Teen parties

[Baker10]

Hi, My daughters friends are having parties and their parents have allowed alcohol. My daughter would like a party for her 16th however she has said if we don't allow alcohol then people won't bother coming.

I've looked online and it says teens can drink at home or on other private premises but doesn't say anything about parental permission?

Have any of you been in this situation? Did you get parental consent? Did you say that they bring the alcohol that their parents provide and then only provide soft drinks?

She wants 40+ people 🙄

Any advice would be much appreciated

My ds is 16 and I let his friends come to ours with alcohol. He has 5/6 close friends. Tbh I kind of know the parents, and as It’s reasonably difficult to buy alcohol I believe the parents have bought it for their dc and are ok. It’s better drinking with an adult nearby anyway. Alcohol is limited.
Tbh monitoring 40 teenagers is going to be tough... someone (or5) will sneak vodka in/drink it before and be wasted and be sick etc. Up to you but personally my idea of hell

My friend had a session from the police at her son's school at which she was told if she hosted a party with alcohol she would have to have permission from the kids parents for them to drink. She would also have responsibilities for keeping them safe etc.

My DD’s best friend recently had a big party in her (massive) garden for her 16th and her parents allowed drink. Don’t do it. People arrived already drunk and a few people had to go to hospital they were so drunk. People brought eggs and egged the house and when her mum came out to see what was going on they egged her!! Random people turned up and stole food, things were thrown around and destroyed. They went in their garage and got stuff out. The girl who’s party it was was devastated. Don’t do it OP. You might think that her and her friends are sensible but that’s what everyone thought about this party and the people invited too. It was horrific.

Tell her she can have drink if she has only her close friends or everyone and no drink. I wouldn’t even risk it.

I think 40 kids and alcohol is the issue!

By all means limit it 8 friends but any more and you’re asking for trouble, they all bring a plus one and it gets out of hand

Bonkers- I work with young people. You will be demented. Drunk teenagers are a nightmare- even if they don’t fight they often have sex and the risks involved just aren’t worth it.

40+ is potentially disaster waiting to happen. Are you planning on hosting it in your house?

Might be ok if it was in a private function room but your own home- no way.

You are absolutely responsible for their safety. So it would be wise to stick around and be available and drop in on them every now and then. If you are super tall, you might actually see over the dense mass of very tall youngsters, even my DH struggles and he’s very tall.
It’s more important that only people who are invited are allowed on the premises so you could consider a stern doorkeeper with a list.
You have to be categorical that if anyone is caught with drugs they are out, and you mean it, anything from those silver canisters, joints through stronger stuff. This should be very clear.
Be prepared to accept some will be smoking so tell them where they can smoke or insist they don’t smoke in your garden at all and they have to go in the street.
The reality is that they will bring their own alcohol, you just have to hope they can handle it, are responsible, look out for each other and clean up after themselves.
You can’t be seen to encourage drinking so you shouldn’t be providing drinks. But you can provide plastic cups and soft drinks. Tell them you don’t want to see any alcohol but accept that they will be drinking. Trust me, if they want to drink, they are more than capable of sorting themselves out.
Don’t let anyone come upstairs. The floors will be disgusting and sticky after the party.
My DD has had such a party at 15 and 17. Lots of people, looooads of empty bottles afterwards, I mean lots and lots. Nothing was damaged in the house or garden, a very good bunch of kids but they all knew each other well which probably helps, loud but very polite and most attempted to clean up afterwards and most of the rubbish was actually picked up, there were no accidents that I’m aware of and no complaints from neighbours. Was I worried? Very much, but I trusted the kids to come and ask for help if something bad happened or if someone was too drunk for them to deal with, actually I noticed they all look out for each other. I also trust DD to be sensible and in control and responsible that nothing would get damaged.
If she said 40, you may well end up with 55.
I was surprised to see certain kids drinking or smoking but was even more surprised at how naive other parents were so I don’t see how you could get permission from all of them.
Good luck!

