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15,000 Kids and Counting...Episode 3

75 replies

Lilka · 17/04/2014 16:31

Tonight at 9, on Channel 4

The Transition

The final episode of the series charts the transition from familiar foster home to the unknown of new adopted parents

As reality sets in, adopters and the children alike discover that the prospect of learning to love and fit in to a family that were once strangers can be daunting, and the stakes are high, with both sides asking the same question: 'Will they like me?'

OP posts:
MerryInthechelseahotel · 17/04/2014 22:20

Very emotional watching Lauren. I hope it has all worked out for her and Liam. Difficult for everyone knowing they were being filmed. I would just seize up and say something ridiculous!

Velvet1973 · 17/04/2014 22:23

You always have it in your head how difficult it is for children but seeing little Lauren in that was just so real. I felt physically sick at how scared she must have been even though it was something good coming out of it. Bless her heart, I really hope her and Liam are thriving and settled now.

64x32x24 · 17/04/2014 22:27

I think I liked this 'episode' best of the series.

I was very surprised though when Lauren and Liam's foster carers sat there discussing how intros went and had felt to them, with Lauren and Liam's new parents, with the two children present! They were talking about them as if they weren't there.
Luckily the conversation may have transmitted the feeling that the FC were happy for the kids to be moving. So it made me wonder if it was a planned, choreographed discussion, for the children's sake? But I doubt it, I think they were just lucky they didn't go and say things that would make the children feel guilty for deserting the FC, or make them feel they had to earn their new parents' love by being good or something. It's great that the intros went so well and that the new parents and the foster carers related well to each other, but these kinds of conversations should not happen in earshot of the children! Or am I totally wrong here?

I liked how the programme really illustrated how big a thing it is for the children, be they 6 months old or 3 or 7. None of the 'here are your new parents, and they lived happily ever after' stuff.

excitedmamma · 17/04/2014 23:05

For me this was the best one - the most emotional one - I think I had watery stuff in my eyes for the whole hour.

I agree 64 x that I raised an eyebrow at the conversations about jealousy etc being done infront of the children - unprofessional I thought.

I also raised an eyebrow at the foster carer who asked Lauren (who up til then had only appeared excited) if she felt scared - as a previous foster carer myself I can sort of understand it - put a name to a feeling - but I did feel like it put some doubt in Lauren's mind and this did seem to play out in her... thankfully it all generally seemed very positive and I'm sure hope that things have gone really well.

I wish there were more social workers like Lauren & Liams... certainly a lack of anything like that in our LA.

For the record, my (a)dd is NOT BLUE EYED NOR BLONDE. Angry.. did anyone else pick up on that comment from the SW (although I did think she was brilliant in every other sense)

Well done overall jeffreyweffrey

Devora · 17/04/2014 23:14

What did she say about being blue eyed and blonde? [Ears pricked up because I am so flippin fed up of 'blue eyed and blonde' being used as a code for 'hugely desirable children'].

excitedmamma · 17/04/2014 23:14

I really sobbed at the point where Laurens FC told of her breaking down (some weeks) after the goodbye contact.

It must have been somewhat reassuring to see her cry in a weird way (as previously she hadn't cried or shown emotion) , but also heartbreaking to see her literally sobbing her heart out Sad.

I would love like in the other threads that the parents come on here and join the thread to let us all know how they are doing Smile

I do have to wonder though, about confidentiality in all of this - how must it feel for the birth parents to see this (if indeed they did/do) - to see the adoptors... I for one am sure I recognised some of the areas (streets even) as I'm a northern lass... I presume there is no safety concern but even so... to see your bc on tv in this situation? I again presume they had to get consent? Jeffrey Weffrey?

excitedmamma · 17/04/2014 23:17

It was early on in the programme and Lauren's SW said most adoptors want a blue eyed blonde baby Angry

Where exactly do all of these adoptors who have blonde blue eyed babies hang out?? I haven't met ONE yet...

Then again, I was always a bit of a black sheep.... baaaaa

MerryInthechelseahotel · 17/04/2014 23:20

I agree about the sw excitedmama she was very caring. I have never seen that in rl tbh.

namechangesforthehardstuff · 17/04/2014 23:21

'adopters all want blonde blue-eyed babies' Devora. But I would have thought you would have known that by now?

MaRyzerection · 17/04/2014 23:25

My poor children didn't even get an introduction week Sad

One day they were with foster parents, the next day they were handed over to complete strangers (us) and we were all left to get on with it.

8 weeks later a sw came out and said "is everything ok". We said yes, and that was it.

I feel so guilty now, the poor kids, how on earth did they cope.

I mean, I love them to bits, but how could anyone thing that was an ok thing to do to children? Just pass them over as though they were loaves of bread, or any other commodity.

