Kids are coming what do we need/should have?

[Desmoulinsonatable]

Hello all. So - we start intros next week (cue huge excitement and trepidation) we're frantically doing lots of housey bits and also having lie ins while we can. What I wondered was what are your recommendation for stuff that we should definitely get before the arrival of the splendid small people? We

My 5 year old def still needs a step to reach sink and get in bath alone. He's above average for height. Maybe we just have high bathroom fittings?

Junior monopoly goes down well with my BS who's 6, I'd get plenty of games- card games are good, too.

Congratulations!

See if you can bring some plates etc from foster carer. Ds wouldn't eat at all the first day he was with us until we put it on his plate that he'd brought (found in the bottom a box). He was fine after a week or so but seemed to need that to start with.

Definitely yes to books/ reading stories! There is something very calming about being read to, and a child who may not yet want hugs and cuddles may be happy to sit on your knee or beside you on a chair while reading and enjoy physical closeness that way. (I say that not only as a foster carer but also as the mother of a child with special needs)

Also, favourite or familiar books/ stories can be brought from the foster home. Most foster carers have a stock of toys and books which belong to them and are saved for the next child, but if you learn that your children do have particular favourite stories that they ask for again and again the foster carer might be willing to let you take them, or alternatively you could easily get your own copies (as said above, Amazon is your friend!)

Good luck!

As team acorn advised do not change things overload with new, replace as children needs them are more at ease with familiar things, by sight, smell, touch. this includes everything they come with. Watch out for signs which seem strange. Put a baby alarm in the room so you can see or observe them when are alone.
Example DD was perfect room spotless clothes folded put away., listened too her talking too Teddy , " If we are good, keep everything nice may be we can stay, enabled us too understand, room was a more natural disaster within weeks., but a happier child.

When my kids were young like that they enjoyed Disney DVDs, and also Disney CDs - greatest hits etc - in the car. Could be really good to watch together or singalong to as a new family. Don't mean to be too intense.

Ask the FC what laundry detergent they use so their clothes and bedding smells familiar.

My 5 yo uses a step to do her teeth still too (though bath is fine without). Ikea are fab for this sort of thing, including the best plastic plates with a rim around the edge that making eating much much easier.

Can you ask FC for a list of what they currently use, and what they intend to send with them?

That's another good one Fasparent! We had a baby monitor with a camera on it (a very grainy one mind you, not necessary really). If you have siblings in the same room, as we did (they were in same room at foster carers) you'll learn more about their state of ease from them talking to each other at bedtime than from anything else.

It did feel like we were invading privacy and we did remove it after about 3-4 months but we did hear a couple of conversations of older child telling younger what to do so 'everything would be ok'. Without mentioning that you'd heard it, you can casually drop it in to the conversation next day to reassure them that X doesn't matter, or it allows you to know they need even more re-enforcement of forever home.

Don't know how it would work with a 5 and 6 year old who maybe a bit more inquisitive and work out there is a monitor in room, this could put them at unease I suppose. You'd have to judge it based on ability to hide it in room etc., what you know of children once you meet them. As fasparent said, if not in same room they may still tell a teddy.

Also, I agree with others. I do think it's important to get a load of boxed games etc. as I said. But I also think it's good to store them hidden in a big cupboard and bring them out one at a time. Like another poster mentioned, we had a SMALL selection of new toys in their bedroom. None in boxes or anything, all just there like they had always been there. We did this so they knew we provided toys but everything else was what came with them from FCs, or things we bought during intros that they played with at FC's but weren't actually theirs.

This is all worked for us, ours settled really quickly. However, what works for some doesn't always work for others!

Good luck OP by the way....such nervous but exciting times!!

And when I say really quickly, I mean in adoption terms. We had 3 stages of thinking that the honeymoon period was over, over about 4 months, but it eventually was properly over....and then you know the trust and ease is building

Just remember when times are tough in those first few months, it gets better! We are a different family nearly a year in than we were in those first few months

Thank you all, this is so useful! The children are being told about us on Friday! We have met the FCs and they are brilliant so will be asking lots of questions re likes and structures.

Good FC will make the whole thing so much easier for you all . And hopefully you will keep in touch so you can email them with questions over the first few weeks and months

and I'm sure you'll reciprocate with updates on the kids and photos .