As mentioned above other potential downfalls, you lock garages, any small rooms downstairs, any garden sheds, trampoline and the garden gate so you don’t get people wondering in and out. We were lucky to have one big open space they could use and the garden so essentially there wasn’t anywhere to hide as such, also no room for manoeuvre on the street or nearby as it’s overlooked. And we had no cars on the road to prevent any damages and people were not allowed anywhere near our cars.

Yes she wants to have it at our house but I said with that many people you need a hall and I cant find a hall that will acomedate a 16th party, hmmm I wonder why!

It's safer not to do it at all, it's just a bit annoying that everyone else seems to have house parties and now she really wants one 🙄 and she's already told 50 that they can come , I said no way are you having 50, her response was well I'll cancel it then because I can't tell half that they can't come coz they will probably turn up anyway.

She didn't wait for us to say how many people she could have so a bit annoyed because she's usually good and listens

When is it? Could you rent a field and a tent?

No chance would I be facilitating under age consumption of alcohol in my home.

Honestly not worth it. As mentioned I work with young people and you would be surprised just how often something serious happens- lots of alleged sexual assaults and drug use.

Is there a local venue that hosts under 18s discos/club nights? They'll be used to the kids getting half cut. What's the layout of your house like? If you can section off the garden/kitchen/downstairs toilet and put a gazebo up for a boozy bbq (kick them all out at 12). I'd probably just be about able to cope with it. If there's food involved u can hang about preparing that without looking like 'oh my parents are here too 🙄'. Also filling their stomach's to off set them getting completely wasted.

Have you spoken to any of the other parents who've already hosted parties to see what they did? - Failing that I'd just book a table at a 'cool' restaurant for her and 5 friends, hire a party limo to transport them, and turn a blind eye to a few pre/post drinks in her room (although some 16yr olds might have the horrors at the suggestion and rather head to the park with cider 🙄).

Quite common for peers of DC to have parties with alcohol at 15 upwards, so.e younger than that. DD has occasionally been taking a can or 2 of cider to a party since the end of y11, but her 17th was a PG party - pop and pizza, no alcohol allowed - and none sneaked in. I am happy to low a can of cider each for her and best mate, where I know the patents are ok with it, but refused to allow alcohol for minors whose parents I do not know. We will provide some alcohol for her 18th, but the majority of her friends will be 18 by then. Will be a max of 20 friends, or may actually be 2 parties to cover 2 sets of friends, and we will be present to keep an eye!

There's a hall close by that I can hire for the evening, I'm considering it! The layout of our house isn't to bad, we have a downstairs toilet, lounge, dining room, no one will be allowed upstairs- we will be there then we were going to put a gazebo up in the garden, have a photo booth section with props, disco lights with a smoke machine (need to look into that though as never used one) offer non alcoholic drinks e.g cider 0.5% , make mocktails and do food, pizza, hot dogs etc

I've said no to alcohol but my daughter said she will just cancel the whole thing coz people won't want to come

You are very accommodating helping to organise everything and your arrangements sound very sensible to me.
The reality is they will bring alcohol even if you forbid it and your DD should already know this. It’s a shame she’s making it so hard for you. But I strongly suspect there is some peer pressure involved whereby there have been some discussions that she should have a party, she thought it’s a great idea but it’s difficult for her to back out or set the rules.
If this does go ahead at home but especially at a venue, make sure you organise ‘security’ of some sort, older siblings or relatives of a stern appearance who understand how important safety is. Especially if you don’t know all the children. I’d expect a venue to have strict rules about alcohol. Where we are, it’s impossible to hire anywhere for 14-18 year old parties, there’s some sort of unspoken blanket ban. Unless you or your business own the venue/farm nobody wants to touch them.

So here's the outcome ...... we had it at a pub that has a hall and marquee and I'm so glad that I didn't have the party at my house! the helium balloons were trashed along with other things, the pubs Bluetooth speaker was taken Which I replaced, had to split up 2 girls arguing about to have a fight, table leg broken, the list is endless. Thankyou all for your advice!

You're stark raving mad to even consider hosting 40+ (more will definitely turn up uninvited) drunk teenagers.

My bad, didn't read properly, it's late! Glad you didn't have it in your home.