stupidist things people have said to you when they have found out

[changedtoprotect]

You adopted

I will start the ball rolling

I adopted twins
Someone asked me if they were both adopted !

Agh, yes, "You're so brave". In other words: "You're nuts. Bad blood will out and s/he'll burn you in your beds one night, just you wait and see".

Angels - head tilt woman - what the F"!&8!! did you say to her. In private I would have wanted to tell her how crap that was but I expect i would not have had the nerve!

I am so lucky not had bad comments yet at all. Apart from an elderly aunt (who is lovely) but asked generally of adopted children 'What they had done to get themselves adopted' I KNOW she did not mean it like that. It was a bit like people who say of a woman, 'How did she get herself pregnant!"

Yes, the mind boggles!

I thought these kind of comments were over as I hadn't had any for a couple of years. Then this month two in a row... "You're so worthy"!!! and at a party being introduced to a total stranger "This is Kew, she adopted her son" I was too taken aback to say "did you have yours the conventional way, squeezed through your vagina?"

I haven't adopted just yet but one guy asked "don't you want your own"? . Yes, you f*ing idiot, my DS will be my own, born in my heart!. Just ignore it everyone, it's pure ignorance!.

MyBaby, we were asked pretty much exactly that question - at approval panel! I couldn't stop myself from replying 'yes, we do want our own. Just by a different route'. I think the asker was quite embarrassed ;)

I wonder how we can convey to friends and casual acquaintances that our adoption stories (and by our I mean our child's) are private?

I met a casual acquaintance out at a play place last week while I was waiting to meet another friend, so I did not want to get into a chat as was waiting for a friend, but she asked me if all was OK etc - which I said yes to. Then she just turned to her friends and told them I had just adopted, I was almost out of ear shot by this point and just felt really cross that total strangers knew something so personal about us as a family, which was totally unnecessary information. Later I sent an email to her and just explained we did not talk to people about it, it was hard because knowing a lot of other mums due to my dd many people locally know my son is adopted already, so I guess they presume because they know I will not mind their friends knowing. I wonder if there is a website that has 10 things adopters want their friends to know!

Oh look there is

www.parentdish.co.uk/mum/10-things-adoptive-parents-wish-their-friends-and-family-understood/

but it doesn't contain the phrase - "Don't tell everyone you know about our adoption!"

And the wine is missing from point 10

Someone In school playground when my DS started school " oh he's adopted -that makes sense now why you are so old"

LOL @bea

I'm really old and my youngest is bio not adopted

No one has had the balls to tell me I'm old, though, I'm obviously very scary

I'm nearly 50 and people are always asking me if I am pregnant (IBS bloating!)!

I remember being with my Mum and her two friends when I was about 15, talking about one of the friends nephew and wife who were in the process of adopting a child, the Aunt was a bit about it and said
'Well you just don't know what you're getting do you'?

She had totally forgotten that DBro and I are adopted, Mum and other friend and I just at each other and laughed, she wasn't the brightest of women.

This thread is just shocking. Some of the comments seem to have been made by complete psychopaths not people with normal human empathy.

Hi everyone I am shocked and appalled by some of the comments ive read. We are only at the beginning of the adoption process and my own mother come out with the worst comment ive heard so far. (in front of my in-laws) she said well in years to come my hubby wont need a DNA test to see if he is the daddy because you won't be the mummy either and stunned silence by everyone. When I told her how bad and upset we all were she apologised and said she wasn't thinking and meant it as a joke, but now realised how bad it was. Aaarrhhh at ignorant people x

Tula oh dear, poor you. and to be honest poor your mum because I can see that she really did not mean it nastily. People do forget how insensitive and crass comments can come across. Hopefully her embarrassment at the comment will mean she doesn't try and make jokes about your adoption plans again.

A few years ago, in yr 6 of primary school, DS told a small group (working with a TA) that he was adopted. One girl kept saying, " So that's not your real mum that picks you up? and, "She's not your REAL mum though, is she ?"

He was upset when he told me, he said he just wanted to be like everyone else, with just one mum... me.

I was upset that the girl had been allowed to carry it on for at least 10 minutes by the TA and that it was only the end of the lesson that had brought it to a halt.

Fast forward four years and that girl is one of DS's closest friends. We holiday with her family and spend a lot of our leisure time together. It wouldn't occur to her nowadays that I am anything other than my children's REAL mum.

With patience, some folks' attitudes can be changed

Although, it shouldn't take patience and, judging by some of the comments people have had to field, some folk are just too dim to get it!

I am very open about Dd being ours through adoption.

One time a very close relative Strikethrough: Sister was telling a friend I had adopted DD (I was there). They then proceeded to tell them, how lucky was it that DD was 12 months when she came to live with us, as I got to miss night feeds etc, projectile vomiting etc......I actually was so shocked I had to walk away.