MaRyzerection · 17/04/2014 23:25

Neither of mine have blonde hair or blue eyes, btw Grin

namechangesforthehardstuff · 17/04/2014 23:29

But more than that with the confidentiality. How can Lauren give any kind of informed consent to have her life displayed like this? I found that aspect of the programme really morally repugnant actually. Poor Lauren. Unable to even have a private moment of grief with her FC about losing her birth mother without that being shared with the nation.

MyFeetAreCold · 17/04/2014 23:46

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MyFeetAreCold · 17/04/2014 23:48

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namechangesforthehardstuff · 17/04/2014 23:52

And just wondering if, the process having been filmed, the new parents could have said 'no fucking way are you airing that' Which is what I would have said to you Jeffrey. And probably what you would have said if someone had wanted to put such personal stuff about your family on the TV.

MerryInthechelseahotel · 17/04/2014 23:56

namechanges I agree with everything you have said ^^

DaffodilDandy · 18/04/2014 00:16

I'm so glad others picked up on the all adopters want babies with blue eyes, blonde hair comment. DH had to leave the room at that point. I couldn't believe a SW had said that. Talk about adding fuel to the fire.

It incenses me that the implication is that adopters have a responsibility to adopt older children. Everyone has a responsibility to make sure children in care are found homes, not just adopters. To criticise the ones who adopt for not adopting the hardest to place kids is just madness. Why not criticise the people who don't bother to pick up the phone to the adoption agency?! Angry (can you tell I've been ranting about this?!)

I agree with you, Name, I felt v v v uncomfortable at the intrusion in such a private and difficult time for Lauren when she can't possibly have had any say in whether it happened or even any comprehension of what it meant. Whilst it was interesting, I was aware of how this is now 'out there' and she has no control over it. Sad

fasparent · 18/04/2014 10:44

Being experienced in fostering and adoption for over 38 years , can say without doubt , Many children are too young too express choice and too relate court decisions regards of any kind. Only later when they are older and more mature many will express their feelings and wishes. , some even opting out of agreements made for them or will want too fill in gaps in their life's with BP's etc. Problems which have too be address
with upmost understanding and sensitivity with children entering adolescence for example, can be very complicated and upsetting for Adoptive parents and their children. There is a need in the UK for professional support in these area's .

wonderpants · 18/04/2014 11:07

Throughout I have been uncomfortable that children and birth parents have been identified in this programme. Some have been so vulnerable that I wonder if informed consent is really possible. It was interesting however, but those of us that have been through the processes know that 3x1 hour programmes could never show it all. On the whole, I thought it was well done though!

Itsfab · 18/04/2014 17:48

I have mixed feelings. I feel Lauren's feelings were dismissed a bit by the SW telling her she didn't need to feel X etc. I know she was trying to reassure her but I would have wanted her to say It is okay to feel X but I hope you will be reassured by Y and that you won't always feel X.

I was in care. I see so many of the same mistakes being made now as they were in the 70s and 80s. It makes me sad, frustrated and angry. I know there have been improvements but I think more needs to be done to understand that how the child feels is forever. Being in care affects you forever whether the foster placement or adoption works out or not.

I really feel I would have a lot to offer in a SW, fostering or adoption situation but wouldn't have a clue where to start and feel the fact I am still emotional about things and haven't filed away a lot of stuff would go against me. I feel experience is more important than qualifications in some ways but I doubt anyone would agree with me.

WRT to children's feelings, ime there wasn't anyone to express my feelings too.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 18/04/2014 20:08

"I feel experience is more important than qualifications in some ways but I doubt anyone would agree with me."

Well, you do need qualifications but experience and personal qualities count for an awful lot especially during interview for a social work degree course.

I had (have?) some issues from childhood although I wasn't in care. I did have to work on them and used my access to SW course and the beginning months of my degree to continue to do so. I'm happy to chat via PM about the route to SW if you want?

Itsfab · 18/04/2014 20:13

That would be great, candy, thank you.

I think I would need to not personal things quite so much as I have found when you share something of yourself it goes against you.

fromparistoberlin73 · 18/04/2014 22:38

I really enjoyed (well maybe enjoyed is not the right work but you know what i mean) this series, a good old friend of mine recently adopted a sibling pair and its given me a real insight into what they went through. I have not spoken to her since, kind of wanted to let them settle in which is right I think (but sent a care pack/gifts of course).

I can help feeling this series has spun a more positive light, in that the kids got placed.

i loved anette, bloody great and really cared. i also loved the FC.

i do agree ref conifdentiality, esp for Destiny and her sibling though...

fromparistoberlin73 · 18/04/2014 22:42

lauren, god love her, really want to know it all has worked out

MiscellaneousAssortment · 18/04/2014 23:30

This last episode was really good. Just great social worker, great Fc, great adopters and a realistic insight into that poor little girls needs.

I wish they hadn't reassured away her feelings though :(