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Surviving Christmas TV with a child who joined the family by adoption

143 replies

Italiangreyhound · 14/12/2014 17:31

Oh look, Kung Fu Panda (adopted by a stork), on Sat 29th, Cinderella (lost her birth mum and dad married a bitch) in 22nd, The Rugrats movie (returning a new born baby to the hospital) in 23, Puss in Boots (and Humpty Dumpty was in the orphanage) on Christmas Day! Plus on that day we have Nanny Mchee (the children who have lost their mum), the child catcher on Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and later Kung Fu Panda 2. All we need is Tanged and Elf and we might be part way to a full set!

We started watching Elf last week on DVD but once they started talking about Will Ferrel going to find his 'real dad' I felt we should probably stop!

So there are a lot of programmes on TV this Christmas that some of our kids might find worrying.

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Jameme · 15/12/2014 22:21

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Lilka · 15/12/2014 22:24

X-posting

Okay, Tangled

Beautiful baby stolen and raised by wicked Mother Gothel. Who Rapunzel does call her mother. Mummy Gothel is stiflingly overprotective and controlling and constantly tell her how she must never leave the tower because it's oh-so-dangerous out there. When she finally does leave (to go and follow some lanterns), she is really conflicted about feeling like she's betraying her mum to do this thing she wants more than anything else

I found quite a few adult adoptees online who were identifying with Tangled actually - especially that 'finally left the tower scene', with their feelings about seeking a reunion

On the plus side, there's a hilarious horse, which my kids loved.

ladygracie · 15/12/2014 22:25

As I was reading this thread i was just thinking that I had absolutely no idea about the issues that so many films raise. It must be so so difficult to have to think through everything in that way.
Gavlarr- I think you have spectacularly missed the point there with your quite ridiculous comment. The whole point is (I think) that adoptive parents do have to think so much because it isn't always immediately obvious and things can suddenly crop up that are very very minor to most of us but massive to some children. Sorry if I've spoken out of turn.

ladygracie · 15/12/2014 22:28

And I either x posted with lots of people or missed loads of posts. Sorry.

Kewcumber · 15/12/2014 22:32

Sorry if I've spoken out of turn.

Not at all we particualrly welcome people speaking out of turn. But only if they agreed with us. Contrary to popular belief (yes I blame you Media) Adoptive parents are generally hardened old hags who don;t welcome dissent from outside the ranks.

But we do like people who are kind and fluffy to us and don;t tell us we're getting it wrong and stroke our heads.

FamiliesShareGerms · 15/12/2014 22:38

Ah yes, fond memories of watching Despicable Me and having to explain to DS why our adoption process was taking so long when apparently you could just walk into an agency and out with three kids... Confused Hmm

I quite like some head stroking occasionally

flightywoman · 15/12/2014 22:41

Daughter (7) loves Madagascar. Totally different story for Madagascar 2 when the lion cub gets stolen by poachers/hunters. It upset her deeply and we had to turn it off, she's never got past that.

One thing I always say to people who underestimate the effects of early trauma on the child you adopt is this:

I bet you all know someone who had a bad relationship that has affected them ever since - either that they have not had another relationship, or that they cannot feel emotionally safe and secure, or that they don't trust any man/woman in a loving relationship again. That person is a sentient and rational adult and they still feel that way.

Imagine being a child and experiencing that level of betrayal by the person who should above all protect you, and not being able to rationalise it, or to even talk about it or understand it.

Those are our children and that's why we have to be so alert, so protective, so careful, so forward-thinking. It's not over thinking it Gavlarr, it's protecting someone who has been given to our care to do that very thing.

But personally I don't really care what you think, your opinion matters not to me.

Lilka · 15/12/2014 22:43

Of course not ladygracie it's always a relief when someone 'gets it'! I hate having to analyse upcoming films, I would love nothing more than to be able to just relax and know we were all probably going to enjoy it, so it's frustrating to be told i should be able to do that.

Jameme LWW - My kids don't always do well with scary scenes, and it starts with an air raid and houses blasted apart. Then straight into the massive problem - evacuation. Stick luggage labels on the childrens coats and have to hug their mum and say goodbye for an unspecified amount of time. We didn't actually get to the rest of the film, DS was done by that point (as in crying hysterically).

