I just need to get some views.
My 'D'f is in his 70's and lives alone. He's an alcoholic and has a very aggressive character. Growing up he was in various fights and spent time in prison for GBH.
He would flit in and out of mine and my brothers life as my parents were not together.
He never had a proper relationship with anyone else that I know of, but my DM has been married to my step dad since I was 3.
My brother and I are now in our 40s and in the last two years our father has reappeared on the scene.
He calls and texts constantly, I mean up to 20 times a day. I block him when I need a break from it and speak to him about once a week because I feel obliged too. I see him about once every 6 months ,partlybecause hes 4 hours away and partly because my DH wont have anything to do with him. We have 2 teenagers he has never met. He fell out with DH before they were born because he threatened him whilst we were at my nans funeral. So its quite a strange relationship for me as I am only willing to give the time I do. My brother lives closer to him and is single and has had our father for Christmas, but he says he only does it because he feels he has to and also tries to keep him at arms length. My father is very demanding and pushy .
In the last few months he's been playing the 'I'm at the end of my life card ' and saying he has something to say to my mum,brother and myself. My mum, having not spoken to him at all for nearly 30 years agreed to speak. My brother took her there (they all live closer to him than me) and he apologised for everything he'd done to her but in a 'it was all so and she's fault'kind of way (he was violent and just crap). My mum is a bit of a people pleaser so then started responding to him. It turns out he has proposed they get back together and has been pulling a number of tricks to try and split my mum and step dad up (happily married for 41 years!) He even told her that he found out my step dad was having an affair which is a total fabrication. I think hes doing all of this to try and push his way into the family. He has no one and admittedly my brother and I have been quite reticent in letting him in our lives. I don't want an aggressive alcoholic around my children so I have limited what I will offer in terms of time, but hes pushing to be in the centre of our family. My brother also only sees him about 2 x year.
This has all come to a head since my mum and step dad confronted him about his lies. They have quite rightly cut him off.
What would you do?I feel split as I dont want him fully immersed in my family life. But I feel obliged to at least be available when absolutely necessary as I know he's alone and I also dont want my brother taking more on. But i cant quite get past his level of manipulation. All his apologies to my brother and I, and then my mum were nothing more than his attempt to oil his way in and he intended to destroy my mums marriage in the process!!. Not that he would have done. Can you ever have a part time relationship with someone like this? He is a total narcissist and I think alcohol plays a huge part. Am I fooling myself and should cut it off?