What is the oldest age for a child to be adopted?

[shareacokewithnoone]

I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be approved anyway but just out of I suppose idle curiosity how old is the oldest when it comes to adoption?

My friend adopted a 9month old baby at 44 or 45

The child, not the parent :)

There's no upper age limit (except obviously under 18) only 2% of adoptions were children over 10 so practically speaking thats very rare.

For "straight adoption" (ie. you don't foster, you find a child waiting to be adopted), the oldest children are about 12. My DD1 was 10 when she moved in.

There actually aren't that many waiting children older than 8. Once into the 9+ range, LA's are likely to go straight for permanent fostering and not try and find an adoptive home. It's also because older children are more likely to need to be full members of their birth family, even if they can't live with them. That isn't always the case though, and I've known other people to adopt children aged 9-12 and seen children of that age profiled for adoption in waiting child magazines/online.

I've never seen a child aged 13+ available that I can remember, the adoptions recorded in that age category are pretty much all step parent adoptions or foster carers adopting their foster children.

Why do you think you won't be approved? If you want to share, we could probably give you some advice about how likely SS are to take you on, and if there's anything you can do about any issues that might impact on whether you are taken on? There really aren't many absolute barriers to adoption.

But legally speaking, adoption papers have to be filed before the 'childs' 18th birthday. That's the limit for making an adoption application, so step families considering adoption need to be aware of that limit. As long as papers are in court by that point, the order can be granted up until the childs 19th birthday. However, marriage (of the child) is also an absolute barrier, so a married 16/17 year old can't be adopted either.

I know someone who adopted a girl of 16, together with her much younger brother (I think he was around 8 at the time).

Many thanks - interesting :)

Lilka where to start!?

No support

Unsuitable accommodation

Full time job

Single

I'm single as well. It's not an issue in and of itself, though it affects things like work and support

Support is a necessity, in terms of you having people (not necessarily family) you can talk to and who give you emotional support. Our emotional supports don't need to be living close to us, although even any one person who can come and have a coffee and a chat with you and give you a hug is helpful. Practically, not everyone does have people who can just pop in and run errands for them. But if there's anyone who can pop round occasionally, that's great. You need to know who can come down if there's an emergency. Child centred support networks tend to grow after adoption, as you meet people with children of similar ages.

Adoptive parents need to take (generally) between 6 months- a year off work (on adoption leave), then most single adopters are back at work either part time or full time (depending on their childs needs)

In terms of where you live, every child needs their own room, and the house/flat needs to be safe and healthy to live in. If you're renting, it needs to be a longer term prospect, so you aren't moving a child in, then moving again in a few months.

I know you may not be seriously interested in adoption, and there actually might be big issues. I'm not trying to convince people or anything. I usually ask because sometimes people have misconceptions about what is and isn't a barrier, so it's just checking that no one's ruling themselves out needlessly!

If anyone is interested in age stats, the Office for National Statistics publish adoption orders by age group, stats go back to the latter half of the 90's. Just remember that it's age at finalisation, not age on placement (some media always seem to misunderstand when they report their 'ONLY 60 babies were adopted last year' blah nonsense)

Lilka, I have DC but I feel that adoption/fostering is something I might want to do in the future. I was abused as a child, would that be an issue? Someone once said that it could be. Sorry to hijack the thread OP.

Hi and welcome daisy

This is a relatively common concern. Not all adoptive parents had trouble-free childhoods, and it's absolutely not a barrier to being approved for adoption. There are a lot of adoptive parents who have suffered abuse or neglect as children.

Your childhood and experiences are something that will come up in home study. How would you feel about discussing it with a SW? It can be very difficult to do so sometimes, but it's something they would want to cover in your assessment. They would be thinking about how abuse has affected you and might impact on you now, and also importantly whether it will impact on the children you could consider adopting. For instance (I'm just inventing a couple scenarios), if a parent was sexually abused as a child, how will they be affected by parenting a child who has also been sexually abused? Would it be too difficult to cope with, or 'triggering'? There are certain "positives" as well - a better understanding of abuse, which is totally outside a lot of people's experiences, a parent who was emotionaly abused might have a much better understanding of the effects it can have and be able to empathise more with their child.

