What's the stupidest thing a SW has ever said to you?

[donquixotedelamancha]

It's meant to be lighthearted. Yes its mean to professionals who work hard and try to do their best under difficult circumstances, but I think a bit of gallows humour is can be healthy.

Go on, you know you want to :-)

"Can you write down your cat's daily routine please?"

Yes, he gets up in the morning, poos on the hall floor, has his breakfast then sits in his basket (on the landing opposite the bathroom door) all day watching people go to the loo. WTF??!!

Kristna that is awful. Humour aside that's appalling and I'm very sorry.

Yes it was me who told you the paediatrician story. It happened to a friend of mine who was having various problems with SS and agreed to have her child seen by the doctor who worked with them and asked me to attend.

In front of both myself and said doctor (who was fantastic) SW asked parent about whether she'd taken child to see a doctor in X situation. Friend said "Yes I took him to see a paediatrician immediately"

SW..."Oh I see so you took him to a paediatrician but not a doctor"

Doctors eyebrows raised so high that they crawled up into her hairline!

It's one of the reasons why I am sympathetic to peoples occasional claims that social workers are trying to take their child away for no reason. I've seen the other side. Even when Doctor said very clearly "there is no evidence this child is being abused. None at all. I have no concerns about him" the SW wouldn't let it drop and asked parent to see a health visitor instead - who said the same thing.

She just couldn't accept that there really wasn't a problem - made that parents life a misery for a long time.

SW asked my mother, who was a reference, over the phone "what was it like when your son died"? Bearing in mind he died about three years ago. It's one thing asking me blunt questions as I signed up for this, but I'm so annoyed that she wasn't more tactful with my mother.

Can't wait for the thread where social workers get to share what adopters have said.

Knock yourself out if you want to start one ploughingon, it's an open forum.

But as this is a board for support for adopters/adoptees/birth family it would be somewhat odd on here.

I presume there is a support board for social workers on sites specifically aimed at social workers. As there is for teachers. We've had our share of social workers (both retired and current) contributing to this board and their contribution is very often valuable.

I can't tell whether your post is serious or a passive aggressive poke at us?

Either way, you must be aware that a social workers thread laughing about about adoptive parents on a board to support anyone in the adoption triangle wouldn't be appropriate any more than a special needs teacher starting a thread in the SEN topic to laugh about their pupils/parents would be. There's alternative venues that are more suitable.

Anyway I can moan about a friends parenting without thinking that either:

a) I am above reproach in my own parenting;
b) that her parenting is unremittingly awful;
c) that all parents are awful.

I can start a thread about things I've done wrong myself or have seen other adoptive parents do wrong - in fact no need now I think of it. Just search under my name (or anyone else's) there's a multitude of posts from many of us bewailing our total inadequacy as parents at times. No need for a social worker to start one at all - though perhaps we could concentrate them all in one place if that's more helpful?

At my panel when asked "what will change when you have a child?" I panicked and blurted out "well I'll have to get a baby sitter when I want to go out".

Subsequently I believed everyone who told me about DS's behaviour... "oh all kids do that" and really really regret that I didn't follow my instincts and push for help earlier/take more time off work. I have to live with the thought that it's possible if I had taken his separation anxiety more seriously earlier that he may not have the issues that he is currently dealing with. Mind you what I said to the social worker wasn't particularly funny and she certainly won't remember it as she is long gone now.

@ploughingon

I didn't start the thread to be mean. If it gets mean I'll have it deleted, but I don't think it has. Adopters put up with a lot and, IMO, are generally underappreciated by SWs. That certainly doesn't mean all SWs and, for balance, my SWs (as opposed to my daughters) have been uniformly fantastic.

As I said at the start: I think to be able to vent and laugh about the silliness of it all, and to realise it isn't just you who feels this way, can be very helpful.

Exactly, lots of them are great. Our PAR assessor was brilliant. This is a place for adopters/prospective adopters to vent about the ones that aren't.

