On to Stage 2 - what sorts of things do SW's want to know?

[tsfp]

Hello! We had a call yesterday to say we are through to stage two (a month quicker than we thought so thats good!) but all day I have been thinking about what sorts of things the SW's want to talk about over the next 4 months. I often hear people say its intrustive but I can't think of anything about my life they could ask that would bother me... and I can't think what they might ask...

Any advice from Adopters/people in stage 2 would be appreciated - don't want to be thinking about it too much but can't help it! ha!

Hello all! We finally had our 1st social worker meeting yesterday seen as our panel date is 3 months tomorrow this is quite a quick process!!

I think I understand what people mean by intrusive. It wasn't. In fact it was fairly pleasant but afterwards I felt a bit grumpy and odd. Mainly because I didn't like a stranger asking me questions and not being able to ask questions back! And also there was some things about our dogs mentioned which made me uncomfy. They can't ask you to give your dogs up but they can back out of the adoption if they think they're dangerous (which they aren't and we've had a behaviour report done already!). Like I say it was nice but it was weird.

Still trying to find a book about loss. Lots around have loss sections just haven't got to read those bits yet! Ha!

Hi tsfp, hope you don't mind me asking, but how have you managed to get a panel date before you've met with your social worker? Just interesting to see how different la and va's work.

Also, if you don't mind, what did they mention about your dogs? Just curious as I have three and it does worry me that people on the panel might not like that.

Don't answer if you'd prefer not too tho, I'm just curious

Hiya mrsM happy to reply!

Truth be told no idea why we have our panel date before we met sw but they said we were in stage two on March 7th and we were told it takes 4 months - it just took a while for them to organise the social worker.

The dog thing concerns me as it probably does you too - they're my family! She said they have a form you need to fill out and they like to know you're making plans for the child/ren to live harmoniously. They will be concerned about 'dangerous' breeds and might want a behaviourist in to see how they are. I said we had made plans to keep them seperated and are spending time with our dogs and small children to see how it goes. I'll keep you informed if you like!

A useful practice note from BAAF www.actionforchildren.org.uk/media/4514477/baaf_dog_families.pdf guidance]] . Thankfully our SW was a dog owner and Happiestdog was on his best behaviour whenever she came :). We did get asked about him at panel - how did we think he would react to DD. We took all the necessary precautions; in fact the only genuine concern was that DD could be allergic to dogs, rather than a worry about any aggression.

we have 4 dogs and the social worker was able to see them around children.. we had a pet behaviour form to fill in and a letter from our qualified dog walker... this was sufficient in our case

I think they are looking for a sensible approach to handling family life with young children & dogs - how it will affect the family, living conditions, cleanliness...

Don't forget that when the child is first placed with you, they are technically still in care and therefore the VA/LA are responsible for placing them with you - and so need to be sure they are not putting the child at any risk.... (obviously, long term risks too)

Thanks guys, that's reassured me on the dog front. Out social worker loves our dogs, and we have completed our baaf dog form so hopefully things will be ok. Yeh they are part of our family.

I'm not sure which stage were at really, we've never been told of an actual stage. Did prep groups in jan and have been meeting with our social worker most weeks since January. Have had our medicals done, she has met our referees and our parents. She has received my pvg back, still waiting on my husbands. At our last meeting she said that once she received that she was gonna apply for an earlier panel date (at the moment it's July)

Our sw isn't a dog person I hoped we would get one as my entire family is dog mental. However she was understanding of dogs (I think you have to be a dog owner to know the connection they have to you). We have made a dog toilet area gated in our garden got baby gates everywhere and dog crates, and a wooden pen thing that you can move to fit different places to give them space. I've also had a behaviour report done, printed out loads of 'dogs as positive therapy' articles, breed profiles for both dogs and got letters from other dog walkers/people with children who have interacted with the dogs. Covering all bases!! Apparently something like 80% of foster carers have dogs!!

MrsM I think we are in the new process which circles heavily around stages. Stage one was all paper work. (2 month deadline) Stage two is all the visits and 1st panel. (4 month deadline) Stage 3 is profiles, matching, introductions etc.

Our sw asked as a set of a few simple questions and let us run with it if you understand what I mean

So she would say tell me about a fun moment in your childhood

Or how did you a Greg meet

Tell me about a recent argument (I didn't choose the one were I threw a shoe)

She just let us chat it was very informal tea and sandwiches she took her shoes of got comfy of the sofa

She just wanted to get a feel for us and see how open we were I think if your sw likes you that's half the battle at that point it pretty much yours to loose

Hi fusedog - not 100% sure sw liked us! She laughed when we did but it seemed sympathetic rather than she thought anything we joked about was amusing! I don't think she disliked us - more we were another couple to help "to get to our goal" her words, she certainly didn't seem to want to get comfy and made an odd comment at the end when I asked if she had everything she needed for the day, she said "not really no but I tried". Hope it doesn't hinder us if we didn't click with our sw!

Hi all,

Just thought I'd stick my nose in with dog stuff. We have two large dogs who I was terrified would show us up and make the SW run to the hills... However, she turned out to be a dog person, and the dogs were (relatively) well behaved. The dreaded pet questionnaire I was so scared of turned out to be a list of really basic questions about where they're registered, vaccinations, routine, if they use the garden for the toilet etc, changes we'll make for when we have kids, and then a description of their personalities.

