Needing a bit of advice

[Feelingdeprived]

Hi,

I gave up alcohol 3 months ago.

I was never a massive drinker but over the years it has crept up to a third to a half of a bottle pretty much every evening. I never drank during the day and mainly enjoyed a glass to relax after a day at work/with the kids.

I got overly pissed on a night out a couple of times over the last 5 years and got The Fear the next day - awful. Not a regular thing though.

There is also potentially a type of cancer (potentially, we don't know if it's hereditary or not) in the family where alcohol is a risk factor - this played a big part in my wanting to give up.

Anyway, I tried to have a few nights off a week but found that really hard. Is it my night on/off, still thinking about a drink.

So after a fairly boozy weekend away with my husband in February I decided to stop and see what happened.

I don't miss the hangovers after a night out and I love never having to worry I've said something daft. However, I really really miss it during the week. Life just feels a bit flat and everything in lockdown seems to be about a glass of wine over Zoom/in the garden. It's everywhere.

I'm wondering what to do really. I've tried reading books "Unexpected Joy" etc.. but these are aimed at people who had use issues/ended up in jail/had blackouts/lost jobs. I can drink in moderation, not a problem at all for me, I can stop at one or two (mostly at two!) however I really enjoy those two glasses, or that cocktail in the sun. I miss it.

Looking back over my life, I also have a history of being a bit of a worrier/making my life hard through self imposed rules. So maybe I need to just relax a bit. Lots of my friends are a bit bemused about my giving up, thinking that I didn't have a problem with it.

Any words of advice? I hoped that I would feel freed up by just giving up but it's still there. Maybe I need to learn how to moderate? Help!

Half a bottle of wine every night is a problem though. It’s well above recommended and the fact you are struggling without it points to it being more important to you than you’d like to admit.

Maybe try sticking to the recommended weekly units and see if you can manage that? If it starts creeping up again, re assess. I find lime and soda a good replacement for a wine. It’s definitely hard to learn how to moderate but making sure you have at least 3 alcohol free days a week is really beneficial to health.

I’m not trying to sound sanctimonious, I’ve had the same struggle but seem to be doing ok now.

Thanks @Puds11. It definitely wasn't half a bottle every night, more like a third but yes it creeps up.

Maybe moderation is the way to go now i've had a proper break from it. I love soda and ginger cordial. I'll give the lime a try too.

Just feel a bit sad about the whole thing tonight.

Don’t feel too sad about it. You’ve recognised there’s a problem, all be it a relatively small one, and you’re taking steps to deal with it.

I think cracking the moderation is the best way to go about it as you rarely get that wine taste from anything else! I’ve tried a lot of alcohol free wines and they are grim!

Also have a look at alcohol free cocktails. They can be really nice and fun to make.

@Puds11 - thank you. This lockdown is hard going, I appreciate your kind words and good advice.

Yes an alcohol free mojito would be amazing. I also love virgin bloody Marys - prefer them to the real thing! Thanks.

It is a slippery slope, especially if you're struggling without having a drink, it means you at least have an emotional addiction to it.

Well done for giving up.

Virgin bloody Mary’s are the best! Definitely going to be having some of those this week

It’s very tough at the moment, hopefully things will start to get easier soon.

Good luck @Feelingdeprived

Thank you