Adopting despite having a biological child?

[1horatio]

So, this isn't something urgent (DD is still an adorable little baby and we definitely have time) it's just something DH and I have been talking about.

We definitely want more children, but we just don't think they have to necessarily be our own biological children. There are no indication of any reproductive health issue. although I will admit that pregnancy wasn't exactly 'fun' for me. But I don't want you to think that I think of adoption as an 'easy' way out or anything, being pregnant again is definitely an option.

I just don't see why we have to 'create' a new child when other children need a home.

So, do you think adopting despite already having biological child is a good idea? Or having an other biological child and adopting? It isn't disrespectful, right?

(Btw, if this sounds insensitive, English isn't my first language, I'm not trying to be.)

Sorry, and perhaps read this thread, bluesky (I would have before commenting)- OP has decided to consider another pregnancy. Good luck, OP, and I really do hope your situation sorts itself out.

You seem to have the view that adopters think they will get a cooing newborn. I'm under no such illusions.

I'm happy to adopt an older child, and I know that health difficulties, emotional difficulties and trauma are par for the course. That's ok.

I know it's a long haul, it took my parents years, but it's worth it.

I still don't get what your issue is? You seem very anti adoption for an adopter.

You aren't the only person in the world prepared to parent a traumatised child. And all children are difficult and have different needs.

My beloved adopted sibling was adopted at the age of 5, and no trauma at all despite some very difficult circumstances (though he had a very stable time in care which helps). Every child is different. If I've got the desire to offer a home, the space, can afford to, s stable marriage and lots of support, why on earth not?

Not at all anti adoption.

But I'm not the one recommending adoption to someone saying they want a baby.

I am very pro adoption, obviously. But I'm very anti myth pedaling.

"There are many children needing homes." From your post on another thread. That is not quite true. There are many adopters waiting years to be matched. There are children waiting for families. None of which would be remotely suitable for an OP wishing to have her biological, probably healthy, newborn baby. So why recommend adoption when it's unsuitable, if you actually understand what adoption is?

Adoption can be great. What it's not is a solution for someone who gets hyperemesis.

bluesky Have you read this thread before posting on it?

There are lots of children, what there are not is lots of young children.

I don't see wanting a child as wanting a baby necessarily. I don't know whether the op in the other thread thinks like that, but she did say that she wanted a child without pregnancy - adoption is an option available to her. Neither of us categorically know whether it's suitable or not, but that's not our call to make.

I'm not sure who you think should adopt. People who are struggling to conceive or with pregnancy - no (ie previous thread). People with a desire to adopt because they'd like to rather than have a/more biological children - not a good enough reason you seem to think in this thread. So who should adopt?

Giraffessay - yes, why?

Adoption won't be happening for me for at least 7 years though - given I'm currently pregnant and don't want to adopt one too young.

I would say the children who are waiting for families are less older children, more those with high needs, or are in large sibling groups.

People who are needed to adopt just now are those who wish to adopt children with high needs or large sibling groups. Those who have experience with high needs children, or wish to have a large family at once. People who are needed just now are those who want more children, but also have skills they can bring, and an understanding that all children who are adopted are traumatised.

I think many people should question whether they could adopt, and read widely. Sally Donovan is very good. Most people will decide adoption isn't for them.

I don't think adoption is the answer to hyperemesis.

If I had a pound for everyone recently who "is thinking about adopting one day, so they know all about it", I could afford to stay much longer on adoption leave.

You are currently pregnant, bluesky, so it's going to be a long time before you adopt your older child, potentially eight years. Do come back then, and tell me how much easier it was than a pregnancy with hyperemesis, won't you?

You two seem to be carrying on a conversation from another thread, that doesn't seem very polite to the OP on this thread!

But ignore me if you are not!

Sorry to OP here, but it was really irrelevant to the op of the other thread. Bluesky decided to search me to find other threads she could tell me I was wrong on.

Actually I wanted to know what: earth Giraffessay had got so upset about.

I think you are ott and ridiculous, and if more people had your attitude, there'd be far more children wanting homes, which would be a tragedy.

I'm not going to continue this, I hope you get support for whatever is your problem.

Ott for thinking that adoption is not the answer to finding pregnancy difficult?

Right...

If you had bothered to read this thread, you'd realise that your comment was totally ridiculous. You think OP having a very sick friend is a lovely idea, and you hope it works out for her? But you didn't bother to read it. You just wanted to disagree with me again without actually reading the thread.

There are plenty of reasons to adopt. Altruism can be a reason. Unable to tolerate pregnancy can be a reason. But to say "try adoption!" to an OP wishing to discuss a second pregnancy is like suggesting a cruise in the Bahamas to someone scared of flying to Australia. Both are fine things to do. But if you're wanting to get to Australia, getting over your fear of flying makes more sense. If you are thinking of visiting the Bahamas, or unable to fly, talking about taking a cruise may be more appropriate.

Maybe a new thread? It's a useful discussion certainly. But maybe take it outside?

I didn't want it to get deleted as a taat?

But equally, adoption felt like the better board, as bluesky decided to bring it over here, this felt the better place to reply. This thread is at least about adoption, rather than the other OP who wanted to discuss pregnancy, and had expressed no interest whatsoever in adoption.

If I was allowed to start a new thread, I would have done.

But, actually, I don't see the point in discussing this with bluesky until she has bothered to look I to the realities of modern adoption. I'll be happy to discuss this, and be told my problem, in eight years time. Look forward to it.