School photo

[islurpmyspaghetti]

I just wondered if I could get any opinions on the subject of letting DC feature in the whole school photo which is being taken tomorrow.

The parent in me knows how much he will love it, how I don't want him to be left out of it and I really want a copy to treasure the memory of his schooldays.

The adopter in me panics about safety and Facebook and possibly identification issues. It is just that though: a panic.

Is anyone willing to share their own experience on this?

Thanks.

I was adopted many moons ago and would have HATED being left out of class pictures etc. there wasn't the FB issues we have now, but my photo was in the paper a few times with name etc.

From a practical point of view, my Childrens' class photos have both have people missing due to illness, holidays, appointments. I think we only have one out of five where everyone is there. So if you don't want your DC to have to 'sit out' then take her out of school for the afternoon for whatever reason.

True, lweji, but it's the uniform thing specifically, isn't it? That DS wears his location on his chest quite prominently. I am fairly relaxed about things out of school but I have a fear about something that so obviously 'locates' him.

I meant photos in school, say at gatherings, with the school uniform.

Realistically, unless your child is in FB too, I don't now if it will get tagged.

And the risk, I imagine, is pretty low, so unless the consequences could be disastrous, I'd probably risk it.

Yeah, I think that's right, lweji. My worry - and I think it's a silly one - is that DS will be recognised by someone who is searching whether we're tagged or not. And the wider something is circulated, the more likely it becomes.

But I think it's low risk and thank you for helping me reach that conclusion.

And thanks to you to RumpyPumpus. I really appreciate hearing your perspective as an adoptee. We want to normalise DS's life as much as we possibly can and I really do take your point on board.

We chose too go with the flow, individuals in school have their own take, some times blurring our kid's faces or black circling them. despite us giving permission we have no objections what so ever.
Not nice for them or their friend's, birth family's and otherwise.
Some of us do move forward

I too think that letters to other parents give false reassurance. As our children get older, they will be on social media and they are their friends will be posting identifying information all over the place.

I think we have to, on an individual level, be very specific about risks and solutions. Where there is a defined threat, or if a child has been relatively recently placed, or is living near to birth family, I'd be saying 'No photos' and keeping my child out of them altogether.

If the threat was more diffuse (my child might get tagged on FB, a birth family member may see it, they may decide they want to do something about it) I'd be more likely to think, 'This is just one of the risks of life, and we can't eradicate it'. Obviously the level of risk is influenced by other factors - like, if the child's name has been changed. Or how long since placement (I have got more relaxed over the years, as the chance of dd being recognised grows slimmer).

It's very individual. I'm not saying what parents should do in each and every situation. Just: don't think you can keep your child's identity off social media for ever, or that other parents will play by your rules.

I would ask the school to take one with your child in which is only for you. They can then take one without him/her for the rest of the class. It should be no problem.

We've always said no to photos in press or internet, but we've always allowed class and whole school photos.

I agree it is about balancing risk v rewards.

Both DDs would be very disappointed to miss out on class photos, and I'm not really convinced that many people would scan in class or whole school photos to bung on facebook (isn't there a copyright issue with doing that anyway? couldn't the school stress that?).

Having our location known could be a hassle, but it wouldn't be dangerous.

So for me, unless there is a clear and present danger (e.g. threats to search for and track down etc), I would allow it. Unless of course you know that a number of the children live in same street as BF, so they might see pictures in real life as neighbours popping in.

Some of ds's teachers have been very good at stage managing whole class photos on trips or school play etc to have the " no photos" children on the end of a row and " miss " them , or in the middle behind someone the same height/ taller. Or wearing face obscuring hat/ mask / wig etc ( along with others) .
The long awaited class TV show was realised in two versions, most people had the version with out DS and his mate telling jokes. Only DS and mate got the full version. Both sets of parents having been asked if this was OK.

I have always allowed our two to be in whole school or class photos which get sold for extortionate prices to parents at the end of the year. There is a theoretical risk but it's pretty small.

Our other rules are no photos with names attached and no publicity or website photos. I did remove them from the reception class photo that goes in the local paper.

That provides us a reasonable balance in our situation which as Devora wisely says, you have to weigh up individually.

Do birth parents know dc's adoptive name? Do they know what dc looks like now? If not I wouldn't worry, the chances of being found are slim. If the answer to either question is yes then I would say no.

I did laugh - DC2 is very small and they did a cast photo of the nativity play which went to all parents.

I couldn't find DC2 anywhere until they informed me they had been stood in between their two best friends who are a year older, and enormous

So theres a lot you can do with a creative approach to the problem!

I was going to suggest that he could make a face that would be hard to be recognised, or semi-hide behind a colleague. It happened with DS at his group first communion photo. I can recognise his forehead. :)

It also depends on how long ago the relatives last saw the child. They can change a lot. I look at old photos of DS and they bear just a passing resemblance to what he looks like now.

I decided to let ds be in the class photo because there is very little risk to our ds.

Generally, I would say if unsure go with your gut.

Our school is great, our daughter poses in the class photo but the photography company then photoshop her out for everybody else's. So we get a complete photo, but she's not in anyone else's and she still poses as normal!

islurpmyspaghetti what did you do about the photo.