Frustrated and Angry

[tinkerbellpixie]

Well it looks like round 2 is going to go pretty much the same way as round 1, but on first medical it looks like my dr messed up the weight for Dp.
Now seeing as it was Dp's weight that was the issue last time it looks as though we have not even tried to loose the weight. But dp is not unhealthy by any streak he has type 2 diabetes which is exceptionally well controlled and high blood pressure due to the diabetes but he eats healthily and exercises and is currently renovating his dads house so we have a family home. His Bmi is 51

tinkerbellpixie good luck. I have been having CBT type counselling for food issues and it is totally liberating. I really hope it works for you too.

I am so sorry you were called fat at a public meeting. I would have hated that and could easily be called that. As Kew points out being overweight or having a higher BMI are not limits to adopting but there is a limit to how high it can be and you just have to work with the professionals (whoever - doctor counsellor etc) and keep social workers on side. And please put the past in the past and move forward from here as someone else said, because if not it may affect how you feel and spoil your chances.

Social workers (as we all know) are only human and make mistakes and say silly things so please if you can forgive that person and move on.

I also agree with Kew that comparisons with sports professionals is not helpful. Just work on the problems. I too am not a reed but I am making efforts and moving forward, as you are, so try not to lose heart.

All the very best, I will pm you. And do pop onto the BMP thread and update us if you wish to,

good luck with weight watchers.

BMI not BMP!!!!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/adoptions/1729438-Lowering-a-BMI

tinkerbell - nasty PM's are not on and should be reported to MN but please listen to those of us who have been in your position.

For the avoidance of doubt - I have in the past had a BMI of around 50 and am currently probably around a similar BMI to you.

QOD - having one partner BMI around 35 and one within 18-30 probably wouldn't merit more than a "nanny strict" type lecture from panel/social worker/medical advisor. But one partner at 35 and one at 50ish would be taken as seriously as any other risk factor, combined with diabetes it would be considered very carefully indeed.

Adoption is often an exercise in how much you want it and many of us have hit problems along the way and I recall very very clearly the sick feeling when I hit this particular problem myself. But once the initial shock is over the only thing you can do is fight very hard to do the best you can to address the problem.

The social worker/LA/doctor etc can be as rubbish as all hell but the only thing you can control is what you do.

OP, I understand the need for some restricted diets because I, too, have a restricted diet and part of my required preparation for adoption was to learn to cook meet. It still makes me gag.

However, in the context I mentioned it I meant that if you / DP haven't lost weight before placement then your child will be in an environment where calorie counting and weigh-ins at WWs will be the norm (although getting to a WW meeting may be no more than a dream when small person arrives) and a child who has probably suffered neglect / food deprivation / almost certainly expresses emotional need and want and control via food should live in a home where food isn't an issue: it's just what you eat to give you energy and enjoy the sociable time around the table. Perhaps think how you could make sure that if you are both on calorie controlled diets you wouldn't let the philosophy of calorie counting rub off on the child.

And why not gain a bit of muscle? Lift a few light weights. Muscle has a higher metabolic rate than fat so the weight will come off more quickly if you have more muscle.

I am writing from an informed position on weight control, health, medical issues etc. but not from the emotional aspect. Italian is your woman for that. She explained the issues around self-esteem, comfort and such to me really well because I didn't get it. A mentor like Italian (not volunteering you hun) might be just what you and DP need.

Please do remember that the adoption process is full of seemingly ludicrous hurdles but the WHOLE process is child centred and, to adopt a child, that has to be the frame of reference of your life.

Good luck on your journey.

of course it is possible to get approved mummy - I did as a single parent but there are complicating factors:

• diabetes (albeit controlled)
• partner also overweight although 35 ish which isn't the end of the world
• GP/panel attitude

In my experience some panels/medical advisors are MUCH hotter on weight being a significant issue than others. I live in an area where there is a much lower than the national average problems of obesity (eg not one of DS's class is overweight and probably only 1 or 2 children are overweight in the whole school). People generally seem to perceive being overweight around here as being a much bigger problem than it is seen elsewhere. I have no idea if this is the case with tinkerbell.

I do agree with you though that what panel want to see is ownership of the problem and a concerted attempt to tackle it.

Velvet -you say that you can't exercise any more than a brisk walk as you don't want to put on muscle. This is nonsense -if you want it get healthier you need to lose fat and gain muscle.

I think you are vastly under estimating how much and what kind of exercise you would need to do to gain a lot of muscle and look muscular.

It's also easy to vastly overestimate how many calories you burn up on exercise. Your 45 min walk probably burns up the calories that are in one Starbucks latte and a small kit Kat.

That's why it's very VERY difficult to lose weight by exercising alone. You need to dramatically cut your calories.

Please understand , I am sympathetic to the food issues as I am gluten free. And I also have a medical condition which makes it hard to lose weight. But being in complete denial about the facts of food and exercise won't help you achieve your goal.

