Adoption vs SGO

[primaryteacher90]

Hi all! This is my first ever post, so I apologise in advance if I break any conventions :-)

My partner and I are in the process of being assessed to become connected persons foster carers (used to be called kinship care) for my little niece (1yo). We are near the end (our assessment was very positive) and we are about to go to panel.

The social worker's plan is that once we have completed one year as foster carers, we would be eligible to apply for the full special guardianship order (SGO) and would gain majority parental control. We have repeatedly brought up that we would prefer to adopt her once our year as foster carers is up, but social services say that that would be impossible as I am biologically related.

Does anyone else have any experience with this? Has anyone adopted a niece or nephew outright? Are there any social workers who would mind clarifying?

Thank you in advance xx

@wherethewildthingis do you feel the law prioritizes birth parents over children at all? Not in relation to the OP's situation but just generally?

Italian I think that is an interesting question. The court would say they focus on the child and the impact for them of the different options available-birth parents are considered but their rights are secondary.
A lot of social workers do believe that since re-b and re-bs that the threshold for adoption is too high. There have been, some tragically well known, some very poor SGOs made, and I have seen SGOs that I don't think were in the child's best interests. This I think, and others think, because of the court favouring Sgo over the more severe option - adoption. There's actually some revised guidance from cafcass now which advises that Sgos are more rigorously assessed. So things may swing back the other way somewhat.
Equally, and this is where I must apologise if I offend anyone, I have seen the absolute devastating consequences of adoption without consent for parents and, sadly, for children as they grow older. I've seen some poor adoptions and disruptions. And the confusion children feel about why they aren't with birth family. Pain all round, for everyone.
I think the court comes at it from the angle that if adoption can be avoided, it should be, for the child, not so much for the parents. On balance, being in a kinship placement with good enough parenting will be better than being adopted outside of the family for most children - not all.
It is definitely the case that the two judgements have forced social workers to work much, much harder to keep children in their birth families, which is better for most children.
Just to be clear I'm not anti adoption and have been involved in many positive outcomes for adopted children. I think it is a very very complex issue, with no clear cut answers.

Yes, I agree "I think it is a very very complex issue, with no clear cut answers."

The things I would add is that whatever is legally severed by adoption one can not make a person who is your birth mother or father be not your birth mother or father. And increasingly with DNA etc is much easier, it seems, for people to trace their birth family or to verify who their birth family is/are.

Secondly, we live in an age where any kind of tie is less easily severed. In the past you could move and maybe people would never find you. Now, with social media, with all manner of things (facial recognition t technology etc) it may be harder not to be found! I just don't feel adoption is necessarily the severing now that it was in the past.

So because there is an unbreakable biological link between a person and their birth parents, and because it is likely children could find parents if they wished to (and vice versa) as adults, it feels different to how it was even a few years ago.

Personally, I see the retention of a 'legal' relationship as not necessarily being in the best interest of a child, although it may be. I think it may always be in the best interests of the birth parents to have that legal link.

Of course, also, we are always comparing situations and of course they may not be the same. A good foster placement is better than a bad adoption placement etc, so we can't just compare one thing against another.

Also if a child is adopted or SGo (ed?) by a family member they have not lost a link to birth family, only perhaps to their immediate parents.

Anyway, I have no answers, only questions, but I do feel that adults needs are often placed above children's needs in wider society so when we hear that fostering and adoption is about what is best for the child, I am not always sure I see it. But I also see completely that it is so hard to know.

My adopted son's birth parents could one day 'get their shit together' so to speak and be brilliant parents, but in the meantime what would have happened to him. A choice was made and so far, for him, I hope things are working out well! He seems happy enough most of the time!

There is always guilt in parenting, but I think in adoption one feels an extra guilt, I chose this child, am I doing my best etc!

Thank you for engaging @wherethewildthingis

Thank you too for engaging with me, I have huge respect for the posters on this board. I lurk here - largely for info on therapeutic parenting - but rarely post. I'm wary of coming across as the know it all social worker! I've enjoyed this discussion and hearing your views.

The point you make about society as a whole putting adults needs before children, I agree wholeheartedly. I hate, in particular, that we so rarely see an adult prosecuted for assaulting a child, or neglecting a child. Children suffer so much and as adults we do so little to protect them.

"I hate, in particular, that we so rarely see an adult prosecuted for assaulting a child, or neglecting a child. Children suffer so much and as adults we do so little to protect them."

I know. Even the reporting makes me shudder. One veil bastard killed the child in his care and it was reported as if he had failed to look after him!

I am also very sad that children's aggression against other children (bullying) is often overlooked to the determent of all the children involved, the target, the bully and the bystanders, who may get the message too that adults do not care. Sadly, (I believe* our adversarial society positively encourages this.

"largely for info on therapeutic parenting" A big massive vote for Theraplay, the for of play therapy specifically labelled Theraplay.

Cut my son's melt downs and anxiety/outbursts/emotions etc in half.

I'm wary of coming across as the know it all social worker!

But you do know more than adopters on a great many areas. The diversity of this board enhances it.

Hi I currently have a 4year old on a SGO I've had him 3years and to tell you the truth local authority don't provide you with the support of finance like they should you will get a allowance for 2years and out of no where they take it away and leave you to do all on your own I've had the worst experience with SGO and for the last year I have had no help or support and have managed on my own I was promised so much but after a year you get left and forgotten my child has SEN and I still get no help and support so think carefully and I've also heard LA are pushing foster cares and relatives to take SGO as they are cheaper for government and payments are discretionary which they don't inform you of until you realise they've stopped it my 4year old is a blessing and I wouldn't change him but as for LA and their system please think carefully before making your final dessicion II wish you the very best of luck

The legal case quoted is from Scotland, which has a different legal system to England and Wales (as does Northern Ireland).

And the Adoption Support Fund, for example, is only England and Wales.