Positive adoption stories please

[OnTheJourney]

I am about to start stage 1 of the adoption process and most of the time I feel positive about it. That is, until I start reading - books, articles, blogs, tweets - all make adoption sound very hard work, very high risk and potentially dangerous.

Now I'm not expecting it to be easy but stories of people having to give up work, sell their homes and move to manage financially, being physically and verbally abused (even to the extent of bring fearful that they will be stabbed), behavioural issues, education issues, health issues, substance abuse issues...the list goes on.

I know most children eligible for adoption will come from homes where they've suffered trauma and I don't expect parenting, let alone being a single parent of an adopted child, to be easy but I can't help being scared off by what I read.

Are these typical experiences or worst case scenarios? I can handle the latter but am really starting to question whether I can knowingly jump into the former. Grateful to hear experiences of those who've taken the plunge.

We're 6 1/2 years in. The best thing I have ever done, despite it being a bit of a roller-coaster! It has certainly not been straightforward, my 'easy' daughters each have a range of challenges - but we are a family and value each other and spending time together. They are on track to becoming healthy, functioning, independent adults., so I would say we are a success story.

I would go into it assuming that any adopted child will have additional needs of some sort, and then if this turns out to be wrong then that's a bonus. But 'additional needs' doesn't mean constant drama and destruction, just that you need to adapt the way you parent (as plenty of birth parents discover they need to).

Thanks all for sharing your views and experiences, it is definitely helping me think things through.

One thing I am getting increasingly curious about is what my life will be like after adoption, particularly in regard to work. I expect big change in priorities and lifestyle. I am planning (and able) to take a year off and am prepared to drop down to part time hours when I go back. But work is a big part of my life and my identity. The thought of having to pack in my current career entirely and/or becoming a full time parent makes me feel a huge sense of loss and fear, not least because I don't want to end up resenting my child as a result. I know I may feel differently later down the line but it bothering me a lot at the moment, and they do say be honest!

Has anyone managed to return to their old job / career in some form post adoption leave?

You do lose your identity a lot in having children - adopted or otherwise. I was (and still am) passionate about my career and was doing really well before adopting. I only took six months off and now work from home part time and flexibly as does my DH which is a godsend as we can share work & parenting. But even so I, rather than lost, redefined my identify post adoption and yes it's different, I'm different and life is obscenely different but no where near as daunting as I'd imagined & worried about. And from the ppl I talk to even if it had dramatically changed, they just work it out once they genuinely know what the situation is. It's difficult to do hypothetically as nothing goes as planned! It's just ppl feel differently about life and priorities once you have kids. But it's def normal to worry about this sorta stuff

I'm working full time. Have taken a drop in responsibility - but that was a decision made whilst I was off on adoption leave rather than due to being unable to juggle it.
Will all depend on the needs of your child and the strength of your support network.