Photos and letterbox

[BarcelonaFreddie]

Hi,
What are everybody's view on the sharing of photographs?
Birth mother begs me every letterbox to share a photo.
I actually feel like I want to. I have my child 24/7, is it really such a big deal to giver her a few photographs to maybe try and alleviate her pain a tiny bit?
She could use them to trace him - this will probably happen via social media at some point anywhere. What's she going to do?
Drag him off to live with her?
Everybody I've asked has said it's a bad idea and I shouldn't share.
He will romanticize his birth mother - that's my job to mitigate?
What are people's thoughts? Am I being hopelessly naive and stupid?

@Greeneyes78 the risk assessments regarding our child state that birth parents are an ongoing potential risk to her. We were strongly advised to change her name and are not allowed to send photos. Although it is possible that they have come to terms with the reality of losing all access to their daughter until she is an adult at least, we have no way of knowing how true that is. For the sake of everyone involved, including her birth parents, it is vital we keep her safe now until she is old enough to make a decisions about contact with them herself. She also has a right to privacy and sharing too much information breaches that. I know of several adopted children who object to their adoptive parents including anything about them in their letterbox contact letters as they feel their birth parents are nothing to do with them and lost the right to details of their lives through the choices they made that led to the child being adopted in the first place. There is a campaign led by adopted and fostered adults around the issue of forcing children to have ongoing contact of any kind with their abusers. Everyone who has adopted a child is very careful about the language they use when discussing the birth parents which is why phrase like 'poor choices' are used but the reality is for many children that they suffered direct abuse. They were neglected, they were emotionally and physically abused and in some cases sexual abuse occurred.

@Greeneyes78

Adopted children are not 'gifts' and it's not the adopters job to alleviate the birth family's turmoil.
I have a great deal of sympathy for both my son's birth parents. I would never be deliberately unkind to them, but I am grateful to them and I very much doubt they see losing their children as giving a gift to another family.
It's my job to protect my son, not look after their feelings

I can’t help but feel it’s a little heartless not to send a picture. The mother must be in turmoil. She has give you a gift surely a photo wouldn’t hurt especially to alleviate some of the pain she must be going through.

its not about the birth Mother..

its about the safety protection and guidance of a child.

I see all of your points. I was thinking more of women who had no choice due to being young, not being able to cope.

You’re all wonderful people, heroes in fact.

We're not heros.

Adoption in the UK these days is rarely simply because a woman is young and unable to cope. Age alone isn't a factor.

Our situation is exactly like Sanders so i can just copy what she said!

"We send good quality photos twice per year from a non-identifiable or non-local location."

And I agree "The downside to providing photos is we have never let our DC appear in local papers (eg school nativity pictures)."

It's worked OK for us and is in our original agreement for letter box.

Our photos are shown to the birth family but not given to them.

It is not heartless not to send a picture, each family must do what is right for the child.

Hi.

With regard to your 5 year old contact agreement, contact arrangements have to be reviewed regularly, and at least annually. His includes an assessment of the child’s wishes, and they MUST be given independent legal advice.