We are very near the end of the process of adopting a 9 month old who experienced ongoing cocaine, cannabis, methadone and diazepam use in pregnancy. Fostered from hospital discharge at 9 days. We stated that we would not be looking for a child with known disabilities due to our existing daughter. This is why we didn’t look at newborns so their development was a little more obvious. We have always accepted that the future of any child and particularly adopted children is uncertain. However all the notes reported the child (trying not to divulge sex for confidentiality) is ‘thriving and meeting all their milestones’. We met for the first time this week and this is clearly not the case which came as a big shock. They are only just sitting and can manage a few minutes max. Can roll from front to back with difficulty. Has always been described as ‘chilled’ but not worryingly so. Internet says placid baby meeting milestones is fine but that now seems not to be the case. After raising the alarm we find out they had an updated paediatrician assessment at 8 months and gross motor delay was mentioned. No one told us this. We cannot help already being emotionally invested. If it was just them and we were a bit younger we’d be cracking on but we have a biological 5 year old and we are desperate not to negatively impact her life by potentially introducing someone who disproportionately takes her parent’s attention away long term if there are going to be learning disabilities and might not be able to play with her in the way she would expect. We also need to know the potential adopted child should (as far as you can say for anyone) be able to live independently as an adult because we are (fit) older parents. Mind is careering about. Any thoughts or experiences would be gratefully received.