Someone drinking themselves to sleep..

[pfrench]

.. every night on the sofa. Bottle of wine (or more than one bottle sometimes), neat gin or vodka after that. Gets through the wine plus a litre of spirits every 3 days (on average).

Lots of incidences of not coming to bed until 5am because passed out on the sofa, one incidence of pissing themselves on the sofa (not noticing until I woke them up, then denying it).

I've said once, 10 weeks ago, that I'm really worried about the level of drinking - used safety of driving children to school next day, irritability caused by constant hangovers and how that was affecting family life and relationship with children. Person agreed was drinking too much, but then I was blamed, illness was blamed (some truth that there are low level issues with both, but neither are helped by booze). It stopped for a couple of weeks, now it's back to more of the same. Been going on seriously for about 8 months.

What do I do now?

My ex would drink so much that she'd pass out. Then piss herself. Rinse & repeat for anything up to 7 days. Dry for 3 days tops then the cycle would start again. You have my absolute sympathy.

No practical advice as such, maybe call AA but the person in question needs to be able to admit that they have a problem / want to change

If there are kids involved, I'd report to SS without a shadow of a doubt. NO child deserves to see that behaviour from an alcoholic parent, let alone having one driving them to school or neglecting basic things like meals etc

Thanks, I think that was the answer to my real question, which is 'do I intervene again, or just wait for them to realise?'

So, without me saying anything, said person announced that they are stopping drinking 'at the end of the month'. I pushed gently for an actual date, and got told 'end of the month'. There are health reasons unrelated to alcohol for this person to stop drinking, and that's the reason they've given. This is good I suppose, but I'll believe it when I see it.
Meanwhile was drunk and fast asleep on the sofa last night by 8pm, and is out with friends tonight 'don't know exactly what time I'll be back'. Then tomorrow is Friday, so no doubt there will be the weekend 'reason'.

Next week we're away with friends. One of the couple has similar issues to my partner (he has previously criticised their drinking, even though it's almost exactly the same as his), it'll be interesting to see how it goes.

Sorry, don't want to read and run but it's a slippery slope. My mum started like this and eventually passed away at Christmas there from alcoholism at a young age.

Intervene now, support their efforts to quit. You can't make them quit but you can do everything in your power to help them if, and only if, they want to.

Speak to Al Anon - fantastic support group for families of alcoholics.

Thanks, yes in terms of support. I asked if there was something I could do in solidarity. I'll stop drinking my one G&T a fortnight (or whatever tiny amount it is), or drink it when he's not around, but I'm wondering about just getting rid of all booze in the house. He'll literally drink anything - you know those horrible boozes that people bring back from holiday for a joke? He's got through all of those just on nights when there wasn't anything nicer.

I've already got nice booze I've been given as presents hidden away, he even knows that I've hidden them and doesn't see this as a red flag for his own drinking.

@pfrench I do think getting rid of all booze is good in theory but then, speaking from experience, you will just be pushing the drinking "underground". If someone wants a drink it's an addiction and they will find it somehow.
We hid drink, limited finances, all went completely booze free (I still am!) and nothing helped. We would go out for family meals and all offer water/cokes yet my mum would still order a wine (and apologise about ordering it yet still drink it).
You can be supportive by not doing the obvious things like drinking in front of them but the key thing is that the effort to stop needs to come 100% from them. They need to understand the root of their behaviour and actually WANT to quit and not just pay lip service to you and say they will etc etc.

You could remove all the booze from the house but in my experience, they'll either just go and buy more or find another way to get some.

The person with an issue needs to want to stop or recognise that they have an issue. I tried for years to make my ex see this and nothing worked. Even GP's tests, advice, tellings off, warnings, etc etc. If they don't or won't make the effort, your efforts will be in vain.

I read something once about a person needing to hit rock bottom (be it drink, drugs, gambling etc) before they deal with their issue. Maybe he hasn't hit his rock bottom yet.

I guess not. If I'd pissed myself on the sofa because I was passed out drunk, I'd have given up drinking. That would have shamed me into it. I'm not sure where rock bottom fits with 'functioning' alcoholics really.

Can he go to his go, there are treatments, I.e. tablets that make you sick if you drink, these can be used for a few months to kick start sobriety

Gp