Learning Disabilities

[BrunoMartelli]

Regular poster but NC for this in case it's outing. We were approved nearly 18 months ago and we have recently been approached with a possible match. The LO's mum has some kind of learning disability but we are not sure of the nature of this. Documents we have seen refer to her having first mild and then moderate learning disabilities and our SW can't tell us which it is or how this manifests itself. I know that some learning disabilities are inherited, while others aren't but I'm trying to find out more about the possible implications of this for a child. Does anyone have any experience of this or can anyone suggest any useful reading?
Our SW has given us very, very little info about the birth mum and I'm finding it really frustrating that they have told us so little. Perhaps I am being unreasonable, and I understand that the birth mother has some right to privacy, but I would like to understand more about her just so that I can try and understand more about the LO and if we are the right match. I accept that all that adoptions come with uncertainty, but after recent threads, I'm starting to wonder if social workers don't have the information, or if they are just reluctant to share it with us. Any words of advice, oh MN wise ones?

Thanks Tigers, what a lovely, positive story. I really believe the environment can make a huge difference but I'm finding it harder to convince my OH of this, and I this is anxiety is rubbing off on me. I'm off to show him your post now

It's a very hard balance to find - do I believe dogged very high levels of parental and specialist input make a huge difference? Of course (DD entirely non-verbal, basically silent/screaming, at placement age 3. Fully verbal and comprehensible in 2 months.) BUT just be careful of yourselves - it's hard enough as an adopter secretly wanting to make extra-sure your child has the best possible life from now on, even though logically we know we can't "make up" for early pain. Try not to add more pressure onto yourself by thinking that love/input/therapeutic parenting will take away diagnoses "if you try hard enough". You will burn yourself out, and feel like you're failing when you're not. You love them accepting some of the issues are there to stay, and you do all you can to help them learn to manage them, living their fullest possible life.

Environment can help a child make the best of what they have, but it can't turn a child with learning difficulties into one without.

I may be wrong, but it seems to me that with this child you will either have to accept possible learning issues including possibly having to go to a special school or walk away. If you walk away there will be another family out there who are less bothered about possible learning disabilities. I

The thing with younger children, you have more input, but more unknowns too.

Once again, best wishes whatever you decide.