Help me decode this email

[MashedHead]

DH received an email three days ago but has only just read it tonight. It's to tell us that our adopted child's birth mother has given birth to a new baby (we had no idea of pregnancy) and to phone them back. We have also worked out the the missed calls we had three days ago on both our phones were also from social services.

Now it's the weekend so we will have to wait until sodding Monday to phone them! Obviously we are now absolutely all over the place. We now have to wait and see if it is just an update or whether they might like us to have the new baby.

The email simply says:

"Dear X and X,
I have an update to share with you regarding your daughter's birth mother who has recently given birth. Please can you contact me so we can discuss this further"

My immediate questions are: would social services email us to simply let us know a sibling has been born even if birth mum can keep it? Is it likely the baby has literally only just been born? Or might it be a few months old? Are they likely phoning as part of a conclusion as to whether she or family can keep the child?

I know I know...nobody can tell me and speculating won't help us. Just wondering if anybody who adopted/was told about siblings could shed any light?

Well i would imagine your head is even more mashed now op !
That's tough to handle but 6 months will be gone in a flash so I would also try and stick it in the back of my head and get on with normal life !
Even as I write that I know it is trite and totally unrealistic. I would be consumed with thinking of it much like you will be no doubt.
So my post is no use to you really other than to say thanks for

The update ...sorry posted too soon .

Goodness, that is difficult for you to have to wait so long. Good luck OP.

Very difficult for you.

On my end professionally it can be very difficult when social workers give parents chance after chance, I often feel that they are not seeing the child's needs in the situation or are not putting the child's needs first. Not saying that's what is happening here though.

I will be thinking of you both op, I hope it concludes quickly so you are not left sweating for too long. The question is, is the support permanent support? And if not, how will she cope long term?

Very difficult for you.

On my end professionally it can be very difficult when social workers give parents chance after chance, I often feel that they are not seeing the child's needs in the situation or are not putting the child's needs first. Not saying that's what is happening here though.

I will be thinking of you both op, I hope it concludes quickly so you are not left sweating for too long. The question is, is the support permanent support? And if not, how will she cope long term?

No the support isn't long term. I'm trying to be vague but it is the same support she had after having my daughter...it didn't work. I suspect this will not work either. But it might. From what has been said about biological father I don't think that is a goer either. No mention of assessing extended family. It sounds like another set of very sad circumstances to be honest.

FlapJack- haha, I've spent the evening working out our finances! 6months does at least give us a chance to save up for adoption leave comfortably! But yes how the hell will I cope?!

One thing- if they do decide that BM and BD won't cope, could we apply to foster to adopt the baby? Rather than them wait in foster care for that length of time?

No the support isn't long term. I'm trying to be vague but it is the same support she had after having my daughter...it didn't work. I suspect this will not work either. But it might. From what has been said about biological father I don't think that is a goer either. No mention of assessing extended family. It sounds like another set of very sad circumstances to be honest.

FlapJack- haha, I've spent the evening working out our finances! 6months does at least give us a chance to save up for adoption leave comfortably! But yes how the hell will I cope?!

One thing- if they do decide that BM and BD won't cope, could we apply to foster to adopt the baby? Rather than them wait in foster care for that length of time?

Bumping for you OP.

I do hope this has a happy outcome for the baby.

Thank you! We managed to quiz the social worker again today and apparently foster to adopt is an option...but right now nothing can be done. It's just a waiting game.

On my end professionally it can be very difficult when social workers give parents chance after chance, I often feel that they are not seeing the child's needs in the situation or are not putting the child's needs first. Not saying that's what is happening here though.

As a CP social worker I think that’s pretty unfair. There are very complex assessments that sit behind those decisions and a pretty tight legislative framework. We can’t say that because X child was removed, all future children will be - each child and each situation is assessed on its own merits and each individual case must meet thresholds fir removal.

The child has a right to safety, a right to family life, the right to be cared for by their parents unless and until the parents can’t care for them. My DC’s birth mum had another child born as my two were placed for adoption - he’s doing well in his mums care, with minimal support in the community. She had 3 previous children removed and is now able to parent this little one.

Things change, but when they don’t there’s a process to follow - every children and families SW I know has the child’s needs front and centre of their thinking, their hands are often tied by policy and legislation.