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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

has anyone adopted their own child along with step-parent?

34 replies

frazzledfairy · 26/02/2007 17:32

we are in the process of dh adopting ds1 and i have just found out today that this means ds1 will not have a standard 'normal' birth certificate. he will have a short version that doesn't say birth certificate on but makes no reference to adoption, and the long version which will state that dh and i are both the adopted parents(i am his birth mum). his entry in the births register will be crossed through and adopted written in the margin and a new enrty created in the adopted childs register. there will be no paper evidence anywhere to suggest that i am his birth mum.

i am so angry and so upset that this is the way the system works, i am questioning the whole adoption, i don't think i can 'give up' my son like that. dh is happy to go along with what we decide together.

at the moment on ds1's birth certificate is a blank space where the fathers name should be, also his surname has been changed by deed poll to dh's so his birth certificate has his old name on it.

if anyone has any experience or advice it would be much appreciated. tia

OP posts:
Lizzer · 27/02/2007 12:39

FF and everyone, reading all this with interest as in similar boat (or about to start.) I'd like to know more about residency too, if anyne has any detals...????

beckyb, I'm glad you have had a good experience with adoption, its nice to hear your side of things

Rhian101 · 27/02/2007 12:52

I understood that the law was in the process of changing on this point. IS that true? If so, you could wait until you no longer have to adopt your own child.

Original poster
frazzledfairy · 27/02/2007 12:58

the law has changed, about a year ago, but it would seem the paperwork hasn't caught up!

spoke to my solicitor this morning and told him we didn't want to proceed with the adoption and the reasons why. he said he would 'push for change'. maybe in a couple of years we will be able to get a birth cert that states birth mother and adoptive father, or just mother and father.

we are going to go for joint parental responsibility and possibly a residency order(depending on what it is!) oh, and an extremely watertight will!

OP posts:
bonkerz · 27/02/2007 13:04

residency order and PR went hand in hand for us. We filled out the form at the court and went to a hearing which lasted 15 minutes and were handed the forms to say DH was responsible for DS and that me and DH had full custody due to the residency order. No solicitors required. forms got from court house and filled in and i think it cost about £30 for both orders!

Lizzer · 27/02/2007 17:19

Thanks for that, bonkers, that's such good news
I will definitely look into that option until the 'paperwork catches up' (how ridiculous it was ever 'behind' in the first place, no?!)

And thanks FF, if you hadn't started this thread me and dp would've been in the dark about all this, I love mumsnet for this kind of stuff

Original poster
frazzledfairy · 27/02/2007 20:36

You welcome lizzer good luck!

and thanks everyone else for advice

OP posts:
liljo2007 · 28/02/2007 10:22

havejust come across this thread and find it so spooky, because it allseems so familiar. My ds is 4, 'biological' father was a one night stand for want of a better phrase and never been in the picture (when told i was pregnant, claimed to be in fertile, tosser), and DP and i have been togethersince son was 5 months old. We had a daughter last august so i changed ds name by deed poll but confused the issue (I now think )by keeping his name double barrelled (ie his original surname- mine- and his dads). Dd has only her dads surname. We are gettingmarried at the end of this month which effectively means 3 of us will have onename, and him another. I know at 4 he is a bit young to undertstand, and dp has always been his daddy and he adores, but I am bit unsure of what to do with regards adoption, or should I justchange ds name by deed poll again, to make us all the same. I don'tlike the idea of being his 'adopted' mum either....

jaybenj · 16/01/2008 12:13

50 years ago I was adopted by my birth mother and then step father. I am in posession of 2 birth certificates, my original one with my bio dad's name on and the second short one with both my Mum and Dads name on. What's the problem? I kind of feel its rather lovely that I have a natural Mum and one who was prepared to go through all of the lengthy adoption process with my new Dad because they both loved us dearly. In those good old days my brother and I were both interrogated by social services individually without my parents in the room and asked questions such as "Does your step father touch you or hit you?" and we also had to attend court and be questioned by the judge. I remember thinking that all the questions they asked were very silly and why didnt they just let uys go home for lunch.
At the end of the day your Mum and Dad are the people who are there for you at all time during your youth whether they are your bilogical parents or not and that piece of paper is usually only used for weddings, funerals and passports, what the hell!
Oh and by the way when my 5 kiddos grew up and left home we adopted a grogeous little baby girl who is now 4 years old and the colour of bournville chocolate. Adopted or not we are her Mum and Dad

Covid53 · 19/02/2024 19:05

frazzledfairy · 26/02/2007 17:32

we are in the process of dh adopting ds1 and i have just found out today that this means ds1 will not have a standard 'normal' birth certificate. he will have a short version that doesn't say birth certificate on but makes no reference to adoption, and the long version which will state that dh and i are both the adopted parents(i am his birth mum). his entry in the births register will be crossed through and adopted written in the margin and a new enrty created in the adopted childs register. there will be no paper evidence anywhere to suggest that i am his birth mum.

i am so angry and so upset that this is the way the system works, i am questioning the whole adoption, i don't think i can 'give up' my son like that. dh is happy to go along with what we decide together.

at the moment on ds1's birth certificate is a blank space where the fathers name should be, also his surname has been changed by deed poll to dh's so his birth certificate has his old name on it.

if anyone has any experience or advice it would be much appreciated. tia

I was adopted by my birth mother and step father and have the same situation. If you search my birth name it comes up with my birth mothers name.

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