Social networking sites

[Ratracerunner]

My children's BM and BF have actually set them up Facebook pages, presumably for them to find when they are older.
Although they are in their original names and only contain toddler photos, I'm concerned about this and the possible impact it could have should they ever discover these pages.
Has anyone ever experienced this and if so did you raise the subject with them beforehand?
No point asking for the pages to be taken down - they'll just get put back up again.

Just reported your post jamfilter ;) Maybe they'll do that for us?

paulwellersjam - I'm with you!
There are some lovely birth parents here, and they give a huge amount to these boards. But every now and then someone new pops up and says hurtful, controversial things. Why, it's almost like they've come here on purpose. To shit stir.

Go on.... grass me up

Generally birth and adoptive parents co-exist peacefully on this board. In fact I would say that there is a sympbiotic bond between us with a weird understanding that others outside the adoption triangle tend not to understand.

I'm not sure separating birth and adoptive parents would have any effect as people who have strong opinions and the urge to voice them will always feel the need to educate adoptive parents about the error of their ways.

You can either thank them nicely for their insight (our normal stance) or tell them to fuck off (sometimes understandable) if they are being massively insensitive. There is no requirement to be polite just because someone has a birth family connection.

I took my child on a scary midnight ride to A&E with breathing difficulties once when he was 3. It really isn't possible to have been 10 times more scared than I was.

And yes Pink - sometimes we have to make decision in our childs best interests that isn't always favorable to birth family and sometimes we're selfish. And no I didn't adopt DS because I was on some kind of charity kick to give a neglected child a better life but because I wanted him desperately.

Just sometimes the posts on here make me cringe.

Paul - that one didn't.

My new hero(ine)

I don't think we should have separate areas for birth and adoptive parents. I think as an adoptive parent I can get a lot from hearing from birth parents but of course I do have a choice not to read the posts and not to comment.

I think the fact we can share thoughts can be helpful. Maybe we can help birth parents to see we are not responsible for social services' decisions. If I were to have said I did not want to adopt ds, then he would not have been returned to the care of his birth parents. I think maybe some birth parents feel we have more control over the system than we do.

And I also feel separating things would be an artificial constraint and those who wish to lob in comments rather than engaging with people would still do so; so a separation would not help.

I've just read blueandpinkpolkadots other thread. I'm not sure that people in a lot of pain can be expected to be very analytical about not conflating their own experience to every adoption experience.

blueandpink in a bizarre way I hope that you can take from this thread some comfort that we are every bit as fierce and protective and loving of our children as any birth parent would be. Because whatever mistakes any adults made to get to the point that a child is adopted, the least the child deserves is parents who think he/she/they are the most important thing in the world.