Writing our first contact letter to birth mother....help

[TrinnyandSatsuma]

Hi,

I started to write this letter and after two sentences I have writers block. Just got not idea what to write.

I am wary of anything too personal as she lives close to us. I am also mindful of her reading things like "he's doing well at school etc" and thinking we are gloating. I am over thinking it!

Can anyone suggest some good topics or starter sentences.....

Thanks

I wonder what the stats are for adoptive parents continuing letter contact throughout childhood and conversely contact from BP's back to the child?
We wrote our first one (apart from the settling in letter) at the beginning of last month and fully intend to carry on throughout our DD's childhood. We've had nothing back yet and really don't know if we will. BF has disappeared into thin air so CAFIS are keeping his on file until/if he reappears.
I'd love to know if the others have been received, we also agreed to contact with BM grandma and an adult half sibling.

DD has been with us for about 6 weeks now and we have just written our settling in letter for her birth mum. I think we are very fortunate - we have met her so we know who we are writing to. We also know that she loves her daughter very much and will be missing her desperately. I want her to know we are looking after her and loving her and doing our best for her. But what really helped me and might help other people too was to think about DD accessing her file and reading our contact letters in years to come. So I am also writing them to her really - almost a love letter for the future and as Barbadosgirl said also a record of her years. I hope when she reads them she will hear us.

As for stats, I used to judge other birth parents quite harshly who didn't write. And then my first letter had to be rewritten, and both it and the second was rejected because DD's adopters had changed the times they would accept contact (but no one told me so I wrote at Christmas/birthday as the court had said) and the third wasn't sent on because the letterbox co-ordinator retired. And, most birth parents aren't as persistent or perhaps as eloquent as I can be... And it took me until DD had been placed for well over a year to get anything through to her, and she was 6 when I last saw her so could definitely remember. Grrrr. Sorry that I always rant about that.

I think I'm reassured by MuseumofHam that it takes it out of you - me too, it takes me about 2 months of thinking, drafting, removing all the things I'm not supposed to say, asking friends who are either adopters or have similar age children to read and check I've got the tone right, to choosing the card and writing/drawing in it. But then... it's all I've got so I don't begrudge a minute.

The newsletter idea sounds really lovely to me. DD's adopters just sign off "Until next time" which really grates (they are too "distinguished, wealthy and recognisable" to meet me, grrrr) so avoid something like that unless you really can't.

LittleMiss, that's understandable when you put it like that, you poor thing, how frustrating. You can see why some BP's feel overwhelmed and just stop :-(
As for signing off, I wouldn't read too much into "until next time", it's a fairly common way of signing off a letter and at least it suggests that there will be a next time. We signed ours off "with best wishes, first name and first name"

Is this a bad time for me to admit that I judge adoptive parents who don;t maintain contact (unless for really good reasons like security and/or abusive contact back)

I must confess to feeling really jealous of the ability to keep letter box contact with a birth parent. I do understand the difficulty and I admire how much thought posters on this particular forum put into getting the letter right (on both sides of the coin).

I feel very childish about feeling jealous of something which causes so much angst but I so wish for DS that any kind of contact was possible.

I couldn't agree more Kew. I wish for both my daughters contact was possible but it just isn't.
I dread having to tell my youngest that one day and explain why

I never received a settling in letter. I didn't even know they existed. I have had to push and pester and take it higher before I actually sorted contact letters out. I always write back within the month however how soon they get the letter I dont know.

As I sit down to write this letter, my heart is overflowing with gratitude. Words are truly insufficient to express how grateful I am for the gift of your life and the privilege of watching you grow.

You are my child, but fate and circumstances meant that I could not give you the life you deserve. So, when I handed you over to your adoptive family, I did it with a heavy heart. However, I am comforted by the knowledge that they have given you the love, care, and support that I couldn't provide.

Every day, I pray for you and wonder about the person you're growing up to be. I imagine you exploring new places, making new friends, and achieving great things. Above all, I pray that you never forget that you're loved and cherished.

To my dear adoptive family, I can't thank you enough for all that you've done for my child. You welcomed them into your hearts and homes and showed them unconditional love. You're not just raising my child, but you're also raising them to be the best version of themselves. Please know that you're always in my thoughts and prayers, and I'm eternally grateful for all that you've done.

To my beloved child, know that I love you more than words could ever express. You may not remember me, but please know that I never stopped loving you. You are the reason I get up every day, and you inspire me to be a better person. I'll always be here for you, cheering you on and celebrating your successes. Remember that you're capable of achieving anything you set your mind to, and I'll be proud of you, no matter what.

Thank you for being the light in my life, for inspiring me, and for being my child. I hope one day you'll come to know me, and we'll create many wonderful memories together. Until then, please know that you're always in my heart, and I'll love you forever.

With love and gratitude,

Love birth mother

Hi @Opheliaas This is a pretty old thread. If you want to start a discussion you might be better off starting a new one. It sounds like you have been going through a lot, hope you are OK.
I'm wondering if you are maybe from the USA, as things in your letter point me towards that (in the UK relinquishing babies isn't that common and birth parents don't tend to hand babies over directly to adoptive parents.)
Hope you are getting any support you need. x

I'm fine thank you . It a letter my sister wrote to her child adoptive parents long time go . .
And I am from the 🇬🇧 UK.

Sorry I don't know how to start a new talk . I'm new on here