Steps can be useful longer than you think, so get sturdy ones (ours came from Tesco).

DD2 age 10 uses one in the kitchen when cooking / making cakes. Also uses one in bedroom.

DD1 age 16(!) uses one in her bedroom to put things on the top of bookshelves.

Mine are both petite mind you.

Well obviously my kids are Giants . Or we have short sinks

But when they were toddler we had these

www.ikea.com/gb/en/catalog/products/90291330/

Congratulations! I would add tissues to list .. loads of them. We all got colds constantly for the first three months so having stuff like children's neurofen and lots of plasters can be helpful too. We also found we needed loads more bread products! When there was just 2 of us we got through a loaf a fortnight if that. With the addition of 2 children it was loads more. If you don't do it already, menu plan, ( although you will need to be flexible). We were complete last minute food fixers which was a bit stressful when the DC first came home.

We also got them some wall stickers of things we knew they were interested in , (cars and princesses basically) and encouraged them to stick them on their bedroom walls and bedposts over the first few weeks. It helped them "own" and personalise their own rooms.

As pp have said, be kind to yourselves and do give yourself permission to have some time off. eben if it's just an hour to go round the supermarket alone. It is mentally and physically exhausting and constantly evolves

Loads of good advice on here. Agree with all the stuff about keeping food etc the same. I'd use same fabric softener if the foster care does (if they say we just get whatever is on special then of course do not worry - although we have made a little ritual of sniffing fabric softener and washing up liquid at the shops, me and the kids, and they choose what we buy!)

Agree with Maryz do not overload them. It is easier to add bit by bit or rotate toys (into garage etc than have all out all the time.

In your shoes (sorry if someone has already said this) I would but a large plastic box (about the size of an old fashioned TV) and fill it with safe clean junk for junk modelling. EG cereal and tea boxes, small plastic bottles, larger plastic milk cantons, plastic pots, coloured paper, chocolate boxes - the whole thing the outer and the inner tray, etc. AVOID anything sharp, not just glass or tin (of course) but also those yoghurt pots that have sharp edges! Avoid anything that has had something smelly in it, e.g. ready meals or frozen fish where the meal was touching the cardboard. Go for variety of shape, size and colour. In a separate place (e.g. a drawer) keep some child safe scissors, glue and Sellotape - the kind you do not need to cut (e.g. Proper Sellotape), the kind you can break with your hands. It is more expensive but heaps easier for kids to use than cheap ones that do not tear. You could also use masking take which is easier to use.

To give you some ideas my kids, 4 and 10, have made a piggy bank, a model of horse, a dog, a game (which just needed dice to play - e.g. a board game), a robot I think, and paper wing (I think the other one is coming so no flying yet!)

If you get offers of money for a gift and have a garden, I can totally recommend a big item they can use together, a trampoline with safety net IS expensive but we have had hours of fun and it is very good for stress busting. They can even use it in raincoats in the rain if they really need to get some energy out.

We also got a fabulous paddling pool and a kind of runway that sprinkles water and you skid on it! The gifts that they can share can be very good for promoting teamwork and playing together, not always easy, but useful.

Good luck and congratulations.

PS My son is nearly five and needs a step stool, get one first and if you have a downstairs loo and another is needed get one for up and one for down as it can be frustrating if you have a downstairs loo they struggle to use.

agree with Stacey, our DCs only ate about 3 things. We tried lots of other foods that our BC had eaten at the same age, gave up and stuck with the 3 things till they were ready to try new things. And with MrsAukerman ours regressed & peed & pooed everywhere (still do) so mattress protectors, wipe clean floors, wipes, nappy bags etc. After a few panicked late night supermarket visits we now get them delivered in bulk. And they wanted their own bedclothes, not ours, for quite a while.

Ours brought masses of toys & games with them so no need to get more at first. We found regular trips to the same park worked best.

Thank you for all the advice, I have made a very long list! The splendid smalls found out about us today! They are very excited according to their SW, which is a relief, I'm an emotional wreck! DH then made it better/worse by getting me flowers and saying that they were my first 'mummy flowers' I'm off to drink wine and cry happy tears while I still can!