Adopted child baby name

[Hitchyhero]

I've been potentially matched with a child, and I feel awful for saying this, but I don't like the name.

I didn't expect to like the name but this is worse than I expected. Everyone I have mentioned the name to had the exact same reaction as me.

I don't mean to offend anyone when I say this. Everyone's reaction when I have said the name is: is the child black?

It's such a distinctive name from that culture even though the child isn't of that ethnicity.

Throughout the training we have been told over and over how important it is to keep the child's name. So this makes me feel terrible. I feel if we can just knock off two letters at the start it would make the child less identifiable and more palatable... But still recognisable (he's just over one year old)

Just to add what I always add - no-one questions that you’re going to change their surname to yours. Apparently, that’s expected.

(It also means you’re already writing on the AO form their new name anyway.)

Finished too soon...that should have said you simply fill in the name bu which you want your child to be known on the adoption order application.

I'm guessing it's something like "Le" before a more conventional name. I think it makes sense to change it. You'd still be keeping enough of the original name, while making it less incongruous with your family as well as less searchable/identifiable.

Our DD was given a very distinctive name and a double barrel one. We just used the first name. Don't get me wrong when told it, I did cry as I would never have picked that name.

But after months of saying it and bonding with our little one I would never see my little one as any other name. It's who she is and I don't care what anyone else thinks of it. Most people are fine but I do laugh at them pronouncing it 🤣...

We kept our son's names and added one and our surname. I will never know if I did the right thing, and secretly fear I did not. But I know for our son their is no risk.

I agree with EightWellies

"I wouldn't speak to your SW about this. They tend to have very fixed views on this issue, it's not their decision and they won't have to live with the consequences. I would keep your own counsel and just drop the two letters on the Adoption Order."

Social workers fiercely defend keeping the birth name and some say, it's the only thing a birth parent gives the child, which is completely untrue.

So discussing it with social workers could lead to issues and maybe even them demanding you don't change it.

As previously said here, social workers will not be in your lives for the next couple of decades.

You just need to be able to explain to your child why you changed it. Your child and your family (including you) are the only people who really matter in the equation IMHO.

Having said that we kept ds's name (a quite unusual one and one which doesn't quite make sense for him!) But has grown on us massively and he seems happy. If he ever did want to change it, I would be fine with that too.