Confession of Sober Amy

[SoberAmy]

Dear all,
First of all I wanted say HI! as I'm new to the forum.
I'd like to share something ... just need to let the story out!
Maybe someone could relate. Feel free to add your views :-)
So I have given up drinking ... again. I've been totally sober for two days now. Success huh? ;) I'm not yet smiling as I have been in this position so many times before - had given up, stayed sober for a week and then ...well, I guess you know what I mean.
But don't get me wrong. I'm a 34 year old mother and wife with loving family and a good job. I've always loved my wine and beer, like in high school all those parties and all, then weddings etc. But back then I was able to control it, I'd have fun followed by massive hangover but that was it.
I guess my problem started when I was going through huge marriage crisis. I won't go into much detail as it would take forever to write it all but I had always had a problem with irrational jealousy, more clinical than funny, if you know what I mean. My husband couldn't cope with it anymore (I don't blame him!!) and we almost divorced. And so I started my therapy with psychologist and all that. And for a very long time I didn't notice that I was sooooo engaged in fixing the jealousy problem and saving my marriage that I started drinking too much. I mean quantity and frequency. All in hiding of course, at the beginning at least. Now I feel I got one thing sorted and have fallen into something else - alcohol. But who doesn't like a glass of wine to unwind? Right?
Well, I'd have a glass, then another .... and suddenly I could see the bottom of the bottle.
I have given up again. I have finally said it out loud: I cannot control my drinking!
I don't want any more hangovers, any hurtful words being said to others - I'm very shy and my wine gives (was giving!) me the courage to express feelings.
And so I'm on a day two today, I know hard moments are yet to come. They will come soon - weekend! But I have to resist this time and not reward myself with wine for being good all week.
Thanks for reading

[Newsoberme]

Hi Amy I’m new to this too! It was really good to read your post I’m exactly the same! Over the years my drinking has took over my life I know I need to stop and I can’t trust myself to just have one!