We have an area of the house downstairs which is dog only so that when things get too much for them they can go and relax there, and they will have free run of upstairs (the child/ren won't be allowed access to the twisty narrow stairs unless we're with them). I got the impression that they just want to know that you're sensible dog owners, and have thought about the realities of having children and dogs.

At the panel we were jokingly asked how we thought the dogs would react to having a small person/people in the house, to which we replied that they'd be delighted as it would mean food on the floor, and an increase in attention and playing.

tsfp don't worry too much about not clicking with your SW straight away - I am sure it'll develop over time. I am sure we were more standoffish to start with, now though I'll tell her anything!

Daffodil - that made me feel loads better - I read it out to my husband and he agreed! I am sure SW didn't dislike us but perhaps we need to click a bit more as we go along - I'm sure its not a mega big deal if we don't become BFF's!! Also with the dogs - her being not a dog person shouldn't affect that we have thought loads about kids and dogs getting along and done loads of legwork to that affect!

Cool!

With the pet thing, we had same and had to sow we could keep child safe, that tico wasn't dangerous etc. They're looking mostly to see that if it came to a choice between the pet and the child you'd put child first. People have had to rehome pets after adoption but think it's rare.
Only thing no-one had mentioned is finances we had to show bank statement s, bills, budget etc and show how we'd finance time off Work. Also how much leave can you take from work and would you go back full time, my kids wouldn't cope with me being ft even now they're school age.

Tsfp, I am glad it helped! I definitely don't think you need to be BFFs, and I actually think that might hinder the process if you were because I'm sure there will be a point when you need to say something that you might not want to to your BFF. Having said that though, we really get on well with our SW, she's lovely, but it did take time to fully open up to her. In fact we discussed this issue a few weeks ago and she commented that it'd be more worrying if someone spilt their guts on the first meeting rather than establishing a relationship and trust first.

Re. money: we were the same as Cosmos, we showed our SW bills, mortgage statement, pay slips etc. (no bank statements though), and we worked out our monthly income and outgoings. I am already at home full time so our finances weren't such an issue because they won't be changing post placement and so it was more verifying that we weren't in debt, and had been honest about our household income. I know people whose finances will be changing post placement have to show that they'll be able to afford a drop in income, but a simple spreadsheet should be enough for that.

Cosmos, that's what we understood it to be with the dogs and after I said 'if the child and the dogs were incompatible for whatever reason it would be very different but we wouldn't get rid of them before that point' she said 'by then it would be an incident and an incident is too late' which I understand but was a very negative view to take.

Finances I work from home a few hours a day designing wedding stationery/illustrations and she said id be expected to give it up but I'm self employed I've worked my butt off for 4 years building my business and for the sake of 5-10 hours a week (which will be when husband is around) I can't see why I should give it up! She said I needed to be available while the child slept ready for when they wake up so I couldn't work then? She also commented we at on bad money when we are on more than most people we know! I am very organised financially so already have those figures to hand which is a positive.

Maybe I'm just being over sensitive. I just don't want to get a no at panel!!

I don't know what to suggest about the finances. Maybe agree that you intend to give up work, but then see how things go? You might indeed find that you're unable to work, but you might also find that it's fine. I think they just need to hear that you'll do whatever is best for the child - so if it really won't be practical for you to be working, you will give up work etc.

It's really easy to be sensitive - I was the same at the start. I was convinced that every little issue would be the one to prevent us from being approved. Just try to relax and go with the flow - focus on the end aim, not the little issues on the way there.

You shouldn't be expected to give up your career, but there is an expectation that the child's main carer will take a year off work.

I do know someone who went back to work a few days a week after six months, this was pre final adoption order and she and her husband had an awful lot of trouble with their sw as a result.

If it was an actual job I see that but I'm an illustrator. I sketch things on a note pad then paint and pop them on the computer then it's all done and I can do it when husband is home so it won't be an issue. I am planning On taking less work but I can't let my business fade away!

All day I have been convincing myself for an assortment of reasons we won't get approved and that sw hates us. Too much time on my hands today I think. Stupid mind playing games! I need to do as you say daffodil - relax!

Anyone know how many times you get a no from panel? I'm sure it's a pretty low percentage?

You will have to take some time off-that at least is for certain. No panel will approve you if you don't. Adopting saps your energy emotionally and physically, you will be astonished at some of the tasks that you will not have the inclination to complete.

The number of people approved/not approved varies. The first hurdle to cross is to be recommended by your assessing sw/adoption agency. If they recommend you for approval, then your chances of being approved are high. If, after assessing you, your sw decides not to recommend you for approval, your chances if being approved drop quite a bit. Not unheard of to still go to panel and be approved, but that is far less likely an outcome.

Thanks happysunflower - yes I realise I will have to take time off and I certainly wouldn't be expecting to do anything more than an hour every now and again for the first year just to keep my toes in. It's hard because it's my own business and if I don't keep it going I have no one else to!

I didn't realise the sw had to pre approve us for panel no one has mentioned that. Makes me feel even more worried. I'm sure I'm just being stupid! But I just get the feeling we didn't get on! Ah well. Panel is 3 months today so we will have to see how it goes.

They wouldn't have prioritised you for assessment if they didn't see potential in you to become parents through adoption-so please don't lose heart :) after all, not everybody gets to the point you are at right now!

If you're really not planning to do more than an hour here and there I would be careful if and how you communicate that tbh........