Possibly found adopted daughter what next.

[boo666]

Hi my daughter was taken into care under the age of one and adopted 14 months later. I did not agree and fought it all the way. The thing is i have never given up hope of seeing her again one day and I think I have found her or the location she is in and the school she goes to. The problem is she is only 13 so have another 5 years before the adoption service will tell her I want to be part of her life. Is there anything I can do before hand if I think I know where she? Thanks in advance

See every situation is different and I do wonder if you would feel differently if the pictures weren't posted on Facebook (you could refuse to send any more because of this) and if you got letters back as well. It took me a long time to write my letter and as it was my first I was very emotional. They told me not to in future write them to my ds but to his parents instead (these letters are for him not them imo and are supposed to be able to be shown to him when older)

I (and my DDs) too would struggle to write to BPs more than twice a year. e.g. Feb-April not a lot really happens does it? So what could I say? Especially as we only want to say positive things (or negative things with a positive spin) so as not to upset / unsettle the BPs. Each letter takes 2-3 weeks for us to write, plus usually another 2 weeks to get anything from the DDs. So that's a whole month gone.

Also we do tend to get some unsettledness around the time of both writing and receiving (and some massive unexpected fallout after last one). Writing 4 times a year would seem too much I think.

Additionally, our letters are timed to not correspond with sensitive times like birthdays, Christmas, exam season. You can't really avoid them with writing more frequently than twice a year.

Good luck ourmiracle1106 :)

And I thought the rules had changed (2002/2003) that all adopted children are now suppose to be informed they had been in fact adopted?

Yes I never have had anything from her direct always written by the adopted parents :( now is making me wonder.

I will ask the adoption section if she has been told if they will give me this information?

Thanks

boo, adoptive parents have the same freedom to tell their children whatever they want to tell them that birth parents have.

But it is certainly true that adoptive parents are told they SHOULD tell their children honestly that they have been adopted, and why, and about their families of origin (in an age appropriate way).

I imagine that the vast majority of adoptive parents do tell, but of course it's possible that a number don't. It wasn't that long ago that it was thought kinder to the children not to tell them the truth.

I have been told throughout the process that my ds will always know he was adopted pretty much like I always knew my daddy went to sleep in heaven with the angels

I hope this is true otherwise at 18 when I ask social services for direct contact he will have a massive shock

I think it's very very rare these days for a child not to know that he or she was adopted. I don't know of anyone in RL and it's very unusual for someone to say this on Mumsnet too.

gymmommy I read your post and began to wonder if I've been sleep walking/sleep MNing - I could have written what you put. Thank you

Like KristinaM I don't know another adopted child (and I know quite a few) who doesn't know they're adopted.

To be honest I do know quite a few who couldn't be less interested at their age and some adult adoptees who only really started being interested in finding out more as an adult.

Miracle - treading carefully because I might have my facts wrong....is that how it works? I always thought you could just provide contact details and say you would be happy to be contacted. Is it more than that? I am honestly not sure and wouldn't mind knowing how it works.

Sharon, I don't suppose you'll come back to this thread, but could you bear to show just a little tact and class with where you post this guff?

Oh, and I've reported because I really think the OP doesn't need this.

Me too Devora. The insensitive idiot is everywhere.

I have been told that the contact agreement is negotiable. I don't actually have to even provide my address only an email or phone number so I can meet with the social worker to pick up my letters. However they do have up to.date address as well as I don't want to miss out on anything.

As a birth parent I am.also able to say should my ds ask to meet me later on etc that no I don't want to same as with letters not that I would ever say no unless I felt it was the wrong thing for our son.

Absolutely, you are an adult, they can't MAKE you do anything you don't want to. Ditto the adoptive parents and the child.

The only time it's compulsory is when it's mandated by the court as part of the adoption order,which is very VERY rare. As you woudl expect, the courts are reluctant to interfere with the right of parents to bring up their child as they see fit. Not do they wish to decide when a child is , say 2 year old,what is best for them when they are 14.

The same applies to other issues , such as the child's name , their education or religion. Parents have a right to decide these things for themselves.