Bloody facebook!

[chegirlmonkeybutt]

Had a friend request from DS's birth mother.
(family adoption).

Thats it really. Dont wish to rant and divulge but its really not a good thing.

Here we go again....

Thanks for the tips

Hassled you are lovely but I can assure you I am not a marvel at all

I remember doing a search for a MNs friend and she didnt come up on the search, I wondered why that was. So there must be a way of hiding yourself.

Trouble is I have family members on my friends list that are also on hers. I have some lovely nieces and nephews and FB is handy for keeping in touch (and an auntie eye on what they are doing!).

So would there be any point in hiding?

What does blocking actually do? Will it stop her from being able to send me messages? She did this a while ago. It didnt end well.

I am of course going to ignore her. It is hard though because I SO want her to be different and ready to engage. Experience has shown that this is just not likely

I suspect a narcessistic (sp) type disorder at least.

I am not equipped to deal with her and she needs to go through SS. I am willing to do this but she isnt.

Ilike I dont have any photos of DS anywhere on internet. I really dont think its a good idea to engage with her via this sort of medium. She is very manipulative (although transparently so). I dont want to get into weird mind games with her. We will never totally close the door to her even after the things she has said and done. But it will have to be handled by a 3rd party until we can trust her.

Thanks for the support everyone.

Fair enough. wasn't suggesting playing games, but rather that if your FB page was neutral, then may be better to accept her 'request' let her look at your photos, think she isn't being rejected, so as not to antagonize the situation. But can see that this would not be beneficial for the rest of the family.

Sounds like an open adoption that may have been better as a closed one? I have friends (adopted in the US) who were happy to have an open adoption, meaning willing for contact with birth mother, letters, phone calls, but the judge ruled in favor of a closed adoption meaning that the birth parent cannot contact the kids.

I know you werent suggesting that 'Ilove'

I get what you are saying about the neutral thing but I am still not sure about any contact at the moment. There are so many unresolved issues on her side.

Its such a shame things have turned out like this. We always knew that she was a difficult person but had hoped we could manage the situation.

She is just too furious at us. She has projected all her hatred, guilt and resentment on to me. I stole her baby. I know this is not uncommon and pretty understandable but its also toxic and dangerous.

She has not contact agreement. I tried to get her to formalise things to protect herself if our relationship broke down. But for her own reasons she refused to do so.

I spent a long time trying to work out what went on in her head but could never get it right.

Contact would definately NOT be in DS's best interests right now.

I think you can also accept people, but then restrict what they specifically can see. So she could think she has full access, and never realise you have photos etc she can't see. Might be worth looking into - good luck!

You could accept her but then go into privacy settings and custom them banning her from photos, status updates etc. Then at least you are totally in control of what she sees.

You can also change your name to a nickname, say, so she can't find you in a search.

If it were me I wouldn't accept her as a friend, tbh, even if I then set my privacy settings to exclude her access to photos etc (she could still see certain things on your profile page, wall posts (what you're up to, who you're in contact with, who you might be visiting next weekend - you know - your other friends/family etc,- who might also have pics of your son in their albums - I'm pretty certain that's right) - I think that'd just 'encourage' her IYSWIM.

Not sure if she can search for photos in which your son is 'tagged' - perhaps he should change to a nickname. What a dire situation - I do feel for you.

I'd be looking out for her trying to 'befriend' your son on FB, too - sorry, none of my business, of course.

I'm pretty sure, if not positive, that a person will be unaware you've blocked them on FB. It says that somewhere in the help section.