I feel uncomfortable talking about Bp as a group, because they are just as diverse as anyone else.
I think we all know that significant lifestyle change is hard for anyone. We can see that in ourselves and our friends and family. Some 20% of The population smoke - they all know it’s bad for them and expensive. Most would like to quit, but it’s tough.
Some 65% of us are overweight or obese. Many would like to lose weight and have been struggling to do so for decades. We know it’s shortening our lives. But it’s tough and often requires significant changes for ever and that’s hard.
So I have great sympathy for all the birth parents I know, who mostly have very complex needs of addiction, mental health problems and experience of the criminal justice system. They often get a large amount of help and support , but of course it’s never enough or at the right time in the right place.
(BTW I don’t think any adopters actually believe there’s enough support to keep birth families together . Same as there’s not enough money for education or the NHS or to help disabled kids or carers).
BP often make the same poor choices over and over again, just like the rest of us. The triumph of hope over Experience.
It’s really really hard to change your whole life - most of us can’t even give up chocolate biscuits. I don’t judge them for struggling to do so.
However I know that many if not most of their children ( and therefore our children ) are profoundly damaged, probably for life, by their choices. And their children have rights too. So my sympathy for them is balanced with sympathy for their children, who don’t have choices.
Most of us who are adoptive parents have children who came from similar backgrounds to this. They are quite different in many ways from most of the BP who post on these threads. I think that some BP who post here don’t see that, they are not aware of how truly awful some children’s lives were before they were taken into care.
Understandably, they only see things from their own experience and they often don’t know any other BP. Which of course is very isolating.
Personally I know that many children are removed far too late, while others are removed too soon. I suspect that some Bp here have children who are in the latter group. But of course I don’t know.
I think that most BP who post here have lots of positives in their lives and they have the insight and ability to over come the issues that are troubling them - often mental health issues and a history of violent / abusive relationships. I hope that they will be able To go on and successfully parent other children, if that’s what they want. I wish this for you @darkriver19886.
So to summarise I think that BP have the same ability to change as everyone else, including adoptees and adoptive parents . But the needs are more complex and the change is more profound for some compared to others.
Adoption starts from a place of loss for everyone involved. It’s not as simple as losers and winners, good parents and bad. Everyone’s lives are complex and we all have our own struggles.