Social Media

[darkriver19886]

Please don't think I am being difficult I am not I promise. I have been mulling this over for a while.

My DDs are quite young at the moment. So at the moment I am not to concerned about them trying contact me on Facebook and I will never actively seek out them out on SM. I plan to register my details with the services that allows BC to trace BPs when the girls are 18 and I will be writing letter box until they come of age.

I have become concerned about that some adopters secretly follow BPs and I am not okay with that happening to me.I have nothing to hide but don't want to be stalked. I have changed my surname, locked my profile down so only very basic information is provided.

I considered deleting FB but I would be pretty isolated without it.

This is an interesting thread. I always assumed the opposite: if birth parents leave their profiles entirely public, they want to give their children the opportunity to find them and see what they are up to. Everyone has the option to lock down security if they do not want to share information about themselves with the world. Tons of people do that, in- and outside of the adoption world.

I regularly look at my children's birth families SM profiles and found information and pictures which were incredibly helpful for my children (eg. the only picture of one the birth parents we have). It has also made me aware of a current safety risk (we have a high safety risk in general) for my children and their siblings.

If you put a photo on FB you are giving permission for it to be seen . I have looked at BM profile , if I hadn't I wouldn't have known she was living back in the area or that she looked different from my child's file picture or that we were standing within two feet of each other it's not stalking , it's keeping informed so you can do the best for your child .

I can see that you all feel justified doing it and I don't agree with but, I am going to be more careful about what I upload that can be seen. I will always be honest in the letters that I agreed to write so they can know that way.

I may be in the minority’s but we don’t search for our childrens family members on social media as everyone is entitled to their own privacy however social media is ‘public’ so we limit our own profiles as well. Although we have been told by our social worker they have tried to find us although our names on accounts are not all linked.

I think in today’s climate where there are hundreds of groups in facebook against adoption that plaster children’s faces on the groups is not acceptable but it works both ways. Check your privacy settings and photos. :)

@DoolinEnis I have never been part of a group like that as I agreed with the LA that adoption was the best thing for my children. I also don't agree with the whole "social services steal my children etc" mantra of these groups.

I think for myself and darkriver because we have been accepting of the adoption, and because we have put our child’s needs first and provided information and photos it feels like a much greater invasion of our privacy.

I get the whole “they are in the public domain” yes the photos may be but the information which has been shared with my sons family IS NOT.

If i hadn’t chosen to share updated photos of myself the last one they would have was the photo from my meeting with my sons parents, which considering I’d been through so much in the months 8 months prior to that meeting including the death of my mum, as well as at the time had recently been hit by a car, I think it’s reasonable to think I would look different now.

I think it upsets me that my sons parents wouldn’t ask me directly, but would maybe first resort to social media- Which even if they were to manage to guess the surname I use which would be a miracle in itself, they wouldn’t be able to find me unless they had a mutual friend. At which point t they can only see my profile pic which is myself and my partner and the “featured” photos which are quotes.

I also wonder if a profile is locked whether any parents have created fake profiles to “friend” birth parents to get information?

I also wonder what happens when a child tries to find birth family through posting a photo on Social media- what is the safeguarding procedure around this? Would my sons parents notify the local authority that he had done this even if he removed it after?

The more I think about the possible implications with social media and photos, the more confident I am that I do not wish to share any further photos of myself.

It does highlight a lot of issues. It complicates things for certain. I am not willing to give up one of my only support networks (a lot of my groups on Facebook are around my mental health condition and this is a valuable resource). I don't actually post about my girls anymore because it is painful and upsetting.

I have already told the adopters when I met them 3 months ago that I am willing to answer any and every question they don't NEED to go to sm for this information. If I move I would update the service.

Darkriver , it's an interesting discussion . As you said you gave your children for adoption and you have met the adopters . Many children are removed from their BP because staying with them would be unsafe for them , and adopters don't meet BP .
That's why social media is a tricky area. It can give information that isn't available elsewhere but is also a worry . Don't want to offend but I expect when my AC grows and wants to find her BM it will be a hell of a shock for her and I want to know as much as I can at the time to support her .

I also think it needs careful consideration the accuracy of the information that may be on social media. People can put anything on social media, so I think it needs to be very carefully considered when sharing this information as “fact”

It's not offending me. However, I don't have blown up expectations about my daughter's wanting to find me when they are older. I also don't expect us to have a happy and walk into the sun set reunion if they do .

I am very realistic but that's a subject for another day...

I can’t see why your adopters would feel the need to look at your Facebook profile when you have been so open and honest with adopters. You are clearly a loving parent who wants the best for their children and pose no threat. However, it is sensible to have your profile locked down as others have said. It’s not only adoptive parents who might try to find you on Facebook, your children could potentially try to search for you when they are older, but not old enough to do so using the proper channels.

I have never searched for birth parents’ profiles as I think they have a right to privacy. However, there are no security risks with them, and they are also not local. Perhaps I would feel differently if this wasn’t the case, but I hope not.

Your right Jellycat. Hopefully by the time my daughters are old enough to use SM the situation will be completely different. (in a positive way of course)