Deep Breath. I have got my Postbox contact 'contract'

[SuzanneL60]

Not overly overjoyed, after all the photos, some very intimate for the birthmother and O's story book. No photo exchanges. after a very rocky road with social services almost NO confidence in process as a result. If I am honest, I am only doing this for O not myself. My counsellor says I should and my son wants me to. Not sure annoys them know how hard this will be. Knowing so much has gone wrong and cannot let go. Slowly destroying me and the reason I am leaving the NHS behind.
The guidance is so vague it is a minefield. No indications of what I can or can't say- part from the obvious and demands for information re significantt events - whatever they may be and health news. Seems they want me to tell them if she has any future siblings, but surely that is not for me to discuss. Not sure why when they were never interested before adoption But Hey Ho. I have to make an effort.
So what do you guys want from a birth paternal grandparent that is unlikely to be rejected by the letter censors.
I unfortunately have little to tell that stays outside the forbidden zone. I retire, but my workplace is part of her story. My work has been my life. We were forced t move so I have no local interests were is only so many time I can tell her that I love her miss her and wish I could see her just one more time. Chances of any of this meaning anything are slim but it has to be done.
So hopefully you can help. I will take whatever you give ns try to do something with it. I have asked that O's new mum asks questions- at least then I will have something else to say. But to be told none of this will be seen by O until she is 18 seems pointless. Surrey is an awful place to deal with and have been no help so here I am. It would be so much easier if this had been refused I would not be pressurised into doing it

Thank you Didn't know I could do that. There is so much I want to tell her, but I know that when she is 18 so much will be of no consequence. especially if she has had the life I want for her. So no point.
Maybe I could leave occasional letters for her there- school starts and teenage times once the other letterbox is established for S. Seems space is a premium doubt they will want regular contributions. I will have to ask. Get the first ones done and try and stay positive.

You might ask if you are allowed to send photos of D as a young child, or photos of inanimate objects eg a photo of his favourite toy as a child or a jumper you knitted

I would write about D at that age . Are you addressing the letters to the A mum or directly to O?

Tell stories about D eg when he was two, he loved Thomas the tank engine, his favourite was James the red engine . One year we we to the seaside on holiday and we all laughed when .......

Talk about yourself now. You must have some hobbies or interest , presumably you don't sit and watch TV all day . It doesn't need to be very profound eg Once a week I like to go for coffee with my friend Mary and then we go to knitting group together

I agree that medical information is very important , lots of things run in families and it's important for Os mum ( and later O) to know .

Eg we have a history of heart disease, so it's even more important than it usually is for my kids not to take up smoking

Eg we have history of eczema , so I don't use scented fabric softener , only certain bio soap powers , unscented soap and no bubble bath etc

Medical details are important for more than just medical things! DS hates me having to say "we don't know" when we're asked about family history when it comes to medical stuff, just hates it.

He would so love to hear me say "well we know that one GP has a heart condition" or "we know 4 GP's are alive in their 50's/60's/70's with no conditions like diabetes or glaucoma"

And from your perspective - it might give your GD a sense of the wider family, she might say to her a-mum one day "how do you know that there is no diabetes in the birth family?" "Because suzanne make sure to tell me"

That can't fail to be a good thing, both from a medical perspective and from the idea which will take root in your GD's mind that you cared enough to make sure that important information was passed on.