Please help.

[normalgirl]

I don’t know what to do.Married for 15 years with two children.Husband has always had a tendency to overindulge in booze but only occasionally.Over the last 5 years,his boozing has increased exponentially .He doesn’t drink during the day ,but I have found bottles of vodka,gin in his car and when he goes out on work trips etc ,I know he drinks to excess.
Every time I have found alcohol hidden ,I have created a huge ruckus and temporarily things calm down.He promised me he wasn’t drinking on the sly last week but I found a bottle of gin in the car.When confronted ,he wove some implausible bull shit tale.
I am so angry about being lied to constantly.
I have told my family,some friends about his problem and booked a session with a counsellor.
He is in denial and does not admit to having a problem.
I have told him I want a separation and he has agreed.
It is so fucking hurtful that he would choose not to confront his problems and resolve them than wanting to separate.
I feel so alone and worried I may not be doing the right thing for my children who adore their father,but status quo cannot continue.
He is not abusive in anyway,but he has lied to me and deceived me repeatedly about his boozing.
What am I supposed to do?

Yes,I have stopped looking for bottles.It has been strangely very liberating.I am meeting with an alcohol support counsellor today.
It is such a shame that something that causes so much harm is available so freely.In cinemas,in petrol stations and even in the cafe in our local zoo.
I do enjoy a nice glass of wine or a gin and tonic ,but my husband’s behaviour has taken pleasure away as well.

but my husband’s behaviour has taken pleasure away as well.

I hear you! Having a drink is no longer the innocent pleasure it used to be! I very rarely drink at home these days. I'll have a glass of wine or a cocktail when out that's about it.

I am meeting with an alcohol support counsellor today.

Go you!

It is such a shame that something that causes so much harm is available so freely

I agree. I'd happily vote for prohibition. It's funny, weed is legal where I live and I have no problem with it, I even occasionally partake. But I'd gladly see alcohol made illegal.

I agree, It's an awful disease, not only did I marry an alcoholic (no sense!) but there's at least 3 members of my family on my mum's side who had problems with alcohol- my aunt has a kind of dementia that is related to alcoholism, my grandad and a cousin, also her brother stopped drinking altogether because of what drink did to him

I didn't drink for a year after my DH died and everywhere I looked I saw potential alcoholics. The first time my new partner went out for drinks with work colleagues I got myself worked up into a right state as I thought he'd come home drunk- he didn't
I'm still quite wary of alcohol but I enjoy a drink and I like the ambiance of pubs

Hi Normalgirl

I went through a similar thing recently so thought id write. Most of the stories here resonate with me, people have such similar experiences. Now my partner has gone, i can say that it is hard being alone with children but so much better than the lies or, in my case, treading on eggshells as you dont know what mood that person might be in. I wake up feeling a sense of hope for the day now rather than fearful of his temper or lies about drinking.

I think in your case, the fact that he is ok with the separation is really good because it could be so much worse if he didnt want to go. Find out about financials and benefits etc that you are due. Try and keep it amicable.

It's very sad but remember it's a mental illness, and you really cant save that person, they need to want to change. I also feel really sad for my ex, because he has messed our lives up with his problem. He works in a very client based place and drinking is a huge thing, plus a big part of who he is. What his colleagues dont know is that he cant help himself at home either. It all became a blur in my case and he took his anger and frustration on me. I had to get him to go because i didnt want the children growing up seeing how he shouted/treated me.

No one can tell you what is right or wrong, do what you feel comfortable doing.

The alcohol counsellor asked me how I react everytime I discovered a hidden bottle.I said I was angry.Snd she asked me if my strategy had worked.I said no.She then tells me to approach it differently and to have a heart to heart talk as to why he feels he needs to drink like this.
My husband said today he would like to drink 2 glasses of wine everyday and a bit more over the weekend and he only had to hide the bottles because he knows I get upset with him drinking everyday.
That would still add up to 50-60 units which is 5 times over the recommended limits.
My question is why does one need to drink everyday?

One doesn't. Addicts do.

He will tell you he is drinking 2 glasses a day, but he will drink more that you don't know about.

In reality he won't know why he needs to drink, he will tell you he wants to stop and he will mean it. But if he's an addict he won't be able to without help.