How to help my brother a cry for help.

[LemonFun]

This is probably totally outing but it's a cry for help.

Our father was an alcoholic and died young at the age of 46. However our parents had us young. An arranged marriage. So when he died at 46 I was 26 almost 27. My younger brother 23.

My brother has extreme binges probably about once a month. Alcohol. These can start of as a drink with a friend - but then lead to all night drinking. My sister in law, their baby and my mother all live together. Alcohol is a big part of socialising in our culture and alcoholism is a serious problem. My grandfather was an alcoholic, as was my father. My brother will function on a daily basis. He owns a business and works in this - but so does my mum so when he goes on his benders/binges she will work for him or he will organise staff.

He is in his mid-30s. When he drinks to extreme levels he hallucinates - literally he can go crazy - wanting to escape from the house. He's dangerous. He has a lot of anger. I left home at 18 to go to Uni and he stayed home - he saw the worse of my dad's alcoholism. I never returned home.

He had a binge this weekend and my mum was incredibly upset - very very upset. She stayed up with him as he drank and drank until 5am then she tried to feed him. She did this so he doesn't disturb my SIL and baby. Eventually she got him to sleep at 730. He slept but then woke up hallucinating and started drinking again.

He wanted to leave the house to go to work - but it wasn't safe for him to do so. They had to hide the keys. In the past (pre-lockdown) he has gone on all night binges with his 'friends'. He lives near his friends and they often (pre-lockdown) visit my old home - mum's house - his house - and have partied etc.

My mum, his wife they are all at breaking point. My mum didn't tell me all this had happened until today cos she knows I go mental at him and last time he swore and said bad things to me - he always puts going out with friends before family . He's horrible and selfish but he's my brother and I want to help.

But I know we can only help if wants help. Does anyone know of anything we can do?

Bumping

You really can’t help an alcoholic unless they are ready to be helped I’m afraid.

You have my sympathies, there are many alcoholics in my family. The only one that sought help hit rock bottom first, they are working on it but it’s Day by Day and they are constantly teetering on the edge of relapse. We have been begging them to seek help for the best part of a decade, they have lost their marriage, their children & almost lost their life before finally wanting to change.
It’s tough. Sorry
You can contact AA as a relative of an alcoholic.

www.al-anonuk.org.uk

Thank you for responding. It’s so incredibly sad for my mother as she lived through this with my father and now living through this with her son. The business ties them together work wise - so to make the business survive if he binges she will work.

I know my SIL only has so many chances left in her before she will probably leave him and take my nephew.

What help is available? Counselling? Where can we go to get this?

Thanks my SIL and I are doing some research to present to my brother on counsellors. It might be we pay privately for in-patient care. He doesn't think he is an alcoholic as he doesn't drink every day but these binges are horrific.