surprisingly easy. But having a newborn and later toddler really threw me off kilter.
I just find it such hard work. Alcohol is the only thing that relaxes me. There are other things that relax me, like reading books. But I can't do that when my DD is up and needing constant attention.

You're not alone, OP ....

You're definitely not alone OP x

OP increasingly lots of us are recognising that alcohol is a problem. You don't need to be suffering physical dependence for it to be a real problem. It's an addictive substance but apparently it's our fault if we haven't played with it responsibly and we now find ourselves craving it. We wouldn't say this about any other mind altering drug. Such bullshit.

A list of stuff that I've found really helpful.

Podcasts:

Love Sober
Edit
Home

Books:
Lucy Rocca's books
Quit Like a Woman Holly Whitaker
We Are The Luckiest Laura McKowen

Instagram accounts:
Mandy Manners
Kate Baily
Tempest/The Temper
Emily Lynn Paulson

Drinking, the after effects of drinking and the thinking about drinking are exhausting. You don't have to do it.

I’m with you OP, all day I worry about drinking too much, then after a busy day I pour a drink. I have a stressful job. This year has been worse than ever. For drinking and work stress. However if I wasn’t worry about drinking I would have more time to focus on other stuff. I’m going to download the sober diaries.

Can someone explain the B vitamin thing to me pls?

I'm giving up in January: I don't know if it will need to be forever. Happy to give and receive any support x

I think alcohol prevents the absorption of vitamin B and this, in the worst case scenario can lead to Korsakoff Syndrome aka alcohol dementia. Alcohol dependent people are often prescribed high dose vitamin B to try to mitigate this. I take a 'Super B complex' type vitamin as I worry about the damage I might have done over the years but I'm not sure if a doctor would tell me to.