Why evacuation and not orphanges a la Annie? I can only speculate it's because the seperation from parents isn't actually depicted?

'Goodnight Mr Tom' is a class reading book/film for lots of Y5/6 children studying WW2 - and that was the worst for us. The worst book/film for their issues you could possibly think of. DD1 couldn't cope with it at all, it was absolutely awful.

DS is now in Y5, WW2 is not winter term, but that reminds me I need to go in to school and ask about this...

Kew, if you'll permit me to say it, I would ask your DS school for next year/Y6. It's one to be aware of as a possible issue.

RaisingSteam · 15/12/2014 22:50

Worst one for DS, years ago, was an episode of Shaun the Sheep called IIRC "Who's the Mummy", about baby chicks who accidentally imprint on Shaun and follow him everywhere, and takes ages to get back to the chicken mummy. That five minutes had him sobbing. In a typical Aardman way it's really emotional!

Just warning you all, like.

I think we are going to take a risk on Paddington.

Jameme · 15/12/2014 22:51

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Jameme · 15/12/2014 22:55

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tinklykeys · 15/12/2014 23:03

Wow, it has never occurred to me that this is such a theme in popular films. All of you adoptive mums are just incredible, that's all I want to say really.
And also, as its Christmas, Jesus was adopted too! Might be a nice angle to share with your kids if you are so inclined...

JammyJimmy · 15/12/2014 23:07

Jesus wasn't adopted he lived with his mother and step father.

What's Peabody and Sherman like anyone? I have to say dd is still to little for despicable me but it has me bawling every time

Italiangreyhound · 15/12/2014 23:10

Thanks Jameme you have decided it for me, we will wait for the TV arrival of Paddington or dvd, don't want to face all that right before Christmas was ds, 4!

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tinklykeys · 15/12/2014 23:11

Oh I suppose you're right. I always thought of Joseph as having adopted him..Sorry.

Lilka · 15/12/2014 23:13

Actually Mr Tom came up twice for DD1. The first time the film hadn't been made yet, so it was just the book to contend with. Which is worse than the film, just without the injuries being realised in front of you

Italiangreyhound · 15/12/2014 23:13

Mr Peabody and Sherman is a bit disappointing and a bit weird. The trailer made it look really good.

Sherman is adopted by a dog, who he calls Mr Peabody! After some shenanigans a lady has to decide if Sherman can stay with Mr Peabody. Saw it last year with birth dd, then 9, would not take my 4 year old adopted ds to see it.

I think a tv recording of it or dvd film is better is worried because you can stop and ask questions if worried and it is just less intense than in a cinema.

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Lilka · 15/12/2014 23:14

The most adoption like story in the Bible is Moses as far as I can recall, and that's just not the kind of heartwarming tale you're looking for!!

Italiangreyhound · 15/12/2014 23:15

tinklykeys I read a lot about this 'Jesus was adopted' theme a while ago. It is interesting because of course the separation from birth mum did not occur and so I think it is really not at all a story of adoption but as JammyJimmy says, of a step dad.

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Jameme · 15/12/2014 23:16

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Jameme · 15/12/2014 23:20

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Lilka · 15/12/2014 23:21

We haven't seen Paddington, so thanks for the heads up by the way

Italiangreyhound · 15/12/2014 23:23

Jameme so tempted to make a joke here but will not, am a Christian don't-cha know!

Actually the heads up about Paddington is VERY useful because I do feel, as I say, in the cinema, all dark and big screen, it is more scary than in the living room on tv!

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blossom101001 · 16/12/2014 00:33

Stuart Little was my boys' problem. FC said it was their favourite, it was a bad mistake! I do not think we will be watching it again until they are much much more settled. They never ask for it anymore...We are big Toy Story and Bolt fans now.

I am unsure about the Paddington movie. They keep asking to see it as we have read the book and we found some Paddington statues around London. But as someone said the kids are much more open to books than movies.

mummytime · 16/12/2014 06:28

Could someone suggest some pretty "safe" movies? You know ones that you could just pop on on Christmas Day.
What about Mrs Doubtfire? Would that have a danger spot?

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