Alcoholic ex with borderline personality disorder

[hiiiiiuu]

I really need some help and advice about my ex partner, he has been struggling with alcoholism for the past two years (at least) for one year I was blind to it but the relationship suffered many problems as a result of the alcoholism during this year and when it came out I left him. This year has been a nightmare, with multiple deaths in the family, my sisters alcoholism to boot and his on top whilst trying to shield two grieving children (nephew and my son) from the awful situation. My job is suffering and I’m missing a lot of my degree as a result of the mess that is my life atm. I cut contact from them all and focused on my children and myself recently and have never felt happier, until the suicide threats from the ex came anyways it’s all very long and complicated. I have been researching borderline personality disorder and I could have been reading my ex’s diary, without sounding like an armchair diagnosis I am convinced he definitely has this. I now feel sad that his many many attempts at sobriety have been unsuccessful because he uses it to self medicate and stop the thoughts and hallucinations/paranoia from the bpd. He is at the doctors tomorrow, where he has been failed by alcohol and MH services numerous times how can I ensure he gets the help he needs? Does he have any rights? This is a last chance of my offers to help him because he has dragged me down so many times but instead of anger and resentment I can only feel empathy as one of my family members that recently passed went through the exact same thing being failed by the MH services and had the same condition and substance use issues on top. He was found hanged so as you can imagine it is a very raw issue for me. Thank you.

Hopeful bump

Are you able to accompany him to the GP so he doesn't minimise or miss out any important history that might improve his chances of getting help?

Thank you for your response, and yes I definitely plan on doing that, and I also need to check that he has been the amount of times he said he has and apparently been fobbed off. He has been such a manipulative liar in the past due to the MH and alcoholism, if he wants my help I need to know for sure what has been going on. He did go with his dad last week and said he was suicidal and told them his plans and the doctor gave him a leaflet that was not very helpful .

I think you are in an impossible position here OP - although your compassion is hugely commendable. Both MH issues and alcoholism tend to encourage selfish and self-absorbed behaviour, and an unwillingness to take any responsibility for ones own actions. I'm sure you know this. Please do try to safeguard yourself. Maybe get support for you from a friend or family member so that if you are starting to get sucked in or taken advantage of they can give you the courage to pull back. Good luck.

Oldstyle I totally agree. The whole situation seems hopeless, since I pulled away from the constant support I was offering both him and my sister a huge burden had been lifted, my stress and anxiety quite literally disappeared and now I feel like I am just dragging myself back in. The threats of suicide are crippling as I see the grief the children have been through already, the pain in my sons heart is enough without losing his father too. I do feel like this is the last chance, I will never get back into a relationship with him I have made that very clear but If he did commit suicide I would hate myself for not trying the MH route as I have always focused on helping him via alcohol recovery. I do think they coexist side by side.

My brother is a very serious alcholic plus severe MH illness. I gave support where I could [never money or booze!] He has still drunk himself into very early dementia.

I wish I could say going with your ex' could improve things BUT unless he wants to engage with services and work with them there is nothing anyone can do to help anyone with a duel-diaognosis.

In the end I decided I had to keep my kids safe from a person who needs to drink before they can even get out of bed. If he contacts me with treats of suicde i call and let his CMHT know and leave them to do the well-being check. It sounds heartless but my life has been so much nicer since I drew the line and refussed to be a part of his endless drama's.