First of all, hello! I'm new to the forum and have found myself here after going through a very traumatic experience with AS.
My son was born on in 2013 and taken from my care at three days old. I never supported the adoption and cry for him every day, the whole experience has virtually destroyed me and has damaged my trust in our government and social services beyond belief.
The reason my son was taken from me was because his father had a history of being violent to his ex girlfriend. They had a daughter together who they had in their care for two years before she was removed and placed for Adoption due to witnessing domestic violence between the two. When I met this man who went on to be my sons father, he told me that he had a daughter who was removed due to her mother's lack of parenting skills 'after they split up' and he did not tell me about the violence or social services concerns about him.
At the point of falling pregnant he became increasingly controlling and I saw a different side to him, there were multiple occasions I had to call the police due to his "kicking off" and although he hadn't yet been violent he was definitely abusive. I decided that I would look into making arrangements to leave him safely.
During a midwife appointment early on I told her how I felt about the way the relationship had been, on that basis she referred me to social services who then came and visited me, I was 13 week's pregnant at this point.
When the social worker came to visit me she told me the real reasons his daughter had been taken into care, I was shocked, upset and angry having been told a completely fabricated version in the past. She asked me whether he had been violent to me, to which I replied no but he has been abusive in other ways, that was the truth at that point. I told her straight away that I don't condone any of what she told me and am prepared to move out of the town ASAP with their permission and help (I have very little family support and none of the family I do have lived in the local area). I was scared out of my wits by this point thinking these people were going to take my baby. I'd heard so many horror stories about social services in my local area alone to conclude that the chance of my baby being took was in fact real so I vowed to work with them whole heartedly and do everything in my power to keep my child in my care. I did everything asked of me including a drugs test which came back fine, permission to access my medical records and they requested I attending a parenting group to address my "lack of experience" with children and babies having been a first time Mum. I had to find a parenting course by myself unaided by them and despite the only one I was able to find being tailored to older children - I attended regardless desperate to prove my commitment.
The social worker I had didn't want me to leave town and made that very clear, she said not to worry because she can see many positives in my favour and that "she wouldn't have thought" my baby would be removed because "my case didn't warrant it" (sic). She then told me that she had already began her assessment and by me moving at that point it would "cause disruption to the case" (sic) - I swear those were her words.
When my child's father got wind of me leaving him that is when the violence began. I moved into a different house in the same area at 5 months pregnant and he wouldn't leave me alone, he attacked me multiple times and despite me banning him from coming to my home he did all of the time.
I didn't dare report him to the police because of how social services were now using those past police logs against me. The handful of times I had called the police on him in the past before falling pregnant were now being used as 'serious concerns' and so I was terrified to seek help from the police out of fear of social services using the new logs against me so I kept quiet, much to my regret of course but I felt incredibly backed into a corner by these people who were blatantly unsupportive and were writing untrue information about me.
They were writing in their reports that upon becoming involved i was 'minimizing' the violence by telling them in one meeting that he hadn't physically attacked me, when in fact at that point he hadn't - I had been completely honest with them and they were putting on paper that I was a liar and a deceiver, a perpetrator of domestic abuse as much as he was and saying they are concerned with the lack of support I had in the area. The latter was extremely contradictory as I had virtually BEGGED for permission to go and have my 'assessment' in the same city that my family members lived in.
The twisting my words and falsifying information continued throughout my pregnancy. At one point the social worker wrote in her report that I too had been a perpetrator of domestic abuse which was fundamentally untrue, there had never been any accusations of abuse or assault made against me and it took me going to the police personally to have this clarified to have it taken out of the report.
I felt bullied by them, I couldn't believe the way they were portraying me and as they are portrayed as an agency who's purpose is to Support families they had shown me no support at all, in fact quite the opposite.
They arranged a PLO meeting when I was 8 months pregnant and then held it without me present. My then-representative who turned out to be notorious for working with social services told me to take a seat in the waiting area of the town hall where it was being held and said she'd come and get me when it was time. She didn't. She told me after I'd been sat there over an hour that she took the initiative to attend the meeting on my behalf because the local authority were going to take my baby at birth and wouldn't be changing their minds therefore she didn't want me getting upset in the meeting. How utterly disgusting is that? I was literally tricked into not attending a meeting when it's purpose was to determine what will happen to my son once born.
I went into Labour two weeks early on a Saturday racked with stress. Not even twenty minutes after my son was born whilst I was still sat in my own blood and mucus a social worker who I'd never met before came into my room and told me she wanted me to sign a section 20 enabling them to take him into care, I refused. How intrusive and humiliating it was for me to have such a thing thrust into my face whilst trying to saver the little time I had with my darling boy who I'd already fallen in love with.
I called my legal aid solicitor, the one who stopped me attending the PLO and she came to the hospital on the Monday when the local authority were due to go to court to obtain the order. I had lost a lot of blood and was unfit for discharge so she asked me what I wanted her to say on my behalf because she would be attending in my interests. I told her I oppose the order and want my baby with me, I also said I'm prepared to agree to any and all conditions imposed by SS which would make that possible. She told me that she would definitely project my willingness to work with social services but warned me that by outright opposing the order would make it seem like I am not acknowledging their concerns and that I need to address them. realize how ridiculous that sounds now to agree to her saying this but being young, distressed and desperate for help I believed her and believed she had my best interests at heart so I eventually (after much persuasion on her part) agreed to allow her to say that I "do not agree but do not oppose" because I had been brainwashed into believing that it was my only hope of winning my baby back.
