Can I help my husband?

[SussexPup]

My husband is an alcoholic, he knows and admits it, and we have battled through withdrawal now more times than I can count now.... he was a clinical psychologist so has all the answers. He’s only drinking one or two ciders a night at the moment, more than I would like, but it makes life bearable, and we have had a good couple of weeks.

I got home this evening to find him weeping due to something happening to a Facebook friend, and said he wanted to get pissed, and could I go and buy another two ciders. I really didn't want to, so tried to suggest that we tried something else (to sit down together cuddle each other and the dog, and watch some telly) He just snapped at that point and shouted, which meant I shouted and so on In the end I went to get the cider, as he would otherwise have taken the car, and he would be over the limit.

I’m so torn, I know I shouldn’t have shouted, or gone to get the alcohol but what the f**k do I do? I guess it is time for Al-anon for me, but the future just scares me. For those of you on either side of the argument is there anything I can do?

I'd leave. My husband did in fact stop drinking due to his issues with it...and he just stopped. Point blank never drank again...that was 5 years ago.

Your husband hasn't stopped.

I've seen first hand the destruction. I advise you to leave him. You'll be changing his underwear for him in a few years otherwise.

My dad is an alcoholic and has been for over 30 years. My mum has threatened to leave him many times but she won’t. Not ever. I know this to be the case now. He is now retired and my mum works 50 hours a week to support him (she's 68). My dad drinking around the clock- we’ve been on holiday with them and I’ve heard him rummaging around for his vodka at 5am. My mum consoles herself at times by saying ‘he’s off the vodka’ and that ‘he’s okay just on red wine- perfectly okay’...she actually says ‘perfectly okay’. He drinks 3-4 bottles of red wine in a 24 hour period plus god knows how much vodka. When I lived at home as a teenager, when he would shake in the morning I would sit there thinking ‘hurry up and have a drink’ because I couldn’t bear to see him shaking. He was admitted to hospital (not alcohol related) and suffered severe DTs...hallucinations etc. Over the years he’s lost a successful business, nearly lost his house, been declared bankrupt, had two drink driving charges but my mum paid £2000 to ‘get him off’ with a hotshot solicitor who specialised in looking for flaws in the way the police file a drink driving charge. Good eh? You can imagine how my dad celebrated in that day. I was disgusted. My brother still doesn’t know to this day as I was asked to not tell him. Anyway, through all this, my mum has stayed by his side. They have no friends. Family rarely bother with them. My mum says she feels excluded and that people judge her because of my dads drinking. She’s right, unfortunately.
What I’ve described is the grim reality of alcoholism. My mum is an enabler in some ways as she buys the drink for them both. Red wine, not the vodka. He hides that in his wardrobe. Without my mum, he would probably be living on the streets. She always exclaims that she won’t be his carer but she’s been in that role for many years.
You can’t get your husband off alcohol. If he truly is an alcoholic, I find it hard to believe he’s only on a couple of ciders at night. My mum is often delusional about the quantity she drinks although I’m sure when she’s washing his urine-soaked bed sheets in the morning, she wonders exactly how much he drank the night before.

For better or for worse I guess.

The only person that can help him is himself. I was married to an alcoholic many moons ago & tried everything to help him. I divorced him after 10 years together and it was the best thing I ever did. I remarried 5 years later and have had a very, happy life. Look after yourself. 💐

Unsurprisingly, I’ve had my own issues with alcohol. Nowhere near to the extent of my dad but I knew drinking over a bottle of wine every night wasn’t good. When I started taking secret swigs, I knew it was time to stop. I’m 73 days alcohol free. It’s only early days in reality but I’m determined not to end up like my dad.

@Biggeorge1985

Sobering tale. What's amazing is your dad is still living

@MarieG10...yes, tell me about it. Smokes like a trooper too.