concerns regarding the match.

[jimbob1]

I am a regular but frequent name changer.

Today we met with our SW and were told that Lo's SW had expressed that we "do not seem that excited about the match".
sigh I really do not know what they expect from us. We met SW for about 40 minutes, showed her round and asked some questions about parents and foster carer, how lo was doing etc. Most practical questions we had were for the medical advisor and foster carer and we didn't see the point in bringing them up. We talked about what we like to do as a family - they had no questions for us.
How were we meant to behave? Should we be bursting with excitement when we open the door? Surely most people are a little apprehensive at having strangers in their home scrutinising them constantly.
We have assured them as best we can that we are excited and have started preparing but to be honest we are exhausted by the whole process now. We have our birth child so need to keep things normal and are both working full time whilst undergoing all this. What more do they want as I feel we are reaching our emotional limits?!

Yes - the social workers (two) were there when we met our son.

I think people (some social workers included, and certainly lots of strangers) want the Adoption Fairytale.

"From the moment I laid eyes on him, I knew he was meant to be my son. I loved him from the first moment and, as he looked into my eyes, I saw the trauma of his past slipping away".

They don't want "The moment I laid eyes on him I thought "oh fuck this is real, what made me think this was a good idea". It took me months to warm to him and I'm fairly sure he likes my partner better than me".

Hang in there if you can. You know how, when you learn to drive, you don't really learn until you're doing it alone? Getting your privacy back to have space to become his/her parent is important.

Keep posting if you want to.

Spookyrachel how awful. we must have been so lucky, just me and dh, meeting ds with his foster carer, and her other foster child (who was a baby) all very low key. I had not realised how lucky we were. My dh was actually parking care so me and our son met with just fc standing there, she's lovely, and it was so nice and relaxed. I am quite shocked that it is done any other way really.

Honestly, for us it was a case of nothing being too scary on the CPR but also a sort of happy feeling, I woke up the next day feeling happy the day after we decided to say yes.

Yeah that's it moosey - exactly that. Which I can cope with from randomers but these people are supposed to be professionals ffs.

Rachel- do you have any contact with the foster carer now? I would really struggle after such an unprofessional and thoughtless start to introductions.

"oh fuck this is real, what made me think this was a good idea" Oh yes.

jimbob, it was actually a hideous week (I have vented about it many times on here!) and then went on to dragged-out conflict as she insisted on holding onto dd's box of things given by her birth family, until I played ball. It took about a year to resolve. I did try to keep things cordial, for dd's sake. For a long time I sent regular email updates, as I know she found it very hard to let go of dd. But she never answered and I have now given up. Such a shame, as despite all I know she did really love dd and gave her fantastic care during her very difficult first year.

And YES to 'oh fuck this is real...'

It's such a shame Spooky Rachel. It could have been different if f2f had changed her behaviour. Our son's fc still sees him twice a year, gets regular updates and photos but then she both really loved him a d acted on his best interests. It sounds like your dd's foster carer did n't manage to detach enough.