There was a series on TV, years ago now, but it followed parents through the approval process, and after placement. One of the mothers had been abused as a child, and she talked a little about it and I think they filmed a little of her talking about it with a SW. That particular episode or two might be reassuring, though the approval process itself has changed a bit since then. If you're interested, the links are on the 'Adoption on Television' thread, series was called 'Love is Not Enough'

Lilka, I did acknowledge I wouldn't be approved, I don't have any support, I obviously didn't choose this so an extensive paragraph about how I'll need it is pretty painful to read.

Thank you, Lilka. I think I want to adopt/foster in the future because I was abused as I want to provide a haven for someone who needs it. All I wanted was a safe home, I could talk to a social worker about it but I am not sure how I would cope supporting them, I find it incredibly difficult to listen to the details of what happened to my sister for example. It is all hypothetical for now.

OP, I think Lilka was just trying to paint a picture of how different support networks could look and trying to help.

OP I do appreciate this is hugely emotive and sensitive, and no-one knows your situation better than you do yourself. But trust me, Lilka is the most generous staunchest supporter in the world of adopters/people thinking about adopting. She writes and shares her experiences to encourage, and really would never have been trying to do otherwise.

(I'm a single adopter too.)

I saw two children separately in "featured child" magazines who were 13. One was orphaned recently (single mum died of cancer IIRC) so had presumably had a happy well adjusted childhood, just no relatives. The other had a white but not British birth father (so possibly the BF was no longer in the UK and no other paternal family either) and was noted to be highly gifted (which made me think the LA might have been hoping he was more "appealing").

Upsy, thank you. I'm sorry if I sounded biting and caustic. I daresay I did and I apologise for that.

However, just as as adoptive parents you doubtless become a tiny bit prickly over some stuff, the same applies when you're in a unique but unenviable situation (which obviously I don't mean adoption is!)

In my case, I have no family. And yes I know support doesn't mean family but in practice it generally does. I have fantastic friends but I can't just call them at 3 am; I could have called my Mum. You know? So people saying 'you need support' 'okay I haven't got any' 'you NEED support' - obviously paraphrasing! - is painful and doubly painful for me as lack of family ironically means I won't ever HAVE a family.

So that's why I reacted snappishly.

I am really sorry to hear about your mum. You obviously miss her a great deal, and it sounds like the two of you were very close. Go gently on yourself, it's very hard

I'm sorry to have hurt you, I truly didn't mean to. And I'm sorry for your losses

Well no, I barely knew her as I was very young when she died, but I know I could have called her if you see what I mean! :)

Ah, I see. Doesn't make life any more straightforward for you now though, of course.

Take care, and I hope the age info from other, better-informed, posters was interesting/useful.

And yes I know support doesn't mean family but in practice it generally does

No it doesn't. I know at least two single adopters with no family support at all.

I have fantastic friends but I can't just call them at 3 am - if you think any of us call our family at 3 in the morning, think again!

I am close to my mum (geographically) and I have never yet called her when DS was throwing up at 3am, or when he was having a nightmare or for a doctors appointment - and I've been a single adopter for 8 years now.

Don't assume that lack of family means lack of support - I know people (adopters and non-adopters who have of necessity had to rely on friends and they have come up trumps.

In fact I am rather in a "sandwich" situation where my mum is aging and has been ill and I have a child young enough to be dependent still - there have been some tricky situations and it has been my friends who have come to the rescue... and they aren't even friends I knew before adopting, they're people I've met since through our children.

If you've decided that this isn't possible for you then I'm certainly not trying to change your mind but I wouldn't like anyone to be reading this lurking as a prospective single adopter and to think that lack of family is an insurmountable barrier. I know from experience it isn't.

"Idle curiosity"

Is there a particular story/situation that has made you ask?

No, why?

without wanting to put words in bberry's mouth I suspect because it's an unusually specific question to ask out of idle curiosity.

Normally people ask if its possible to adopt if they have depression, a rented house, one bedroom etc etc not normally about ages of children. Particularly as you seem to be sure that you won't be able to.

I suspect bberry is trying to tease out of you if there is something differnt that is really what you want to ask.

Yes kewcumber....right on the nose ??

Why do I ask, because given that you're adamant you could not be approved it's a very specific and unusual question to be asking... So I am just opening up the conversation incase you have Anything else you want to discuss

But as you said there wasn't then I guess my intuition is wrong

age 8 in my LA