Should WE quit?

[MrsGrammaticus]

DD18 is an alcoholic....she acknowledges she has a problem, is seeking help reducing but doesn't want to face the reality of total sobriety. DH and I are light drinkers - weekends only (Fri & Sat) x 2 glasses of wine each - that's it. Since DD's woes emerged, we've chucked all our booze down the sink and purged the house. We haven't touched a drop now for 5 weeks, and tbh I haven't missed the bloody stuff. So, as a show of solidarity with DD, I suggested to DH that he and I quit drink for good - 100%. Easy or at least I thought.....lead by positive example and all that?! but DH says 'no' and 'what's the Point if I can't keep a promise'. AIBU to feel really disappointed by him in his attitude? We've been to hell and back since April. I nearly moved out at one point as we've younger DC to protect.....the game of cat & mouse with DD18 was and still kills me. And now he says he can't quit his little 'drink' to basically show his DD how easy it is. AIBU folks???

Yabu and deflecting from the real issue. Your DD is an alcoholic. She needs proper support and a desire to quit herself.

A token gesture from her parents doesn’t cut it.

And now he says he can't quit his little 'drink' to basically show his DD how easy it is.

If she's genuinely an alcoholic, it's pretty ridiculous to think you both giving up your light drinking is in any way comparable. Or will bear any resemblance to her trying to quit.

Actually I'm not suggesting at all that's it's any kind of solution.....those are well in hand now. I'm just suggesting that it might be helpful. The whole danger of alcohol v other substance abuse its prevalence in everyday life and its addictiveness. Hear me out. If a whole family smoked weed and one family member because seriously addicted, wouldn't it sound crazy for everyone else under the same roof to continue in front of the addict or to demonstrably show that it was 'too hard' for them to quit whilst expecting the addict to commit to lifelong abstinence?

From another angle, alcohol we know to be life threatening for many reasons. If my kid was ill and needed a kidney and I was able to give a compatible donation, then I'd do it. If after having given that donation I was told "sorry but you won't ever be able to consume alcohol again", then I shrug but I'd still give the kidney. So, why not just quit drink to support my kid?

In sorry but your argument doesn’t stack up. Your daughter has to learn to live in a world with alcohol.

It is possible for a drug addict to remove drugs from every day life when they get clean. And this is in fact desirable.

Alcohol is trickier. If you want to remain in mainstream society whilst in recovery you have to find a way to be around alcohol without partaking. If you had another daughter who was obese would you ban cake from the house at all times?