I'm coming on here for a quiet unassuming little whinge because no one else really 'gets it'. I guess I'm in those final few weeks of matching - waiting for panel - and other people are starting to really wind me up because - and it's not their fault - they don't really understand.
To put it in context, I spent years being fairly sure I could not have children so we put it out of our minds. Then we had a last ditch attempt to conceive for around 4 years then was advised to consider IVF or adoption. I had always wanted to adopt and never, ever wanted IVF - which I now know would not have worked anyway.
It took us 2 years to be approved (a long and dull story). After 3 months of approval we got linked to a LO - we are thrilled. He is an older child, age 6+ but pretty terrible early experiences. Panel is in a few weeks.
Since then, people have been really pleased and excited for us which is lovely. But their attitude to him moving in has been odd. My manager asked if we could delay it by a month or so - because work is really busy and she can't spare me. No one else seems to think this is an unreasonable request - 'why can't I just say to his social worker, it's a bit awkward, can we put it on hold?' etc etc. Push it back to the school Easter break perhaps, so we get a couple of weeks with him, before he goes to school...
I also said I wanted adoption leave to start a week before he arrived - apparently everyone else thinks this is a bad thing. I will, apparently, just spend it worrying. I should work until Friday then start intros on the Monday.
I am exhausted. I work in a demanding mental health role - I work in child protection and with risk, people who can be suicidal etc. I'm virtually on my knees and the adoption process on top of that and other life events mean we have coped with a huge amount. I really wanted just a week to tidy, prep food for the freezer, buy the last few bits and pieces for him...My manager wants me to finish off every last piece of work before I leave as there is no one to hand over to...
As for needing 12 months off - well, he'll be at school. Best thing is to go back to work after a couple of months maybe. Suggesting I need 12 months off is a bit, well pfb apparently.
Thing is, he's got GDD. He struggles with school. He struggles with his peers. His S&L is very delayed. He's really going to need a lot of support with everything.
I'm desperate to meet him. I imagine heavily pregnant women can't wait to hold their baby in their arms. I can't have that but I do want to meet him, hug him, chat with him. It feels like other people are trying to downplay everything - apparently 'it's different for pregnant women, because it's physical for them.' They are allowed to want to finish work, nest, prepare. I want to yell, it's not different! I may not be giving birth but I really want to be able to plan for and enjoy the arrival of my new LO!
I just feel bad - for me, yes, but also for him - he is special. He is wanted. He's not something to be pushed around - moved to a date when it is more convenient for everyone. Just as much as a baby being born, he has his needs, the time he comes to live with us will be when he is ready, not when it's a convenient lull at work (not that there ever is one).
I'm feeling a bit 'mama bear' on his behalf and a bit fed up on my own behalf. I'm really excited that he may be coming to join our family. I think others are too, but they don't seem to be seeing that there is a huge amount to be done to help him settle in. A quick online grocery shop and 'dumping his stuff in the spare room for now' is apparently all it will take.
Oh well, do ignore, I am whinging, I know. I should be glad we have been chosen for such an adorable, wonderful little boy. I am fervently hoping matching panel say yes. There was a veritable stampede for him and we were chosen. I feel sick when I think about it and my stomach does a little flip. But I just can't wait and no one needs to piss on my parade!
I need to get used to other people's comments don't I?! 