Is anyone watching Love is not Enough? Do you want to chat about it?

[Italiangreyhound]

Hi all

Is anyone watching Love is not Enough? Do you want to chat about it?

Love is not Enough : The Journey to Adoption and Life after Adoption

Love is not Enough is a series of programmes made by the BBC following the adoption process i in the UK. We follow 4 families from the initial interview stage through to the placement and beyond.

vimeo.com/album/2529993

No, it's Sarah (the inter country adopter) who dies and it is harrowing to watch. Not sure why you'd find the death of one mother unbearable to watch but not another.

I can't speak for Hels (she wouldn't want me to! ) but sometimes we associate more with one person than another. As a Christian I might associate more with the Christian woman, but actually I felt a connection to the international adopter as I had volunteered in Romania and we considered adoption from China. Maybe some people feel that connection to Barbara. Just guessing.

JustgotaniPhone - sorry, it came across wrong. I wasn't saying the death of one mother is worse than the other. I just wondered why they suddenly introduced Barbara and David and was trying to predict which episode the death happens.

Not sure I can continue watching - it is too close to home.

And I have also suddenly become paranoid about dying young, having just adopted my DS.

I watched them all yesterday as I've been stuck in bed with tonsilitis. Sarah was such a wonderful woman, I loved her quiet assertiveness, and the fact she genuinely felt things and expressed her feelings in a really constructive way. I I felt so sad for her and her husband, but he really came into his own didn't he? It gave me food for thought when he wondered whether he was getting a more rounded parenting experience because his wife was no longer around. I ought to get my old man to watch that really. I'd love to know how Al and Paula ended up. I liked them, but I had the sense that Paula was seeking ultimate fulfillment (through God, her children etc.) and wonder if she ever made peace with just being in the present. I also liked the Leeds couple, they needed some proper relationship counselling really though, didn't they? I think it was difficult for Linda to accept that her husband could love her but put the children first, and that is a part of parenting (through birth or adoption) that no one really talks much about, isn't it? I was a bit that so many of the parents gave time outs when the children had only just come to them. I imagine / hope that kind of thing is covered in training these days.

Hels, I have a bio-child who's 7 and I haven't adopted, but I would say the paranoid about dying suddenly feeling is something all new parents experience. Something about being a mother and the responsibility that entails opens up all kinds of vulnerabilities, doesn't it. The likelihood of you dying before your boy is an adult are teeny, try not to dwell on it.

Thank you for linking to this. I remember the series when it was on and I often wonder how things turned out for the Christian couple, and for the man who was widowed. I can't get the episodes to play on my phone but I will watch when I get a chance.

So I have watched the first five now. Gee - poor, poor Shaun. I am not surprised Linda and her husband wanted to adopt him at one stage. This must have been so hard on him - the foster parents seemed to explain it well to him but I think it was incredibly hard on him, and Linda and her husband.

I loved the honesty of Paula - refreshing. Going from zero to one 2.5 year old was tough for me. Going from zero to 3 under 6 - oh my word! I wish we could find out how all the children fared - and I hope poor Shaun found the right family.

I liked Al's mother - "You'll be the parents. I'll be the back up." I am lucky that I have great family support but I know that not everyone does - and it does make a difference I am sure - especially in those first few months.

On to the last 3...

So finally watched them all. I thought it was great that the BBC went back 2 years later to see how everyone was getting on - although disappointed they didn't include Barbara and David in the "catch up" (maybe they didn't want to take part).

Firstly, thank you to Lilka for going to such efforts to find all these programmes.

Secondly - how amazing that these people allowed themselves to be filmed - and quite intrusively at that.

I think everyone was pretty honest - Linda and Tony had obviously really struggled. The fact she used the naughty step seems outdated in adoption now - I am sure SS would frown upon it. Her comment about how, if she had done X, she would have got a beating was interesting - as though she felt the punishments she was dishing out were fine because they weren't as bad as what she got. I agree with some of the earlier comments on this thread - that she perhaps hadn't properly got over what had happened to her in her childhood. I wonder, now, if SS would encourage her to go to therapy before she adopted. She also really wanted to be loved by the girls - reminded me of me! Definitely when DS first came to live with us, I felt unloved and that DS far preferred Daddy.

What a tragedy for poor Sarah and Mark - but how amazingly resilient Mark was. I wonder how they all got on. Mark really grew on me - the first time I met him, I thought he was a bit arrogant etc - but by the end, I was just in awe of him. He held it together brilliantly - his pain reminded me of the pain I have experienced. I liked that he realised he had to adjust his working life.

As for Paula and Al - the children seemed happy but I was surprised that Paula had such an intense longing for a baby - and it seemed to grow after she adopted (though I understood that she wanted a baby as they couldn't adopt older than the other children they had adopted). Sorry - that sounds wrong - I am not surprised that she had an intense longing for a baby but that it hadn't been dealt with before she adopted. Again, I think SS would probe that far more now (although reading the government report on adoption disruption, it seems a fair few couples lie about having stopped fertility treatment when they are going through the approval process).

An amazing and thought provoking series.

Where are you all watching this??? I can't find it on google!!!

Hi Faith, the link is in the original post on this thread from italiangreyhound.
vimeo.com/album/2529993
Hope that's worked as iPads seem to have a mind of there own!

Hi I can assure you that within a couple of months we had settled down and teething problems were solved. I can say that the girls have had a very happy upbringing and grown to beautiful girls :-)

I've watched all episodes in a couple of days when Lilka posted the links (THANKS Lilka!)
I really loved the Christian couple... They reminded me of me and DH quite a bit The couple adopting internationally, I loved the mum and was heartbroken when she died, I really disliked the dad though... He seemed really cold, his only care was his own family. I'm glad they set u a fund for their son's little brother, but I got the impression he only did it to appease his wife...
And the introductions with the two sisters where the little brother would not be placed with them was the most heartbreaking thing I have seen in adoption programmes (and I've watched everything.) Poor Linda and Tony, I would be in bits. Glad it turned out ok for him, but at the tme there were no guarantees and it just seemed so cruel, the way social workers handled it!

I totally agree with you :-)

The girls have had a stable, loving and happy childhood, they have grown into 2 beautiful young ladies and we are so proud of them :-)

Lindascgirls is that you from the programme? I loved the programme so much. I thought it was a very good and clear look at adoption and may well have helped me on my journey to be an adoptive mum myself!

Paula from the programme has a blog. Hope it is ok to post details here.

paulacoatesblog.blogspot.co.uk/2011_01_01_archive.html

Sorry can't get link to work but should be able to find it if anyone wants to know how things turned out for them.

Sorry above link working now :)

You know, I've just realised I've been following her on Twitter for ages without twigging that she's the same mum from the program.

Oh my goodness, how amazing.

Just to let you know the girls have grown into beautiful adult/ teenager who are loved so dearly, We had no more issues than any other family. The programme shows only a snippet of what we actually did and said.

Hi yes it is. I wish you all the best in your journey, Glad you enjoyed the programme it was not an easy thing to do

Lindasgirls well done for being a part of the programme but most of all for the fabulous job you did of adopting those lovely girls.

We are about 4 months into adoption of our little boy and have a birth daughter too. It is not easy, jealousy is the big issue for us. But it is working out well.

All the best.

Lindasgirls Thank you for being part of the program, my husband and I are just getting a few things in order before we start the process, so watching you and your husband and the other families be so bravely honest about things has been scary/exciting/humbling all in one!