Foster to adopt -any advice or opinions

[LovesFood1987]

Hello,

I have posted previously and read a lot thanks to the advice on this forum (adoption UK webinars/forum, what to expect when you're adopting, How I met my son, Home for Good and a lot online).

We have a birth child who is 4 later this year, seriously thinking about Foster to adopt through our local RAA. We have been unable to have a second child due to a lot of miscarriages, I'm aware we'll need at least 6 months after this before we can apply 😊

I guess I'm just looking for any further tips/advice following on from everyone's excellent advice to read about adoption/therapeutic parenting etc.

We are adjusting our work patterns so we're both part time (equivalent of being 1 of us at home full time hours wise), we have a spare room and are financially secure.

Thanks in advance!

@Pollylong no need to apologise I can’t imagine what you are going through.

I would be concerned with the lack of medical history.
How much 'slack' do you have in your family already?
Is there enough money/time for you to end up being a carer for an adoptive child?

I can see why F2A is highly beneficial for the child and can be great for the adoptive parents and birth parents too - but the downsides seem to be glossed over by SW as thru are very keen to promote it.

I'm a cautious person and I would want as much information as possible about the history of the child's background/health before making the lifelong decision to adopt. The birth parents have access to this information, so do the SW and the courts, and I do think it's very unfair that potential adoptive parents aren't allowed the same information.

@mysweetlemonpie

Thanks for your reply 🙂

We do have a lot of slack at the moment, that's a key reason for us in wanting to do it. Our birth child will be in full time education from September and we both work part time so one of us is always at home. I'd also take a year of adoption leave so the year the baby was placed we'd just have 1 of us working part time (and DH works from home so is around in general).

Our main concerns are the baby going back to birth family and the impact this might have on our BC (and us but at least we'd go in with our eyes open whereas a 4 year old can't be expected to understand bless him).

It's so difficult to know what to do because we're so torn 😞 we really want to but we're scared of the heartbreak that is constantly over you until the adoption goes through.

Hi in regards to your birth child and how they would cope if the foster child leaves, I can only talk from our experience but my girl is doing ok, it’s a big loss for her, and we help her navigate that. I guess I look at the sibling relationship that they had and I considered the “it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all”. I know that the end of the relationship is hard for her, but everything that she gained from the relationship is positive. Does any of that make sense?

Aslo if your birth child did struggle then social services should provide the appropriate professional support, I have seen this happen

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