My son was appointed a foster carer who fortunately was great, she got to know me personally and strongly disagreed with social services projection of me and their intentions for my baby. Her views were ignored and when she approached the social worker and asked them to consider letting me stay with her and my baby in her house which would provide the safe environment that they claimed we needed in order to be together, they outright refused. They were refusing to explore the possibility whatsoever and the only reasoning they gave for this was that it was "against procedure".
Unfortunately for me, the child's guardian appointed to represent my son in court was the same one who represented my exs other daughter so she was instantly swaying toward adoption. Despite my case being a whole other case and me and my son being completely different individuals. She based her desire to have him adopted wholly on the historical information and concerns aired between my ex, his ex and their daughter. She too was adverse to the possibility of me parenting my son with SS intervention, anywhere under any circumstances because apparently the risks posed by father were too high and I'm unable to protect my son from significant harm should anything happen as I don't have adequate support.
None of the 'many positives' highlighted by the assessing SW at the beginning were mentioned now, instead I was being portrayed as somebody who simply cannot protect their child and doesn't deserve them. I had begged SS so many times for a support structure enabling me to look after my child somewhere his father couldn't find us but instead I was virtually forced to remain in the same town as him so they could conduct their 'assessment' whilst having had my requests for help in relocating rejected time and time again.
Meanwhile whilst all this was going on I was getting trouble from my sons father. He wanted back in and couldn't (or wouldn't) understand how damaging his selfish interference was to my sons case so made my life a misery at every opportunity. He had now physically assaulted me several times when told he cannot come back and I knew I needed to turn to the police for my own safety, I reported him for the multiple assaults and fled to a refuge in the area which was for women escaping domestic abuse.
I realized that I couldn't allow it to continue and that by keeping quiet out of the fear for SS could end up having my seriously hurt so I told the police everything and just why I hadn't reported him for the attacks earlier. Surprisingly the police officer told me that it wasn't the first time they'd heard of a story like mine with SS and they could completely see why I would be so scared about reporting it.
When SS got wind of the police logs and me being in a refuge they reacted exactly how I suspected they would, instead of recognizing that I now had a safe environment and support (with many mothers and children) they updated their report for the upcoming 'resolutions hearing' saying how chaotic my life clearly was and that it's in my sons best interest to be adopted.
Two days before the resolutions hearing my sons father and his mother who's a diagnosed NPD, sent an 'anonymous' letter to the sitting judge in a last ditch attempt to stick the knife in for what he later admitted was spite for me ending the relationship. In the letter were several partially nude photos of myself that only he (my ex) had access to and a note claiming that I am overly promiscuous (which I am not) and under no circumstances should I get my son back. Something acknowledged by all parties was how irrelevant this childish defamation of my character this was to the case but even so it was drawn reference to by SS to 'evidence' the fact that there is 'too much instability and conflict' for it to be a possibility to return my son.
e was approved for Adoption and 10 weeks later placed with his adopters.
The judge overseeing the case was seemingly sympathetic, he said it brought him no pleasure concluding with adoption and myself and everybody who knows me cannot believe that he did.
Looking back over all the documents filed by social services it's apparent that adoption was a preference to them and not a last option. They never tried to support me nor keep me with my son and did everything possible to have him adopted as a first resort. They lied, twisted and manipulated the situation to achieve their desired outcome and it is an opinion shared by all whom know me that they preyed on me because I was an easy target. I was a workable case and it was them who refused to work with me, now when I beg to meet with the people who have my son under controlled circumstances I am told that this cannot be. I know that this is because they don't want me to tell them the truth about my sons case and it's misconduct in case it affects their willingness to adopt him. I don't pose any threat and that is evident, but they are telling me that they refuse to so much as pass on a letter or permit a telephone call between me and the adopters making it absolutely impossible to gain peace of mind let alone closure.
I am not angry with my sons adopters, I know for a fact that they have been lied to. nor do I think that adoptive parents are bad people because contrary to my own case I have much respect for what you ladies and gents do, but it scares me how (some) social services departments can manipulate, abuse and betray vulnerable young ladies who can and want to keep their babies.
I'll never forget my son, and due to the nature of his removal I fear I'll never find peace. Despite posing no risk to my son I am robbed of the right to watch him grow up, but what's worse than that is the fact that he has been robbed of a biological mother who can in fact care for and protect him. The pain is unreal, believe me. I feel like I have been used as an unwilling surrogate, I have seen posts on here proclaiming how parents had received umpteen chances at getting it right before their child was adopted - that's no been the case with me and my baby, I promise you.
Had I been given a chance to take him Home and had I messed it up for myself I would not be on here pouring my heart out to a board of strangers. I was never given a chance and he was ripped from my life straight away, if they would have given me a chance I could have done it but instead my son is about to spend Christmas with complete strangers.
Please, please, please prospective adopters make sure you meet with the birth family to avoid taking on a baby like my son. I know there are many children who are better off being adopted because their parents are drug addicts, criminals etc but my son isn't one of those babies and I'm not one of those neglectful parents. Although social services do get things right they do get things wrong, I urge you all to look at forcedadoption.com before agreeing to take on a child who has never been abused by their parents. Please.
Thank you for reading