Anyway, I said I didn't have one but I've remembered one from prep group.

We had a 'loss day', when everyone had to talk about their own losses (usually through IVF), with the SW going around the circle asking everyone to tell their stories.

When she got to us (we're a same sex couple), she said, "and what about you too? Too cheap for IVF?"

I must say, though, that this was the only negative reaction we've had to being a same sex couple. Every single other person involved has been uniformly inclusive and welcoming.

Sorry, that was supposed to be 'you TWO' obviously

It's very hard to choose from all the insanity we have experienced, but I think it was when a LO's SW came round and said they were worried about our body language and didn't feel confident placing baby with us as we might split up. At this point we had been together 23 years and had a 6 yr old BC. That was the closest we ever came to a match. Makes me sick to relive it. As do some of these stories you are sharing. Yet as potential adopters we are just so powerless.

During the home study , the SW wanted my addresses going back to birth for police check. I was in care as a child so didnt have some details for the first few years. I know that I was in Fc in X town but not the address and there were no SW records.

SW was very worried. When I asked how likely it was that I has committed a serious criminal offence before the age of two , she replied darkly

" Ah, but you could have assumed someone else's identity "

I refrained from asking how likely that was, given that she had already met my sister and BIL and my friend from primary school . Who would probably have noticed if I wasn't me.

Unless of course I switched identity beforethe age of 5. And if I'd had an idenity since the age of 5, wouldn't that just be MY identity now ? < head explodes>

And BTW since this was second adoption, wouldn't someone have spotted that by now?

Also a rather tactless thing to say to an adoptee .

Hello choccy. Long time no see. I was reading some old threads the other day and thinking of you. How are things?

That's a good story - person who might be kristina but could equally be an international infant terrorist :) So sensitive...

Hello, thank you for thinking of me. We are revisiting our criteria given it's been a while, as BD is older now (funny that). So I came for a mooch and see if I recognised anyone. Have you name-changed?
Kr1stina that is funny and wrong at the same time. Stupid SW.

Oh yeah sorry - I'll pm you. :)

I think there are lots of old timers still around . Although lots of people have name changed after Jeffreygate. And general social media concerns I think.

Thankfully we are too niche for the Daily fail " reproduce an entire MN thread complete with user names " articles < looks around suspiciously >

Yes, the namechanging is a shame as it means I don't know who anyone is any more - it reduces our sense of community. But I have NCed too.

I can only remember who you are Dorcas because I can remember the link with your very first user name #oldgimmer

I don't think I even remember my first user name!

That's because I'm much older than you. Shall I PM you it?

I am still me.

I am too old to be someone else. Though if I had the choice, could I be Angelina Jolie

I changed my name about 6 months after registering with my actual name [dimwit emoticon] because I didn't realise then how user names worked.

I have officially been here too long.

Yes please!

Kew: didn't you know that you are already known as the Angelina Jolie of our fragrant borough?

I remember when you had ( nearly ) your own name, Kew. With a Z on the end.

Are you impressed? I don't even have a spreadsheet.

I am turning into one of these old ladies who remembers random facts about the war but can't remember what year it is. Soon I will be putting plastic boxes in the oven and wandering the streets at 2am in my nightie .

Soon like in about 15 minutes?

I was going to ask you out for a drink soon but now I can't remember when it was .....

I feel so lucky with the SW we had to deal with! Our assessing SW was a bit bonkers, but in a (usually!) lovely way. I didn't like how she dealt with my parents, but as someone said upthread that's because they don't seem to switch between dealing with the people who signed up for this intrusive process and those who are brought into it as a consequence. And I had to re-write much of the PAR because it was either gibberish or factually inaccurate (things like how long we had been together - if it's important to include the precise month and year, it's important for it to be correct, surely?)

I'm sure that on an alternative forum there are SW comparing stories about adopters / prospective adopters, and I bet I can list some of the things that come up regularly (only wanting babies, not understanding FAS, demanding post-adoption support etc etc etc)