I'm only bl***y human

[Flower3554]

Our foster placement, who has been with us since he was 2 days old and is now 16 months will be moving on to his adoptive family within a few weeks.

Cue the adoption worker discussing how best to plan introductions as new mum lives at the other end of the country to us.

"New family can travel to you have a week or so of intro's while staying in a hotel. Then they travel home and the following day you take lo down to them, leave him there after saying your good byes and you come home by train.

3-4 hours alone on a train. Not gonna happen

Oooh this thread makes me shiver. My Mum used to mind babies before they were adopted. I still remembering her crying when the babies left to go to their permanent families. And she still remembers their birthdays and their 'old' names, 30 yrs later.

Hard job.

forgot to say.. i am most confused as to why he is having significant medical tests a few weeks before introductions. this is very poor practice

BTW please dont tell me why! i am sure it will breach confidentiality!! I am just commenting as I'm fed up with the stupid things they do at the expense of families and children

Me too Kristina

Oi vey.Where do they get the social workers?

Oh, you poor thing that is a tough suggestion - I like KristinaM's they should stay longer and acclimatise him into the car etc, and then take the responsibility of being parents immediately.

I think you're amazing Flower and I salute you!
My very good friends adopted and their little girls, and they were allowed to visit their lovely foster mum for a few months after 'hand-over', just to make everything less strange.

good luck and we'll be thinking of you {{{{hugs}}}}

There has to be a way round this, what about adoptive parents travelling during the evening which would be lo bedtime so he would sleep for the journey, or could you meet them part way.

I'm sure there is a way round the situation, it's whether ss are prepared to be flexible.

On past dealings in situations like this, I have my doubts

About 10 years ago my daughter, then 16, and I took two little boys by plane to the other end of the country, we had tea with their new family and helped to settle the babies for bed. They were almost 2 and almost 1 years old.

My DD and I then shared a room in a hotel and went back the next morning to check all was well and say our goodbyes.
The little ones became extremely distressed when we had to leave and I felt like I was abandoning them.

Thanks to the organizing skills of ss my daughter and I had to walk around Gatwick airport for 7 hours before our flight home.

I cannot be put in a similar position again, I just can't

Flower I picked up DS from the orphanage straight onto a 3 hr flight then to an renterd apartment in a run down tower block in a foreign country at the dead of night.

Than a few weeks later flew 8 hrs with him on my own back home.

The new parents will cope and they will look back nostalgically at the journey which if they had only known it at the time was the easiest they ever had it as paretns!

Stick to your guns get them to drive down, if necessary they can stay in a hotel overnight before driving home again.

and now I've read the thread I realise that what Kristina said without the showing off
(Can I also say that the temp was minus 20 at the time - your adoptive parents will have it easy. PAH!)

KC - i think anyone who has read your blog will think you are entitled to a small amount of showing off

has you shiny new enthusiastic SW got her S23 report written yet? Or is she too busy showing off her vast experience of children adopted from Kaz????

don;t know Kris - I'm seeing her on Friday. In her defence my fellow sufferers adoptees said she was brilliant at their directions hearing and really got the guardian ad litem chivvied into doing her job (apparently wanted to put off doing her report for no obvious reason)

On a separate note - my blog is up to 98,000 (and change) page hits at this rate (about 300 a week), it'll hit 100,000 by the end of June.

Whoever would have thought it!

Thanks Kew, sort of puts a 4 hour train journey or car ride into perspective doesn't it

Ps I wish i could tell you all why a 16 month old is being placed so far away, it would make you do a double take of your screen

The way ss think makes me question my sanity sometimes.

I'm afraid that would break confidentiality and I have no idea if his new mum is a mner or not.

flower - just for your amusement I've attached photos of our flat in almaty for a short while. Show there to your adopters and say that all they have to do is a long car drive, it could be worse.

Now I'm desparate to know why the baby is being placed so far away...

wow Kew what a brave lady you must be, it looks rough to say the least.

Our LA puts up adopters in a cottage usually, now thats roughing it big time.

I wish I could tell you because their reasoning (ss that is) is uncomprehensible to me.

i have just written a post suggesting all sorts of silly reasons but i'm scared to post it in case it offends any birth parenst reading . which i woudl not like to do

i dont care if it offends any SW though. if they spent just a moment refecting on their practice they woudln't do half the stupid things they do. a little modesty about the limits of their knowlegde and experience woudln't go amiss either

i am now about to get shot down by the Sw MNer who comes on saying things like

" all my clients find working with me a really positive experinec",

"you obviously know nothing about SWers"

then refuses to say how she knows this

flower - i think you should stop telling teh Sw about why YOU cant do it ( even though i think your views are entirely reasonable) and tell then that IYO the planning of the introductions does not best meet the child's needs. Go on about it not being child centered and being disempowering to teh APs

actually Kristina thats not such a bad suggestion. A friend of mine is soon to travel to Kaz to adopt and asked me if it were possible to have the baby escorted to Almaty (the capital) - it is indeed possible. However in my (obviously very humble) opinion picking your child up and (in our case) springing them from the orphanage was a kind of ceremonial start to your new life together. Going in and getting them dressed in their new clothes (we had to leave everything behind) and saying ggodbye to their carers and being responsible for them from that moment on was a special moment for me - its brings a lump to my throat even thinking about it now.

Flower - I am utterly amazed that you would be asked to do this journey and, once again, I see how little respect many social workers have for foster carers.

We adopted last year, quite locally. It would have been easy for the foster carers to 'deliver' our daughter to us, but we were advised that we should collect her so that she would see them willingly entrusting her to our care and saying goodbye.

The adoptive parents of your foster child should get to know him well enough that they feel comfortable taking him home with them. That journey should be the start of their new life together, with you on the end of a phone line for advice if needed.

Stick to your guns and do not allow SS to bully you.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. But stick to your guns. It is heartbreaking.

My MIL is a foster parent. She had a little boy from 4 days old to 15 months and we were all heartbroken when he went. But she was unconsolable(sp) for a few weeks. You need to be able to say goodbye at home in your surroundings.

I hope SS see sense.

so what happened Flower?

Quick update, lo's blood test came back yesterday and he's absolutely fine, thank goodness. I had told his sw that it was likely a viral infection because he'd been off colour the week of the first test, "oh no" she replied "my friend has this and she's very ill" wtf worry me why don't you.

However it turns out that panel has had to be postponed until the end of June, was due next week, because, guess what, the sw hasn't completed the paperwork.

For the love of god, how hard can it be.

Although it means we get to have him a few more weeks I feel so sorry for the adopter, it must be heartbreaking to be so close then shot down again.

sw's new suggestion is that when intro's do start I send the other lo, aged 6 months, for respite so I can give my full attention to the intro's.

Newsflash lady, some of us can do more than one thing at a time

I really don;t understand a SW suggesting that your other LO is sent to respite for intro's (no idea how long that might be) - hasn;t she thought of how damaging a change in carer could be?

It's worse than that because the 6 month old begins having contact in her family home next week, its always been held at ss offices until now.
So she has to get used to new surroundings, and a different journey 3x weekly, without being farmed out to another carer. She is always unsettled on her return so I'm putting my foot down (with a firm hand) about this as well.