Adult Children of Alcoholics

[CatsCoffeeAndBooks]

I am trying to learn about myself, I have many insecurities and anxieties, I feel this is due to my childhood, I grew up with an alcoholic mother, she died from cirrhosis when she was 37, I was 19. My father passed away when I was 10. My sister who is 24 is now an alcoholic.

How did growing up with an alcoholic impact on your life? Have you been able to overcome difficulties, if so, how? I always feel different to over people and I don't know why.

Thank you in advance

[Drybird2020]

I'm so sorry that you have had such huge obstacles in your life, and that the people closest to you have died of alcoholism. It must be a terrible burden to bear.

What little I know about the effects of parental alcoholism on children is that they can be long lasting and pervasive and that professional support and advice will be the best way to get help. Al Anon would be a good place to start.

[iamyourequal]

Just wanted to offer support Cats, didn’t want to read and run. I can’t imagine how tough you’ve had it, you have coped with a lot. It’s understandable you have worries and insecurities, perhaps counseling might help you work on these?
My DF has cirrhosis, he has made it to his mid70s, but continues to drink, at a reduced rate. He was always a heavy drinker growing up, but I don’t know if he is an alcoholic, though my sibling thinks he is. He always worked and doesn’t drink during the day. I guess the worst part growing up was seeing him much drunker than others at family parties and being embarrassed by him. He has also been verbally abusive to my mum when drunk. I have spoken with him many times about this. He has always been in denial. To be honest it has often made me cross with my mum. I often think she has been weak in putting up with him and should have acted on it decades ago. I fully appreciate this is a complete lack of empathy on my part. Anyway I hope others with answers are along hers for you soon. Take care.

[orangeloo]

@CatsCoffeeAndBooks
I'm so sorry to read this. This must have been and still will be so hard for you. I agree that you should seek some kind of counselling and support. I've had nothing to contend with compared to you. My DF was an alcoholic he has now stopped drinking due to a treatment that he needs for pain management of a medical condition. He has only given up in the last couple of years. He is 59, I'm 32 and the relief that he doesn't drink anymore is great. His drinking most affected me in my late teens early 20's as I could see what was actually going on he had two bad accidents that could of killed him. It was very frustrating and upsetting that he could have such disregard to himself and us as otherwise he is a wonderful dad. . My sister is a functioning alcoholic she has 4 children which causes me a lot of worry. I'm not surprised you feel different to other people but I hope you take comfort In The fact that this is not necessarily a bad thing. You are probably more understanding and empathetic due to what you've been through. I hope you find some support which enables you to live a life a bit more free from the negative affects of the past

[hiddenbottles]

My DF is currently in hospital, very ill with alcoholic liver disease. Been an alcoholic since I can remember.

We have had to speak to DM as she seemed to be developing a problem recently. Probably always has to some extent but not at the level of my dad.
During lockdown they had let things go so bad, they were basically living in squalor.

I go between feeling guilty, angry and sad

[orangeloo]

@hiddenbottles I'm sorry to hear that. Please don't ever feel guilty it is not your fault. No matter how much you invest in trying to help someone they have to want to help themselves x

[Moogletea]

My mother has been an alcoholic since I was 14. She continues to drink to this day but less so now as she has developed dementia which I am convinced is related to her drinking. I find her incredibly difficult to be around - we no longer have a mother daughter relationship but as my father has stuck with her all these years I come into contact with her often. I really feel that my real mum (the one I loved and have great memories off in my early childhood) has died and there is a shell that's still shuffling around. Even if she stopped drinking now I wouldn't regain her.

I feel guilt that I no longer love her and a fear that when she dies I will feel guilty but overall she no longer has impact on my life. Took a long way to get there but I now cannot feel any responsibility for her and her actions. The only thing that worries me is my dad and I try to support as much as possible

[TheMostHappy]

I'm sorry to hear about your difficult upbringing OP, and for all of us who have grown up with alcoholic parents. My father was alcoholic and died from complications of cancer when I was 19 (I'm now 37). When he died he was suffering from alcoholic wernicke-korsakoff syndrome and alcoholic dementia which was very difficult to manage. My parents divorced when I was quite young. I think the hardest thing about having an alcoholic parent was not knowing what you would be going home to, whether he would be happy drunk, depressed or angry. Also after my parents divorce I spent a lot of time on my own while my father slept upstairs. I also felt a lot of responsibility for him and worried a lot. I suppose I grew up younger than I would have done otherwise.

[Fortheloveofscience]

I'm sorry to hear you lost both your parents so young, OP. That must be very hard.

My dad's an alcoholic, has been as long as I can remember. Ironically he's now in his 70's and physically completely healthy (according to blood tests, blood pressure, cholesterol etc) despite drinking til he passes out every night.

I'm currently in therapy to try and deal with the PTSD caused by the physical and emotional abuse I suffered growing up with him. I'd previously believed I'd suffered no long-lasting damage, but MH issues flared up after I had my first DC. It's a really hard thing to come to terms with.