Kristina it's a good job I don't have Starbucks lattes or kit kats then! I'm extremely aware of my fitness levels and calorie intake are. I use a mobile app to log everything, my average daily calorie intake is 700-800 (far too low I know to lose weight but as everyone keeps telling me to eat less and do more it's kind of hard to get over that one!). My resting pulse rate is 62 which is the fitness category below athlete so please don't make comments about doing high level intensity exercise to lose weight when you are not in possession of the full facts. Most if the more recent studies have shown regular brisk walking to be the best form of exercise and as I have a ruptured disc in my back I'll stick to what won't do more damage.

Velvet -you say that you can't exercise any more than a brisk walk as you don't want to put on muscle. This is nonsense -if you want it get healthier you need to lose fat and gain muscle.

I agree Kristina. Velvet, this is utter, rank nonsense. Exercise raises the heart rate which burns fat. To burn fat you need to do proper cardio vascular exercise. The other effect of CV exercise is that existing muscle that you have will be damaged and repair itself, becoming leaner and more efficient in the process. This will raise your metabolic rate and make you look slimmer.

CV exercise does not create new muscle. It does not turn fat into muscle. Muscle also, incidentally, does not 'weigh more than fat' in case you think it does. Getting fit will not make you develop muscle you did not have before.

It takes a huge calorie excess plus intensive body building training (weights) to build new muscle. It's a slow, difficult and most of all deliberate process. It doesn't happen when an overweight person does a bit of cardio vascular exercise.

You are also undereating really seriously and your metabolic rate will have slowed right down to compensate. Eat more, 1200 calories a day minimum, and exercise. Brisk walking is fine obviously but you are demonstrating a lack of knowledge that will hinder your weightloss.

How am I demonstrating a lack of knowledge? I haven't said muscle weighs heavier than fat. It doesn't and I'm well aware of that fact. I'm also well aware of 1200 calories being my target it's just convincing my brain of that fact when everyone tells you that you're overweight because you eat too much. I'm fully aware that my past eating habits more than 10 years ago made me fat, I'm also fully aware of what it takes to lose weight ( I did lose 5 stone and although my recent couple of months of not exercising and eating what I normally wouldn't eat put a stone of this back on) I know what I need to get it off again. I am fit and healthy bar the disc problem which was caused by my sedentary job.
I've been a member of slimming world for 5 years and missed 3 meetings whilst on holiday.
So I really struggle to see how I am "demonstrating a lack of knowledge".

just half an hour-to an hour of brisk walking as anything more adds muscle which I don't want

well that's not true. And limiting your caloric intake to under 1000 a day in the belief that it will help you lose weight is also incorrect.

Tinkerbell how did you get on today? I hope it wasn't a repeat of last time for you and you feel more confident going forward?

Tinkerbell how is it going? Crazykitty has volunteered me as a 'mentor'! Not sure I can be a mentor just yet but very, very happy to support you in any way. Please do pop onto the www.mumsnet.com/Talk/adoptions/1729438-Lowering-a-BMI and let us know when things start to go in the right direction.

Velvet well done on loosing 5 stone, great news.

Thank you Italian. I hope my post to Tinkerbell wasn't unsupportive or unhelpful as I really do get what it's like to have that constant battle of bmi. You definitely sound like you've got a real insight with the CBT and would make a great mentor.
I really hope Tinkerbell got on ok today and got support this time instead of that awful behaviour last time.

This prep day was brilliant, we are going to start a diary and record weight each week using the scales in boots which print it out. And if we can demonstrate a great ethic to weight loss etc it should be ok.
I had a bad experience and it was that and I can't change the past but I can change the future! We also came away from prep thinking more in depth about things too that were not even brought up on the last course.

I have a lot of reading and more clearer about things as well especially ecomaps and a few questions in our workbook

You sound much more focussed tinkerbell. I'm glad the prep day went well.

Glad the prep day went well Tinkerbell, if only these people would realise what a difference some support and encouragement makes. Onwards and upwards. Good luck with everything.

Sounds like it was a good day. All these troubles will be a distant memory when you have your little one asleep upstairs

Tinkerbell that is fabulous, you so sound so much more positive.

Good luck. I really hope things go well and you will find as it goes along it gets easier and better.

Velvet, I think your post was very supportive.

I hate to use food imagery here!!! But the proof of the pudding is in the eating!!! and so when we all get on our various scales we will see (I hope some differences) but even if we do not see it straight away we will hopefully see it in attitudes to food.

I just posted this on my BMI thread and thought I would share it.

I think it is thinking about food, and taking food (buying it or ordering it etc that leads to eating it!). For me it is often my hands as well as my mouth that are the problem, my hands bring the food to my mouth! Actually it is the brain that starts it all off! Which is why I feel being in a good emotional place is so helpful.

This makes me laugh, because it is so true of so many of us....

www.traileraddict.com/over-the-hedge/humans-and-food

Pudding. Mmmmmm.

I didn't leave room for pudding tonight. I feel hard done by now.

I don't like pudding, am a savoury girl! Plus chocolate, that is more like air than food!

This is not helping!!!!