Disgusted with myself!

[HedgeHogFoxBadger]

I am a single parent and find evenings difficult with 3 children. I’m drinking a bottle of wine every night. I am fit and go to the gym 5 days a week and try and eat healthy, why am I doing this to myself! How can I stop

I feel the same at the moment. But we shouldn’t feel disgusted with ourselves. It’s an addiction.

I have made this promise to myself so many times in the past, but I am now making a 6 month abstinence my goal. Want to join me?

Seek support. Not just here, but in RL. Is there any way you would be able to attend a support meeting, such as AA? There are meetings being held at all times of the day/evening, try to find one that fits your schedule. If you work, there are often meetings being held to fit in with lunch times. If you are able to go to the gym, perhaps substitute an AA meeting for one of your workout sessions. You'll find a meeting does you just as much good for staying healthy as a workout.

Alcohol is an addiction. And an addiction is very hard to break without RL support. Good luck.

Have u tried sober grip app it's really good x

Sober grid?

Can you not gradually cut down? I can remember a phase of drinking a bottle of wine each night (actually knew a lot of people who did at that time), but I just cut down and then cut out, it didn't bother me. I have the odd glass here and there now.

What is it about the evenings that makes it so tough for you? Don't forget if you're spending £35+ per week on alcohol you can afford to throw some money at the problem.

I read a book by Craig Beck called Alcohol Lied to Me. It completely changed my relationship with alcohol and I don't drink at all now! I'm also a member of several online support groups (Facebook) one of which is named The Unexpected joy of being sober. You certainly aren't alone in drinking that amount. I drank that amount too and I never thought I could stop. I tried cutting down but it didn't work for me. Once I've had that first glass I'm not stopping until I run out!
It was quite difficult for the first week but it just got easier from there. Good luck.

Hey hun sorry it's an app on iPhone called sober grid it's a support group for people who struggle who want to be sober or to cut down daily support etc it's excellent please download it xx

Great thank you.
This is day 1 today, wish me luck x

Don't buy it. My husband is an alcoholic. It's so damaging to our children. He's fine if we don't have it in the house but drinks the whole bottle once it's open.

I always think make smaller goals

So don’t say I’m never going to drink again. (I’ve never drink alcohol. So I’m not the est person)

But just say. For the next hour. I’m not going to drink. Then again. See how far you can go. Make the goals smaller. So you could say. If I don’t drink tonight. I can drink tomorrow. Etc.

Ps good luck. Realising you have a problem is half the problem.

Come on over to the dry January thread.

Lots of support on there.

Some people are going to the 300 day challenge on the Try Dry app, if you would like to join us.

There are some good suggestions of books, films and podcasts on there too.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3796884-Dry-January-2020-thread-2-keeping-it-dry

@memberofseven is it the drinking that’s damaging or his behaviour with it? My DH will drink a bottle but it doesn’t affect his behaviour so I’m unsure how damaging it is iyswim?

Puds11 it's not always only a bottle. His behaviour is largely ok but I prefer him not drinking. There's always a slight edge, he's quick to be snappy when he's drinking. Short with the kids because he wants to get back to his wine. I pull him up on it now every time so it's the elephant in the room. If we go to a party he's always had slightly more than everyone else, or needs to be the last to leave. He's grouchy the next day because he's overtired. Our recycling is generally full of bottles. I'm pregnant so it's not me! I find it deeply unattractive. He doesn't think a bottle is much - in reality it's loads. It took a long while for me to open my eyes to it - I used to think it was normal and everyone did it and that it wasn't much (and I was drinking way too much too as he was constantly pouring me a glass). But once you realise, there's no going back.

Thanks @memberofseven it’s been pregnancy and breast feeding that’s really highlighted to me how dependent he is on drink. I asked him not to drink from about 38 weeks pregnant as I was worried about labour and he couldn’t manage it
He’s never snappy when drinking, generally I’d struggle to tell if he’d had a drink but I wonder if the continuous presence of alcohol is an issue. I also worry he’ll die

Puds11 do you have older children? My husbands poor behaviour really ramped up as the children got less compliant. We also had some really stressful events and lead a pretty pressurised lifestyle generally. I get why he needs an outlet but would prefer it if he took up running or something. He's not awful by any means but sometimes I actively dislike him now. Mine will congratulate himself if he only drinks a bottle as though that is something to be proud of.

Mine also has a very high tolerance to the stuff now too.

Sorry op I feel I have hijacked your thread. My husband will occasionally admit he has a problem but most of the time is in denial. I think that is the crux of the issue. The fact you have identified the issue means you can tackle it. I lost a lot of weight last year. I had needed to do it for a long time but I didn't manage it until I made it a priority I.e I really wanted to change things. The fact you are posting here means you have identified this as something you want to change. Good luck to you.

Hi op (sorry won't let me tag you for some reason)

I am in the same situation as you but single parent to 2 not 3. I'm really really impressed you manage to go to the gym 5 times a week if you drink a bottle a night. I find a bottle a night has robbed me of all motivation to exercise. I know that wasn't the point of your post. I have been in the same spiral as you for about 3 years and am always wanting to stop.

I did stop last year for a while and the start of that was reading (as others have said) The unexpected joy of being sober' . The author is so relatable and it's written in such a way that just works. I don't know why.

I look back now and realise my mistake was just reading that one book and not carrying on with anything else. So I slipped back into it. I now have a list in my head of others that people on here have said worked fir them (plus currently re reading the unexpected joy of.. again- started yesterday morning )

This may not seem like a huge achievement but yesterday was day 1.. significant as apart from my break last year, I cannot remember the last time I didn't drink on a Saturday night. I have woken up today feeling so pleased and now want to carry on.

It also seems like I have enough motivators in my life coming together at once to do this ie:

I have put on 2 stone the last few years and have booked a sun holiday in April which will involve a swimming costume. Yikes.

I need to save some money

My teenage daughter is having mental health issues and I need to keep my head straight.

The underlying feeling that I have always had ie I want to prolong my life and see my kids grown up, not shorten it.

Today is day 2 . I saw your post and just wanted to see how you were doing .

Hi lemons
Thank you so much for that. I have been reading an Annie grace book. I have decided I’m not drinking so today is day 1. Fed up with feeling tired at work. Want to get fit and lose weight. Well done on day 2. What did u go last night that helped? X

@Northernsoullover I second that book. It's incredible!!!!!!