I don’t drink much now for various health reasons, no alcohol issues or anything, just feel better not doing it. Been like that for about six or seven years now.
At first I just went out with friends as usual, but it gets a bit boring seeing other people very drunk when you’re sober. I think it’s a dampener in both sides tbh.
Then I went through an avoiding phase, which was also boring. It just means not seeing people, and they can get a bit hurt by that, as well as you feel a bit isolated.
Then I went through a meet for lunch or cinema and always need to drive back so no drinking. It was ok but a bit stilted.
Now I’m in a phase where I see people a bit less often, but still fairly frequently. Usually time it close to birthdays, anniversaries or holidays so there’s an excuse to make it special. The format has changed. It’s generally something like this:
Meet for a coffee lateish afternoon, good sober chat and catch up.
Go to cinema, gallery, sports event or some other activity that is no or low drinking potential. Oddly enough, the right kind of distillery tour fits the bill on this- you spend a long time going round looking at stuff, with just some samples at the end (which can often be taken away in a driver’s kit).
Go for a drink. Has to be somewhere that is nice- decor or ambiance. Must also serve fairly fancy special drinks with table service or similar, this slows things down a lot. I’ll also be able to get something I’ll enjoy whether or not I have an alcoholic drink at this point. Usually I don’t, two of three times a year I will feel like it. I’ll only have a drink if I feel like it. We discuss the activity earlier, this means there is a relevant recent stimulus to keep the conversation going.
Go for a meal, usually a pizza, keep it fairly simple. I might have a glass of wine or similar with dinner, this might be because I had a drink at the previous stage and am enjoying it, it might be because I see a wine I know I’ll love and really enjoy, even if I didn’t have a drink earlier. This happens twice a year I’d say.
At this point, I might go back to the hotel I’ve booked, having spent a good amount of time with a friend or friends, at this point usually having had 0-2 drinks. If DH is with me, he might continue out for a while longer.
Alternatively, about once a year, I will feel like carrying on. Then it’s on for as many drinks as I fancy, keeping to same level of drinking establishment as before. If possible, switching venues fairly frequently to pop in some non-drinking/walking/fresh air time. This keeps stuff from getting too out of hand.
Then I go back to my hotel. The hotel is key. It means I’m not tied to no drinking as driving home or to staying with someone who wants to stay out/keep drinking. This means I am free to chose what feels right to me spontaneously. It does make a night out more expensive, but as usually I don’t drink I think it evens out. If you live close enough a reliable taxi/lift service would fulfil the same purpose.
I usually try to avoid nights that I know will be very busy- so a Thursday or a Sunday is preferable to a Friday or a Saturday usually. They will be quieter, but not dead. Bit more of an incentive to finish a bit earlier. A Friday or a Saturday between Xmas and New Year is the exception- some people will be out and about but generally they are saving it for Hogmanay/NYE.
I found that walls can go up a bit without either party really meaning it like that. So now I just set things up so I can go with my flow. I don’t mean you should drink to fit in, I just mean “never say never”. I feel like a drink or two about four times a year, I feel like getting really quite merry maybe once. It doesn’t cause me any health effects at that frequency.
Crucially, it has to be spontaneous, I just need to feel like it there and then, because the evening is going well and I am actually enjoying a drink. Sometimes I think I want a glass of wine at dinner and take a sip and know it’s not the evening for me. If so, I just let someone else drink it.