Does this happen in the Uk?

[2wwmadness]

Granted I've seen it in the movies. But in America, I think that you can advertise yourself to adopt. Bm who want their children adopted can pick you, interveiw you and choose who they want their baby to go with. Im not explaining this well but the film JUNO shows what I mean. Do we do that in the Uk?

Lilka I will look into that. We havnt made a decision yet. We are just doing research, I feel that there are so many children in te world without stable families then I could help one of those before bringing another into the world. I know it's quiet self richous (sp?!?) of me, but with the world the way it is at th moment, I'm not sure I want to bring another life into that. But I'd a child is already here, I could be a great mother to it

Bloody I phone sorry! And thank you for everyone's responses x

2wwmadness - to adopt a relinquished baby, you go through the exact same process as you would any other child that was removed, so start by phoning your LA or any VA's etc. Because of the time to get through court, a relinquished baby will probably be a few months old at least by the time it is moved to an adoptive family. You are researching adoption, but do you want to adopt a younger child (0-3 ish) in particular? If you want a younger baby, have you considered concurrent planning? You get approved as a foster carer and adoptive parent, and you take in a young baby, where it is considered more unlikely that RU will occur. I think about 15% of the babies or similar are reunified, but the rest are adopted by the family. Obviously if you want a sure thing, it's not an option, but it might be otherwise. Or would you consider an older child?

I don't think it's self-righteous to want to provide a home to a child who needs one. Obviously, it isn't a good idea to adopt ONLY to 'save' a child, you also need a strong desire to be a parent. But many of us wanted to open our homes to a child in need, I think it's one of the key reasons people do adopt other than infertility

2ww - if you are considering adoption in order to give a home to a child that needs one. Then (without wanting to sound too blunt) I really wouldn't bother because in this coutnry there are way more happy prospective parents waiting than babies needing adoption.

Those children who need you have additional needs or are older or are a sibling group. I would quite understand you not wanting to deliberately take that on (though as others have pointed out you kinda do sign up to that being a greater possibility with adoption anyway).

Just to point out the other truth that the reason so many Americans look overseas for adoption is that the private adoption system is notoriously unreliable with the mother (quite rightly) able to change her mind up to the point the child is placed in the adoptive family and none of the expenses paid can be reclaimed.

The system here is very far from perfect but the same can be said of the us in different ways

2wwmadness if your willing or able to take on a mixed raced baby their are plenty

The guidelines are chanve changed on this but to be honest its even more difficult to adopt from abroad

2ww I do think your motives are laudable but actually there is no need for more adopters for babies in this country. There aren't enough babies available to fill the need. So all that would happen is that you would be taking a baby away from an infertile couple who couldn't have a baby of their own. (assuming you aren't infertile of course).

Adopting from abroad is difficult and expensive, and mixed race adoption has its own issues. If you really want to help then I would look at fostering or adopting an older child, or have one or two of your own and adopt an older child when you have the parenting experience to deal with it (going off your own views here, I have no reason to think you couldn't handle an older adoption now - we are all learning as we go along anyway)

Thanks for your advice. It's slot to think about. I would foster when I have had a few of my own )no fertility issues I know of) but I'm not sure I could cope with the emotional side of getting close to a child then have it move on, I guess that comes with experience and when I've had my own I may be able go understand and do this. I would not want to take a baby away from a couple that was infertile. That's not fair. My DH is mixed race, and i would adopt from another country, but that's a whole different issue with different problems (the cost being a big issue) thank you for your advice, I bet I seem very naive to you! But like I say, it's very early days and I'm just thinking if it could be an option.

Not naive, OP, we all started learning about adoption once ourselves

Good luck to you and your dp whatever you decide.

2wwmadness well in that case I would go for it many inner London las really struggle getting mixed couples for mixed raced children I know Haringey and specially looking for inter racial couples

They have lots of mixed raced new borns that need to be adopted

www.haringey.gov.uk/index/children_and_families/childrensocialcare/adoption/bme-adoption.htm

Funnily enough, my dp and I (an interracial couple) completely failed to be matched with a mixed race baby in London. We ended up finding our dd way out in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by cows and cabbages...

OK sorry 2ww if your partner is mixed race and you are still keen to do it then that changes my view - there is a need for mixed race couples to adopt mixed race babies and even tho the guidelines seem to be changing (to avoid mixed race babies languishing in care) the outcomes for a baby placed with parents of shared heritage is much better. I'd talk to your local council as a first port of call to get their view

At our local council we have information evenings where you can go along and find out what the situation is in your area, I'd go along to one - they almost try their best to put you off so there's no pressure to sign up at all (we looked into adoption before being fortunate enough to conceive our DD)

I don't for a minute doubt that the American model of adoption can result in some good adoptions but as pps have said there is an intolerable pressure on birth parents from disasterous combinations of finance, expectation and sometimes culture. I read somewhere that the babies given up belonged overwhelmingly to the poor and if not to middle class white girls from religious backgrounds. Economic, social and cultural pressures conspiring against birth parents for the benefit of parents who can afford the best advertising and expenses. It doesn't seem kind or humane nor likely to save children from being born to inadequate parents.

Also we have our own adoption history that saw the forced adoption of many babies and caused much trauma and misery. Our own adoption industry saw profits and power placed before mothers and babies.

The best choice for some, yep but not for many and that choice is there if you need it. I don't think it should be easy or encouraged. There are Internet forums full of American birth parents angry and grieving for the babies who they 'voluntarily' relinquished

I have read studies saying that the "middle class white girls" (actually here they would probably be our upper class; our class system is a bit different as we don't have an aristocracy) are more likely to be involved in higher education and so choose to abort rather than continue the pregnancy.

It's a sad business all the way around.

or use birth control regularly and avoid pregnancy altogether.

My understanding is the most likely to choose adoption are women in their 20's by far. Then older women, and teenagers are the least likely of all. Which is born out by the women on the other adoption forum (excepting those from the 60's) who were mostly early 20's-30 years old when they placed

All the people I've known were who have given babies up were teenage mothers, but I think that's down to women in their 20's that I know are usually in school (hence more likely to have abortions) or married (hence more likely to keep the baby).

One of my very good friends called me a few years ago and said "Um, so, I have a sister." And I said "Uh, yeah?" because I know her younger sister quite well. She said "no an older sister." Her mother had given a daughter up for adoption when she was 18, four years before my friend was born. My friend's dad (he was not the father of the adopted daughter) knew but she and her siblings did not. (Their mother had planned to tell them, but they have a much younger brother and she said she wanted to tell them altogether when the brother was old enough to understand.)

It was quite a shock to them all, but now they get on very well and see each other fairly often. They are a remarkably easy-going family though. :)

Errant "were" in my first sentence, there.

Just adding to maryz post.

We have had DS from 8 weeks old.

He has autism, learning difficulties amoungst other issues.

They children in the UK system overwhelmingly come from families with significant problems. In fact if a baby is removed and freed for adoption it is generally because several older siblings have been previously removed. The very young babies tend to come from the families with the most complex problems IYSWIM.