Anyone watching the adoption piece on This Morning?

[MintyLizzy9]

Great that it's raising awareness but in all honesty I'm not sure how I feel about the public 'outing' of the adoptees. I spoke to my friend earlier this week on the back of another Facebook post about a birth mum trying to find her child and the well meaning people who share and share and share and if I'm being totally honest the fear that if they would do this for a stranger on the back of a very one sided emotional post what the hell would they do in years to come if they see a post about DS and recognise him. I'm genuinely torn over this, I will of course support my son if when he reaches 18 his wants to trace his birth family but the thought of some children/young adults/adults opening the door one day to someone out of the blue makes me feel sick.

We all know that the majority of adoptions are now forced as thankfully being single or young isn't a reason to remove a child these days, it's down to abuse and neglect.

I reported a post to Facebook a few months ago, a very outing post with photos, dates of birth and a lot of family info including the first names of the adopters asking for help to trace minors whom had been removed and adopted because birth family felt waiting until the youngest had turned 18 wasn't fair. Facebook said the post was fine

Not even sure why I'm posting to be honest just feel very nervous and uneasy today after seeing a few friends share these kind of posts recently then the big segment on tv this morning.

Thanks lovely

Sorry, overly critical, sorry.

It's a good post, and one I'd share. But I think it'll be water off a ducks back to those who want to be part of the reunion.

Good point, I'm going to re do to cover all bases!

Bet the fuckwits at this morning didn't even check she was telling the truth!

Of course they didn't!

This would be a great way to find someone you were abusing.

And those people will be banished from my friends list!

I started to rewatch this programmes.... I should be sleeping :/

Omg almost 600k shares for this morning women 😨

Re-draft. I'm off to bed now, will look at this again tomorrow!

There are many posts on Facebook at the moment regarding adoption, one of which has gone viral and was featured on This Morning today. The removal of children from birth families is a very emotive subject and heartbreaking for everyone involved so I understand why many share posts of birth mothers searching for their children. However, the reality is often not the fairytale reunion many hope will happen when they share such posts.

I could talk forever about adoption, the reasons why children are adopted, the process, the realities, the emotional fall out and ultimately the child left to deal with experiences, memories and emotions an adult would struggle with. Instead I just ask that before you hit the share button please think about WHY that child was adopted.

Modern adoptions are mainly 'forced', meaning children are removed following extensive interventions and support to keep them with their birth family and removal is the last resort in order to keep the child safe. The decision is not taken lightly and is made by a number of people working in the interests of the child/ren over a period of time. Removal only happens in the extreme cases.

In addition to the safety element, adoption is the child's story, it isn't a secret but it is personal and private and is always a difficult story. You will never know the full story from any of the Facebook posts. You will never know if what the poster is saying is true. You will never know if the poster was the child's abuser. You will never know if the child wants to be reunited. You will never know if the reunion was beneficial. You will never know because it's private.

Many historical adoptions were based on frankly ridiculous reasons such as being an unwed or teenage mother but even in these cases the child's (now adult) privacy should be maintained. I can only imagine what this poor women must be feeling having her adoption outed so publicly and seeing her birth mother on tv and currently over half a million Facebook shares all discussing HER story.

The law changed some time ago regarding reuniting adopted people and birth families and there are many agencies who will facilitate contact if BOTH the adopted person (when they have turned 18) and birth family member (if not deemed to be a risk to the adopted person) are in agreement. Professionals will work with both sides to ensure that emotionally everyone is prepared and ready and ongoing support will be available.

Bypassing this process is not in the best interests of either party regardless of the reasons for the adoption taking place.

I've attached a couple of links to documentaries on adoption in case any of you are interested in learning a little more.

If you've read all of this thank you. Disclaimer, if you watch the documentaries you will need tissues!

15000 kids and counting, a documentary about adoption
Protecting our children dai.ly/x15pc3t

Looks good, can I steal?

You have put your hometown there, would you like to report?

I reported as soon as I hit post doh!

But please do as they haven't responded yet and I want it off asap!!!

And yes, steal away...minus hometown 😬

Reported!

Do you mind if I steal to post on Facebook too, (minus the hometown)?

Good God, that video is monstrous. I don't imagine ITV will care about complaints to them, since This Morning consistently engages in manipulative gutter journalism; so I complained to OFCOM instead.

ofcomforms.secure.force.com/formentry/SitesFormCSLEStandardsComplaints

If enough of us complain it might actually give them pause next time.

This is a good article too:

standardissuemagazine.com/voices/think-share/

I do worry about how easy it would be for my children's birth family to do something similar.

Minty I think it is good they have someone there on the programme to advise about a better way to attempt to make contact through an intermediary service.

I am appalled at all the hate mail this poor woman has received.

We have letter box contact with our son's birth parents. When he is older (I am guessing a lot older) if he wants to make contact we can assist, if appropriate.

I think this does make things easier to manage than situations many years ago where nothing was in place.

We were told our son's birth parents are not a risk and we have reason to believe this is true although we do follow all the usual sensible procedures to avoid him being in the public eye etc.

Try not to worry Minty.

@ Italian. I don't think giving the correct advice at the end exonerates a piece like this. The poor woman is clearly vulnerable; she went about her search in a silly and harmful way, and hadn't even contacted an agency. They spoke for her and just used her for ratings- thats before the potential damage to the adoptee.

Others have wondered whether the hate mail is really that- I bet she gets some, there seem to be weirdos who send hate mail to everyone, especially women.

I tend to agree about not over-worrying. DP and I have been debating about our kids anonymity recently, but still lean on the side of not restricting our kids photos etc.

@LTTP. Good article.

I posted this on my Facebook page a couple of years ago after a highly publicised FB search did the rounds:

"This is a very good article standardissuemagazine.com/voices/think-share/ . But it doesn't cover the invasion of privacy of sharing identifiable details of a child on Facebook. Their friends, colleagues, neighbors, enemies and just a bunch of random strangers are potentially about to discover some very private information about them at a time which might be totally inappropriate - they may have mental health problems, be about to sit A levels, be dealing with the death of a parent, grandparent or sibling.

The general public might not know that there is a statutory obligation for social services to produce a "later life letter" for every adopted child giving the circumstances of their adoption and including details of birth parents and other significant family members, birth records etc. It isn't within the gift of adoptive parents to decide whether to give this letter only WHEN it is appropriate. Many parents will share the later life letter significantly before they are 18 when it becomes accessible to the child/young adult in any event. It really isn't difficult for an adopted child in this country to get in touch with birth family if they choose and counselling is obligatory before this happens if they go through the normal channels.

How much extremely personal information about YOUR teenage child would you be happy sharing publicly on Facebook?

Please don't share details of children you don't know on Facebook. Share this instead."

In fact I have reposted it today - slightly modified with the caveat "I know these posts come from a good place but..."

I haven't seen a peep about this on my FB...

The moment I do I will be ready though, with either Minty or Kew's response

Good post Kew.

Well so far the only response from itv is that they have passed my email onto this morning.

I think I'm extra paranoid about DS as birth family all live a ten minute drive away....but as you know it may as well be a million miles for the family, just need to keep reminding myself of that!

As expected they don't give a hoot.

Andrew is quite illiterate for someone in his job isn't he?

That may be what prevented him from understanding why you were concerned.

Andrews a knob head.

I didn't tell him that though...let him find out for himself!

Good for you Minty!